Diary of a Tired Black Man.... (neighborhood, school, vs.)

[plessthanpointohfive]

BTW - you know where you can find a LOT of really nice, educated black men?

In the offices of the federal and state governments.

I work with a nothing but top notch people and there are a LOT of black men and women around here. More so than when I worked for private industry.

They're waiting for you, ladies and gentlemen!!!

[plessthanpointohfive]

Originally Posted by LadyRo

Well, I can do by myself. It's not pride, it's a fact. I do it out of necessity, because I'm single and have only one income and if I don't do it, I'll be sitting outside. And, because I can support myself, I don't feel I have to accept bad behavior from men because my livelihood depends on them. That's just how it is, it's not a badge of honor. At least not to me.

Don't think for one minute that if I met the right man, who was equipped and ready* to be head of household, and he wanted to marry me and set up housekeeping and have me stay at home, and have us depend solely on his income that I wouldn't? After I was revived from the vapors, I'd be like .

*Equipped and ready to assume the leadership position within a family entails many things like mental and spiritual maturity, fairness, compassion, kindness, ability to make sound decisions, ability to provide financially, good self-esteem, and exerting more control over ego than it exerts over him, for example.

I am married to a nice guy who is equipped and ready to be a partnership in our household...for the past 11 years. There's NO WAY I'd stay at home and set up housekeeping. I didn't educate my brain and work in a rewarding field to give it up later.

Even if you could guarrantee that man would never make you vulnerable and helpless when you stayed at home and set up housekeeping (I know my husband wouldn't and many others wouldn't) you're vulnerable in the event he DIES. Good luck getting back into the workforce and staying at the level of income you were at when he died.

But this isn't a black of white thing. This is just my opinion on women and independence and how I personally think it's important for women to be field-ready at all times.

[LadyRo]

This is so familiar, LOL.

Originally Posted by karrobe

I was teased, ridiculed for not being "Black" enough. I was "too nice" and not "strong enough" and didn't want enough from a man.

I feel that these women have ruined it for women who aren't "angry." Frequently when I meet someone new (honestly, this is just with Black men) they are amazed that I'm not mean/stuck-up/stand-offish. This is a sad state of affairs.

[Marsha Seawright]

All black women are not angry just disappointed in my case, when you think that the man you married had children for and stay with throw his bad behavior. You would think this would mean something to him, and when you find out that it doesn't it hurts and some women just don't know how to turn that off. I have never punished a man for another man problem. But it is hard to find a good man, people are just full of games and everyone is not playing.

[LadyRo]

People can not like it, but it's your truth as you know it and nothing you said was disrespectful in any way.

Originally Posted by brownhornet

Im just gonna tell it like it is and don't really care who likes it and who doesn't. I have dated every race under the sun and in many different locations. From black to white, from puerto rican to dominican, from persian to indian. And even though I have a woman now, I went through a lot of bs on the road to my final destination and most of the detourscame with BLACK women. Im not gonna be a basher because that's not my thing but it just is what it is. Overall, but not in all cases I had to deal with **** poor attitudes constantly. It was like some were so worried about me not LEADING her but making sure they were either in front or directly beside me that it just got annoying.

And lets talk about the women here in Atlanta. When I lived in DC I had no complaints about the sistasthere, mainly because regardless of what anyone here says they were far more cultured and well mannered. But here you have so many sistas with these ridiculous expectations, not to mention a LARGE portion of them are trying to live WAY beyond their means just to try and maintain that "keeping up with the jones" false appearance. Kind of like those pathetic sistas on that housewives of Atlanta show that ended up getting exposed for what they really were, broke and fake.

I remember not too long ago a black female came on here asking where to find "professional black men" in Atlanta, and when someone suggested she try a blue collar brother rather than the white she dismissed it damn near as an insult. A LARGE portion of women here are more attracted to what type of car a man drives than they are to his personality. Maybe that explains why the dudes here that sell dope NEVER have a shortage of sistas trying to get on their team, and im not talking about hoodrat quality females either.

Then there are those that expect to meet LL Cool J or Denzel lookin dudes but they don't look like two nickels rubbed together themselves. And I won't even go into the whole craze here that sistas are using to justify calling themselves "thick" when they know in actuality they are bbw. And im not saying there is anything wrong with bbw but embrace who you are. The need to call yourself something you're not shows that you obviously aren't happy with yourself.

All in all I still have love for the sistas, as my lady is haitian, but I have to HONESTLY say I don't know ANY other race that puts their men through the type of garbage that a LARGE portion of these sistas do. Then of course the man is ALWAYS the one that gets crucified for it. Just like with all of the single mothers running around here with the father nowhere to be found, yes the father deserves to take in half the blame. But no one ever speaks on the fact that so many of these sistas are laying up with their legs open and not even ATTEMPTING to make these dudes put on a condom. At the end of the day, during consensual sex the woman is the one that has the say so on whether sex takes place or not. If more would simply say "no condom no sex" that in itself would have a MASSIVE effect on the number of out of wedlock kids being made out here. But of course, the brotha has to take the fall for that too. Even though my lady is on birth control and we never go unprotected, she damn sure is gonna check to make sure that condom is on before any sex occurs.

As I said before, I dated all spectrums of women and I NEVER dealt with the Bs I had to deal with with a LARGE number of the sistas here. Its just like I tell my sister all the time, that same dude you're looking over because he's driving the Honda is the same one that would probably treat you right... but you let him drive past to wait on the dude in the 745.

[PKCorey]

Main issue, most black women are so used to be in control, they can't stand giving up the power

[LadyRo]

If I knew then what I know now, when my former boss in NYC tried to make me be from the DR or PR because of my coloring and hair texture, I wouldn't have kept insisting I wasn't (and the more I denied it, the more he got!). I just would have let him believe what he wanted to believe, LOL.

Originally Posted by MisterNY

You just spoke the truth my man!!! You had me laughing, tapping my feet, and teary eyed about the BBW women calling themselves thick...
You rocked it!!!
Im with you....Got myself a good Caribbean woman myself, same as yours.
I walked in shoes very similar to yours, dated many races, cultures etc...End result was similar to yours.
You laid it down...

[RoslynHolcomb]

LadyRo, I'm not angry. And my husband rarely gets on my nerves or makes me angry. Let me ask you a question, when have you seen a black man, even the so-called conscious ones who have an iota of compassion or understanding for the struggles of black women? Take your time, I'll be here. Sorry, I don't waste my compassion on people who don't have a drop of compassion for me. I'm all about reciprocity.

Black women are catching hell on every corner of this globe, most of it at the hands, feet and guns of black men. Who in the black community is standing up to decry this senseless violence and bloodshed? When was the last time you heard any so-called black leader talk about the way black women are represented in this country? Did you hear D.L. Hughley's comments after the Don Imus affair? Are you even familiar with Dunbar Village? Somehow I doubt it. Google it. Black woman raped and forced perform a sex act on her minor son by a gang of teenagers. Son blinded with bleach. Violent crime that could occur anywhere, in any race, but here's the kicker. Rather than march in support of the VICTIM and the apprehension of the felons who assaulted her, the West Palm Beach County branch of the NAACP protested the incarceration of the DEFENDANTS. Do you think LaRaza would be protesting on behalf of vicious thugs who raped a Latina? How about JADL on behalf of Jewish rapist and victimizers? Asian? I don't think so. Only in the black so-called community to you find black men defending other black men who prey on black women and children.

You might want to check out a blog called What About Our Daughters. Then come back and tell me all about the woes of tired black men.

Black women are being slaughtered at horrifying rates all over this country. Again, I ask, how many black men have you seen stand in solidarity with black women? They have heroes like Eldridge Cleaver who said that he practiced raping black women before moving on to his 'real' target, white women. They had a welcome home parade for the convicted rapist Mike Tyson. They build monuments to another convicted rapist, Tupac Shakur and promote and celebrate music that is all about the debasement and violence against black women.

Sorry, I'm too busy saving black women and children from the perfidy of the so-called black community to waste my time on tired black men.

Originally Posted by LadyRo

I don't detect an iota of compassion or understanding from you for the struggles black men - even successful ones who "handle their business" - go through living in this country. I'm not saying black women should enable and/or coddle trifling men (even Steve Harvey calls them this in his book, so fellas don't get on me), and for these men I have no good words. But, damn, sista!

Unlike you, I believe my destiny is tied to the black man's, and I'm not about to let a few knuckleheads run me away. I will never be able to connect with men of other races to the same spiritual/metaphysical degree that I can with a black man (my definition of black man includes men who are part black and also identify with us) - and I don't need to "try" a white/other man to find out. This is what I know, innately. I don't have time for man-boys, but I believe that there is a grown black man out there somewhere for me, so that's why I don't give up on them. I know that at some point, while I'm out living my life to it's fullest, he will find me.

Last, but certainly not least... yes, there are many black men the world over. But, their history is not my history. Their struggle is not my struggle. My apologies to the Pan-Africanists among us, but it's true. However, my first choice will always be a black or black/mixed man (from wherever) before any other group of non-black men.

[RoslynHolcomb]

Roland Martin just did a post over at CNN, talking about black male accountability for the OOW births in the black community. His solution? Have pastors refuse to christen, bless or baptize babies unless their fathers appeared at the service. So, black male accountability=black woman **** shaming and making babies responsible for having jackass daddies. This is oh-so-common in the nonexistent black community.

[PKCorey]

Originally Posted by RoslynHolcomb

Roland Martin just did a post over at CNN, talking about black male accountability for the OOW births in the black community. His solution? Have pastors refuse to christen, bless or baptize babies unless their fathers appeared at the service.

That would be pointless because most churches now, don't christen or bless babies born OOW....