Diary of a Tired Black Man.... (home, teach, lessons)

[jeffreda30238]

Originally Posted by mdiggs1

I seen it jeffreda, and I thought it was very interesting. MisterNY, from a male's point of view, I think you should check it out. It mostly talks about the problems with black women in relationships. It doesn't talk about men's problems too much, it's very pro-man. I liked it because it was different. You have all these Tyler Perry movies and 'Waiting to Exhales' out where the black man is in the wrong and causes all the problems in relationships, but in this documentary it is flipped. It talks about what black women do that messes up a relationship, and truthfully he has some good points.

Awesome mdiggs...I felt even as a woman that it was an excellent representation of how women act and how men react. I wasn't trying to say that the movie was garbage, I thought the representation of the male perspective was phenominal....it enlightened me a WHOLE lot...thanks for your input

[brownhornet]

Black women and relationships... man I think the server would crash if I really said all I wanted to say on this one lol. Ill sit back and watch.

[MisterNY]

Originally Posted by mdiggs1

I seen it jeffreda, and I thought it was very interesting. MisterNY, from a male's point of view, I think you should check it out. It mostly talks about the problems with black women in relationships. It doesn't talk about men's problems too much, it's very pro-man. I liked it because it was different. You have all these Tyler Perry movies and 'Waiting to Exhales' out where the black man is in the wrong and causes all the problems in relationships, but in this documentary it is flipped. It talks about what black women do that messes up a relationship, and truthfully he has some good points.

Thank you. I will definitely look into it now. When I first heard about it, I thought they were going to make a movie about it. I left it at that, waiting for the day. I will definitely look into it. Thanks again!!

Jeffreda, where did you get it by the way?

[Merin]

I have found that some people in life love chaos, therefore their relationships are always a mess. If you are constantly entering into relationships with people who like to cause "drama" then maybe its time to look in the mirror.

[mrdkb]

BW = DRAMA. I advised all of my black friends to go the route of a Dominican Woman - if you want a little color and curves without the attitude, bad hair days, and the generally refusal to line up in submission as the Bible says.

[LadyRo]

I found out about the movie at the same time I found out about the website a good while ago, and actually saw the movie clip at the website. In the clip I saw, the black guy was right on all points, but the white woman he drove up with in the car seemed to be an over the top caricature; I guess to act as a counterbalance to the bitterness of the black woman and her friends - the clip didn't give any hints as to why she was so bitter, so I hope/assume the movie does, because if it doesn't it's going to seem like she's just angry and bitter for no reason, and that's never the case.

The website had a forum and once I went into it, I wished I never had. What I saw there broke my heart into a million pieces. To these men, there was no distinguishing between good and bad black women. It was like all black women were the reason for all the evil in the world. We could do no right. They were harder on black women than I have ever seen or heard black women be on them. The few men (and women) who tried to bring some balance were seriously outnumbered.

I left that website and never went back, and I have no interest in seeing any movie or documentary that is going to stir up the amount of vitriol towards black women that I read on those forums, and that I know are in video form on YouTube. I have to avoid that stuff like the plague, because if I don't, I know I'll start believing that black men hate the sight of me and that would be devastating to a degree that I don't even want to think about.

The danger of these kinds of movies/documentaries is that the backlash and fallout of them affects even the innocents, like me. I'm not argumentative, I am not loud or difficult, I don't harass and harangue men, I smile and have a good disposition, I'm playful, I don't need to run everything, and I would never cause a scene in public. And, I'm not dumb or ugly (http://rosalindonline.com/about/ - broken link). Yet, and still, I get disrespected and overlooked by the black men who are about something and not even given a chance, or the benefit of the doubt, simply because of what I am.

So what have I - and other black women, like me, that I know - done? We gave up. Said the hell with it. It would be nice to have someone to come home to, but the vibes we put out are not being picked up on by black men. Maybe they're so used to dealing with dysfunctional women they can't recognize and/or relate to balanced women with no drama or pathologies.

[mdiggs1]

A substantial amount of black women out here don't respect the role of black men, or feel that his role is not as important as theirs. When it comes to relationships and parenting, both roles are important. If there is no man in the house it's incomplete. Period. Our problems do go back to slavery.


YouTube - Dr. Ray Higgins/ How to de activiate your willie lynch chip

The link above is a speech given by Dr. Ray Higgins which talks about the history behind the problems in black relationships. The series is an hour long, and it is worth watching. Very deep. I recommend that whoever reads this watch it. It shall answer your questions on why black women = drama, or why black men sometimes don't step up fully to the plate in relationships.

[LadyRo]

That is so not true, but you and your friends are entitled to do as you wish. I think that many black men have become so used to dealing with dysfunctional black women that many of you have lost the ability to recognize and/or relate to a balanced black women who doesn't have all the drama and pathologies. We are out here. I am one of them.

Sometimes I think it's a case of men not actually being ready for what they say they want. Maybe some men think that because my life and finances are in order (I'm not well off by a long shot, but I am a good steward of what I do have), I won't be as inclined to put up with the things other women put up with, and so self-select themselves out of the picture and don't even try. That sucks for everybody.

Originally Posted by mrdkb

BW = DRAMA. I advised all of my black friends to go the route of a Dominican Woman - if you want a little color and curves without the attitude, bad hair days, and the generally refusal to line up in submission as the Bible says.

[Merin]

This is going downhill fast.

[jeffreda30238]

All,

I am really enjoying reading your post. LadyRo, I understand what your saying, and yes at times it feels as if black men put ALL of us women in one category. I agree with that. I enjoyed this movie because it was the most honest perspective I've seen from a males point of view. I don't think he created this movie to bash us as black women, but to make us aware, just like Tyler Perry attempts to make men aware (in a more unrealistic sense in my opinion). The scenarios that he had in the docu/movie, are SOOOO on the money. But black men, please be aware. To generalize and categorize ALL black women is a slap in the face. We good ones ARE still out here and guess what...we're ALONE...why? Because your going for the models, gold diggers, bangin sex, females that lack in substance. I'm sure some of us have heard the saying that "when searching for apples on a tree, men pick the ones that are low or on the ground because they are easier, when the quality good apples are hard to reach at the top." I think men have gotten just as complacent in their standards as women. Instead of stickin by us black women through our trials, you bail to entertain those of other races. I can count on both of my hands 2 times, the women I know that have stuck next to their men through the thick and then, for them to dog them out and leave. I have no problem with men dating other races, but brothas, do not disgrace or put down black women to justify it. Just do it because that is what you want, not because "black women are drama." In all honesty, some black men are full of drama as well (baby mamas, playas, "singly married", etc.) Just keep these things in mind when forming your opinions of those very women who are you mothers, your sisters, and your daughters....