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Atlanta has such a big mix of cultures and races here. You are too far away if you aren't seeing it there.
Well I don't live in ATL. But I live in the surrounding areas. I've visited ATL enough times to not really see that much. Perhaps I just went on days when no one was walking around town.
From an outsider’s perspective:
I'm in an interracial marriage (I'm white Canadian, my wife is black Canadian) and both my wife and I travel often to the states.
While you can find bigots and slack-jawed gawkers anywhere, I'd have to say Atlanta is the only city where we felt self-conscious of being IR.
We were with another couple (black) & even they commented on the stares we getting. I wouldn't say it was hostility, but we did feel people taking notice of us.
We've been to cities in NY/NJ/PA/MD/FLA and never really felt the way we did in Atlanta.
BTW: I did like your city overall. And there are some beautiful black women there too (not that I looked!).
An observation, if I may: feeling self-conscious often isn't a product of the environment, but can be a result of any number of other factors. One that I've noticed with many first-time visitors - they had some preconceived ideas about how things would be in the South and how they would be received by southerners...so they were uncomfortable as a result of their own doing and not because of anything anyone else might have done. It's not uncommon.
It could have been any number of situations, from people actually gawking at you to you being paranoid...but as long as I've lived here I have never encountered that kind of interest or ignorance from total strangers.
I am married not dating, therefore my husband and I are together most of the time, on the weekends. Its pretty easy to notice when someone is scowling at you shaking their head, tried to separate your groceries, and when you are given separate checks at restaurants.
I guess you are saying that your relationship is of a higher status than mine, even though we lived together for several years and it was at least AS important as your marriage - and there is no way for strangers passing by to know if a couple is married or not. We spent our free time together and were as much of a couple as someone holding a marriage certificate. Many similar unmarried couples exist all over the world.
Are you actually trying to say that a waiter gave you and your spouse separate checks - and it was just the two of you - and you didn't ask for separate checks? That is the craziest thing I've ever heard! The majority restaurants frown upon separating checks, period. The default option (if no request is made by the customers) is to put everything together on one check. I can not imagine someone assuming you weren't together simply because you aren't of the same race. That is totally ridiculous.
Again - separate your groceries??? Grocery store employees rarely even look at customers...they scan your stuff and someone bags it - that's it. You must go to a boutique grocery store.
An observation, if I may: feeling self-conscious often isn't a product of the environment, but can be a result of any number of other factors. One that I've noticed with many first-time visitors - they had some preconceived ideas about how things would be in the South and how they would be received by southerners...so they were uncomfortable as a result of their own doing and not because of anything anyone else might have done. It's not uncommon.
It could have been any number of situations, from people actually gawking at you to you being paranoid...but as long as I've lived here I have never encountered that kind of interest or ignorance from total strangers.
Fair enough point.
But I have to say that we went to ATL thinking it was really progressive.
We knew it was in the 'south', but we heard so many great things about it that we thought it was, well, way beyond that type of vibe.
Again, I did enjoy your city overall. We hope to go back and spend some more time there. We'll take your advice tho..
I guess you are saying that your relationship is of a higher status than mine, even though we lived together for several years and it was at least AS important as your marriage - and there is no way for strangers passing by to know if a couple is married or not. We spent our free time together and were as much of a couple as someone holding a marriage certificate. Many similar unmarried couples exist all over the world.
The wedding rings are usually an indicator, we have been together for a long time, have lived in two totally different cities, and have traveled to over 15 countries together. The experiences down here are noticeably different.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DeaconJ
Are you actually trying to say that a waiter gave you and your spouse separate checks - and it was just the two of you - and you didn't ask for separate checks? That is the craziest thing I've ever heard! The majority restaurants frown upon separating checks, period. The default option (if no request is made by the customers) is to put everything together on one check. I can not imagine someone assuming you weren't together simply because you aren't of the same race. That is totally ridiculous.
Again - separate your groceries??? Grocery store employees rarely even look at customers...they scan your stuff and someone bags it - that's it. You must go to a boutique grocery store.
Yes we have been given two different checks on multiple occasions. Grocery store employees certainly look at us, because in certain parts of town we are always asked if this is all together.
I guess you are saying that your relationship is of a higher status than mine, even though we lived together for several years and it was at least AS important as your marriage - and there is no way for strangers passing by to know if a couple is married or not. We spent our free time together and were as much of a couple as someone holding a marriage certificate. Many similar unmarried couples exist all over the world.
Are you actually trying to say that a waiter gave you and your spouse separate checks - and it was just the two of you - and you didn't ask for separate checks? That is the craziest thing I've ever heard! The majority restaurants frown upon separating checks, period. The default option (if no request is made by the customers) is to put everything together on one check. I can not imagine someone assuming you weren't together simply because you aren't of the same race. That is totally ridiculous.
Again - separate your groceries??? Grocery store employees rarely even look at customers...they scan your stuff and someone bags it - that's it. You must go to a boutique grocery store.
You underestimate the type and the amount of subtle probably racial crap that still goes on in Atlanta and the south. I was with my female friend(white) at a Cracker Barrel Restaurant in Marietta and it seemed that half the restaurant went into silent gawking mode. Even though we notice 4 open tables it took the waiters 15 minutes to decide to seat us. Needless to say we left that place in a hurry.
I can recount other stories as well but the main message I am imparting to you is that just because your situation on race is pretty congenial and peachy keen doesn't necessarily mean that another's will be same. A lot of white people to me seem to assume that.
The wedding rings are usually an indicator, we have been together for a long time, have lived in two totally different cities, and have traveled to over 15 countries together. The experiences down here are noticeably different.
Yes we have been given two different checks on multiple occasions. Grocery store employees certainly look at us, because in certain parts of town we are always asked if this is all together.
It sounds to me like someone is a little self absorbed...do you actually think that strangers in general are interested enough to focus in on your ring finger? I don't know who all of these nosy folks are that have such interest in your relationship and your marital status...but someone like that must be the exception, not the norm. The is only one reason I can think of that most people would notice your wedding ring - trying to flirt with one of you.
You have some unique experiences that I don't believe are common at all. A big portion of the "why is everyone looking at us" syndrome is nothing more than paranoia...possibly caused by past experiences.
It sounds to me like someone is a little self absorbed...do you actually think that strangers in general are interested enough to focus in on your ring finger? I don't know who all of these nosy folks are that have such interest in your relationship and your marital status...but someone like that must be the exception, not the norm. The is only one reason I can think of that most people would notice your wedding ring - trying to flirt with one of you.
You have some unique experiences that I don't believe are common at all. A big portion of the "why is everyone looking at us" syndrome is nothing more than paranoia...possibly caused by past experiences.
Actually people notice my rings. Why? Probably the contrast, I have tiny brown fingers and a pretty large engagement diamond set in platinum. Someone compliments me on my wedding set at least once every two weeks, this means its pretty noticeable. Nothing self adsorbed just my experience. I don't notice people "looking" at me as much as I remember when people are vocal or go out of their way to scowl at you. Additionally, I have never stated this happens to us all the time;however these things have only happened here in certain parts of Atlanta. For example, this stuff never happens in the Grant Park or East Atlanta areas. There are 5 other interracial couples in my development we have all had similar experiences, in addition to the other poster who has noticed some hostility regarding their interracial marriage. So maybe its your experience that isn't so common.
Actually people notice my rings. Why? Probably the contrast, I have tiny brown fingers and a pretty large engagement diamond set in platinum. Someone compliments me on my wedding set at least once every two weeks, this means its pretty noticeable. Nothing self adsorbed just my experience. I don't notice people "looking" at me as much as I remember when people are vocal or go out of their way to scowl at you. Additionally, I have never stated this happens to us all the time;however these things have only happened here in certain parts of Atlanta. For example, this stuff never happens in the Grant Park or East Atlanta areas. There are 5 other interracial couples in my development we have all had similar experiences, in addition to the other poster who has noticed some hostility regarding their interracial marriage. So maybe its your experience that isn't so common.
Okay...so that's six paranoid couples - I'm pretty sure there are more interracial couples than that in Atlanta. I can tell you that it's fairly common to see black and white people together in this city, but it is rare for them to be blatantly stared at or singled out in any way. People may just be staring at you for some other reason - maybe it's your incredible ring.
Maybe it's a female thing to notice wedding bands...I've never tried to look at someone's ring finger unless I was attracted to them and wanted to know if they were available.
4 open tables and it took them 15 minutes to seat you? And? Maybe they were short handed and didn't have a waitress/waiter on those tables. Maybe they were between shifts and hadn't clocked in yet. Maybe they were busy for other reasons? Could it be anything else other than your assumption that people are picking on you because your a couple of differant races (although friends)?
Quote:
Originally Posted by AcidSnake
You underestimate the type and the amount of subtle probably racial crap that still goes on in Atlanta and the south. I was with my female friend(white) at a Cracker Barrel Restaurant in Marietta and it seemed that half the restaurant went into silent gawking mode. Even though we notice 4 open tables it took the waiters 15 minutes to decide to seat us. Needless to say we left that place in a hurry.
I can recount other stories as well but the main message I am imparting to you is that just because your situation on race is pretty congenial and peachy keen doesn't necessarily mean that another's will be same. A lot of white people to me seem to assume that.
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