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Oh yeah I remember seeing a clip of this movie about 3 or 4 years ago. LOL @ ol girl saying "what's up with the white chick". Such horrible acting. I know the director has since gotten married to a black woman and had twins so I guess he's not so tired anymore. He did this as an answer to "waiting to exhale" type movies (which also have horrible acting by the way)
I didn't have any kind of tone with you. I simply wrote what I thought, as did you. Good evening.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrdkb
You do not know what I mean by culture. Culture from your point of view is going to the museum, knowing some intellectual things taught in a classroom or learned on the internet, or the reading some book by Kazuo Ishiguro. These things - while nice can be freely attained in the course of life but are not a person's foundation. Culture is how you were raised - who you are. Case in point, a Dominican friend of mine has a husband who had not been paying attention to her for a few years (due to his business - self employed) and he would at times be rude. She would not think about leaving or dissmissing him because she was taught by her mother the role of a wife and mother. And she makes a nice salary and is "corporate". As she says "this is my family". BTW - I am not attacking black women, nor you, despite your tone towards me. Again, in my posts I mentioned the issue of black relationships was due to a tragic history. That said, if you have evolved from the history and/or have recognized the problem and realized that it will take a world of pain and suffering to deal with it (i.e. marrying the likes of you) then go for it. As for me, I will follow a Biblical passage: "It is better to dwell in the corner of a rooftop of a small house, than in a large house with a brawling woman." This is of course is in Proverbs, during the time of Solomon.
I'm a black woman. We are not what you want. You continually find fault with us. So, it does not surprise me that nothing I say or do will be satisfactory to you. It appears that in your case, black women cannot win for losing. So, why should I continue to engage you in discussion? What would be the point? Even if I learned something from you, I would never be good enough for you, so to what end does it serve me to continue talking to you? I'm not typical, and I certainly don't roll my eyes. I just see this going nowhere, so I chose to exit the conversation. Of course, you'll find something wrong with that, too.
Now how many times have you men told us women not to tell you men what you think and feel? So, why are you doing it here? What you said is not true. Many women - at least the women I know - would willingly and gladly step aside if the man in question was prepared and ready.
All women want to be assured of is that if they let this man handle things he won't run the family into the ground. Part of knowing that is observing how the man handles his own affairs. If he can't handle his own stuff, he definitely can't handle ours. Also, too many black men have such fragile egos that they refuse any attempts on our part to help them get more organized, no matter how sweet and non-threatening we are. Commonly heard is "I can do it myself" or "I can handle it". Well, honey, NO you can't, because if you could, your affairs wouldn't be all out of order like they are. Too often, black men are too proud to ask for help or accept help when it's offered.
Besides, black women have been in control because SOMEBODY had to step up and stand in the gap created by the black man's death, abandonment, imprisonment, alcoholism, drug addiction, or whatever other reason black men were not taking care of their families. Was the family supposed to commit mass suicide and stop existing?
These women were forced into these roles for a few generations now, and they know no other way, and have not been shown any other ways, and now men expect them to just quit and step aside? Be for real! That's like out of touch white people thinking black people should have corrected, in 45 years, the pathologies it took 300 years of systemic mindf***ing by racist whites to create! Totally unreasonable. (Please excuse my "french", but I couldn't think of a better word to use; that one perfectly describes what happened.)
If you take something away, it has to be replaced by something else. So, what if the woman stands aside and gives up the power? Who is going to be there to fill the gap? Who is she going to give the power TO? Many black men are still unprepared for the position, and many who are prepared don't want the responsibility (only the benefits). So, what are women to do?
LadyRo - Well said! I don't know that it could have been better said. As I tell my husband often, the ego needs to go so that he can learn the right or a better way to handle things. He, like many other black men that I know, always want to be in charge. They can't stand the fact that someone else, especially a black woman, may have a little more knowledge or understanding about certain aspects of "adulthood" and have a total breakdown when a black woman attempts to show them the way. If they would learn to shut up and observe and learn, many of them would be so much further ahead.
However, as a high school teacher, I have to say that the strong black woman is also a leading cause of these black men that aren't able to handle their business. Mothers are spending too much time coddling or letting them be "men" that the teaching process never happens. As strong, black women, we have to ensure that our black boys are shown the way to be strong, black men.
Thank you. But one thing that always sticks out to me is the phrase "strong black woman". Black people are the only people who will take something that is shameful and give it honor. Many black women are walking around proudly proclaiming to be "strong black women" and wearing that title as a badge of honor, when it should be a badge of shame for the black men who dropped the ball and left women to pick up the pieces.
Women became strong out of necessity, just like many became, and are, independent out of necessity. "Stuff" happens, and people do what they have to do, and YES we may feel proud of ourselves that we got through it, when it's all said and done, but I think we have taken some things too far. I really don't like that term. Strong women don't have to go around proclaiming their strength. People see it. It just is.
These strong black women are failing their sons because a woman cannot teach a boy how to be a man. Single women tend to raise their male and female children in reversed gender roles, and the reasons stretch back to slavery. Watch the videos of Dr. Hagins, one of which was posted earlier. I don't agree with everything he said, but he hit some nails dead on the head. Dr. Hagins wasn't the first time I'd heard this, but he's intriguing because he used to be a pastor.
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Originally Posted by trwbrown
LadyRo - Well said! I don't know that it could have been better said. As I tell my husband often, the ego needs to go so that he can learn the right or a better way to handle things. He, like many other black men that I know, always want to be in charge. They can't stand the fact that someone else, especially a black woman, may have a little more knowledge or understanding about certain aspects of "adulthood" and have a total breakdown when a black woman attempts to show them the way. If they would learn to shut up and observe and learn, many of them would be so much further ahead.
However, as a high school teacher, I have to say that the strong black woman is also a leading cause of these black men that aren't able to handle their business. Mothers are spending too much time coddling or letting them be "men" that the teaching process never happens. As strong, black women, we have to ensure that our black boys are shown the way to be strong, black men.
Man, so much being said here. Most of the nonesense is being adequtely addressed. So I see no need to jump into ongoing conversations. I do want to clear up one myth. I read a couple of posts saying this all goes back to slavery. I take issue with that.
The number of black children born to married parents was very high (in the 80% range) from the Reconstruction period (1870s) all the way through the 1960s. Black relationships and the black family started breaking down three decades ago. This is a modern problem, not a slavery induced problem. By blaming it on slavery it gives us an excuse. I am not saying things were perfect back in the day. But folks back then made it work. Today, people (both men and women) just don't seem to want to make it work.
Man, so much being said here. Most of the nonesense is being adequtely addressed. So I see no need to jump into ongoing conversations. I do want to clear up one myth. I read a couple of posts saying this all goes back to slavery. I take issue with that.
The number of black children born to married parents was very high (in the 80% range) from the Reconstruction period (1870s) all the way through the 1960s. Black relationships and the black family started breaking down three decades ago. This is a modern problem, not a slavery induced problem. By blaming it on slavery it gives us an excuse. I am not saying things were perfect back in the day. But folks back then made it work. Today, people (both men and women) just don't seem to want to make it work.
I get that they are from a polygamous society. But that does not help me to shake these creeps.
Just saying "Leave me alone. Not interested." often isn't enough to get rid of these guys. At least not if I say it nicely. And I like being in a good mood, I like being nice to ppl.
Try walking away? Good luck, more often they will follow you and continue trying to talk to you. This is actually what I usually do, I walk away while giving them the silent treatment. But it's annoying, because I often end up off course from whatever I was doing.
If I'm somewhere where I cannot just wander away to shake them, I usually have to get mad and let them know with my tone, as well as my words, that I am not interested. But I hate doing this, because then I'm in a POd mood and I have to shake it off.
I'm not surprised. This, too, is cultural. You usually need to be pretty frank with them, including tone.
I've come across this while in some African countries and it can be (not always) the norm. However, I suppose while you IN Africa you're more willing to let it go because you're a fish out of water. And then when you come home and come across it you're not so startled by it.
But like I said...they're not going to kidnap you so just start out by yelling at them to go away.
Considering in my line of work I interact with many men from many different African countries and THEY never act like this...well, there could be a little bit of the men you're seeing on the street taking advantage of how Americans can be pretty accepting of cultural differences (we really are, especially compared to a lot of other countries).
But I suppose that now-a-days I don't mind attention from men, so long as it's essentially positive. And I don't have this problem of only finding white men attractive...but maybe that's because my dad is Italian...that's kind of quasi white, right? He's Sicilian, which is...a little bit Greek, a little bit North African? Who knows and who cares?
Just whistle at me while I'm walking down the street. This old lady likes it!
For the single independent black women - I 'd say, marriage will not be easy. What's funny is so many of the black women I know are church going, saved, etc... And they are married to hard working black men. But in the words of a black woman on my job (good job, etc..) "no man better not ever tell me not to disrespect him. I am going to say what's on my mind". I hear this and see this over and over. Hence, marriage will not be easy.
Dude, that's called "Marriage". Don't matter what color you are or if you're "saved", or an atheist. Correction...it's called "Marriage in America in Modern Times".
Been married 11 years. We're happier than ever. But if my husband ever thought it was a sign of disrespect that I speak my MIND then I'd think he was too insecure and too immature for ANY marriage.
But I suppose that now-a-days I don't mind attention from men, so long as it's essentially positive. And I don't have this problem of only finding white men attractive...but maybe that's because my dad is Italian...that's kind of quasi white, right? He's Sicilian, which is...a little bit Greek, a little bit North African? Who knows and who cares?
Just whistle at me while I'm walking down the street. This old lady likes it!
LOL! I hear you there... I turned the big four ohhh this year, I appreciate the attention and compliments of men more so today than I did in my twenties, that's for sure!
To be fair, not every African man is so annoying... I was just thinking of an Ethiopian guy who was my neighbor when I lived in Minneapolis. He was always polite and a gentleman. Always. I'd see him almost daily, usually he was running by me... literally. He was an Olympic-caliber marathon runner!
And I've known other decent African guys, that was just the example which came to mind. I should not be harsh in my generalizations. I repent.
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What you said is not true. Many women - at least the women I know - would willingly and gladly step aside if the man in question was prepared and ready. 
