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I've been putting off posting on this thread all day but it really stuck in my head as I'm currently going through a similar experience and thought I might share my perspective.
Both of my parents passed away recently within 8 months of each other and while this has been an overwhelming, multi-layered experience in every way (emotional, psychological, financial, legal...) the decision of their final resting place has been very difficult and I'm ashamed to say that my sister and I have sort of avoided it. Their cremains are currently residing inside sealed marble urns, placed in a beautiful 1930s curio cabinet in their house (my childhood home) which is currently on the market waiting to be sold. In a strange way, it has been a comfort thinking of them still there in the house. Sorry if this sounds creepy but we often grasp at flimsy notions while grieving.
Understand that both my sister and I live in different states from our birthplace and parents (suburban Cleveland, Ohio) and so dealing with all of the nuances, surprises and mysteries of someone's business and personal affairs from afar is draining and daunting. I have been back and forth to Cleveland almost 10 times since January. Not good for my health, job or marital relationship, although I must say the support from my wife, family and friends have been profoundly crucial.
My mother made it fairly clear when she was dying, that she wanted some of her ashes sprinkled in Florida (where they have a beloved residence) and the rest to be interred in her hometown of Altoona PA. But then she added, "I don't really give sh*t, whatever you kids want" We were just staggering out of the fog of her loss when my father took ill and passed. He (also from Altoona) never made it very clear what he wanted - he was the kind of guy who didn't think it really mattered - but he was talking a lot about body farms...sorry Dad, just couldn't do it
Anyway, we'll probably sprinkle some in Florida and inter the rest in Pa in my father's family plot. It's close to where they were both raised and there are many family members still in the area. It will mean a lot to them. I'm of course conflicted about this because not only have I lost my parents but I'll be losing my own personal reference point of MY hometown. No parents. No house. No graves. No reason for me to go back there anymore, except to visit friends and most of them would rather come down here and visit Austin. I'll have to go to PA or Florida, places that certainly resonate with me but not quite like the place you were raised.
This whole process has really made me reconsider some of my previous convictions. I was never a fan of cemetaries: they sometimes seem wasteful, superstitious and a bit creepy. Attempting to preserve that which is no longer needed seems ghoulish and vain. Our bodies are just reliquaries, containing the essence that some call souls. When they are no longer needed, they no longer hold that which we cherish. However, I do enjoy walking through them sometimes and reading names and dates, imagining who these people were and the times they lived in. And the thought of someone, someday reading my parents names and thinking about who they were comforts me somehow. They were beautiful, caring, generous people. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense but neither does death and mortality.
Anyways, sorry for the book and the public outpouring of my life For my part, cremation for sure and sprinkle my ashes someplace mindful of me and the life I lived.
thanks though for sharing -- one thing i learned during the experience of mother's passing was that services and cemetaries serve as a necessary step in the grieving process -- a line from which one can begin to let go
I've been putting off posting on this thread all day but it really stuck in my head as I'm currently going through a similar experience and thought I might share my perspective.
Both of my parents passed away recently within 8 months of each other and while this has been an overwhelming, multi-layered experience in every way (emotional, psychological, financial, legal...) the decision of their final resting place has been very difficult and I'm ashamed to say that my sister and I have sort of avoided it. Their cremains are currently residing inside sealed marble urns, placed in a beautiful 1930s curio cabinet in their house (my childhood home) which is currently on the market waiting to be sold. In a strange way, it has been a comfort thinking of them still there in the house. Sorry if this sounds creepy but we often grasp at flimsy notions while grieving.
Understand that both my sister and I live in different states from our birthplace and parents (suburban Cleveland, Ohio) and so dealing with all of the nuances, surprises and mysteries of someone's business and personal affairs from afar is draining and daunting. I have been back and forth to Cleveland almost 10 times since January. Not good for my health, job or marital relationship, although I must say the support from my wife, family and friends have been profoundly crucial.
My mother made it fairly clear when she was dying, that she wanted some of her ashes sprinkled in Florida (where they have a beloved residence) and the rest to be interred in her hometown of Altoona PA. But then she added, "I don't really give sh*t, whatever you kids want" We were just staggering out of the fog of her loss when my father took ill and passed. He (also from Altoona) never made it very clear what he wanted - he was the kind of guy who didn't think it really mattered - but he was talking a lot about body farms...sorry Dad, just couldn't do it
Anyway, we'll probably sprinkle some in Florida and inter the rest in Pa in my father's family plot. It's close to where they were both raised and there are many family members still in the area. It will mean a lot to them. I'm of course conflicted about this because not only have I lost my parents but I'll be losing my own personal reference point of MY hometown. No parents. No house. No graves. No reason for me to go back there anymore, except to visit friends and most of them would rather come down here and visit Austin. I'll have to go to PA or Florida, places that certainly resonate with me but not quite like the place you were raised.
This whole process has really made me reconsider some of my previous convictions. I was never a fan of cemetaries: they sometimes seem wasteful, superstitious and a bit creepy. Attempting to preserve that which is no longer needed seems ghoulish and vain. Our bodies are just reliquaries, containing the essence that some call souls. When they are no longer needed, they no longer hold that which we cherish. However, I do enjoy walking through them sometimes and reading names and dates, imagining who these people were and the times they lived in. And the thought of someone, someday reading my parents names and thinking about who they were comforts me somehow. They were beautiful, caring, generous people. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense but neither does death and mortality.
Anyways, sorry for the book and the public outpouring of my life For my part, cremation for sure and sprinkle my ashes someplace mindful of me and the life I lived.
First off, I'm so so sorry to hear of all you've gone through for the last 8 months. At times I wondered why I didn't see as many posts from you, as I always enjoy your contributions.
My beloved Mother (and best friend) died 8 years ago and I still have her cremains in a beautiful wood container that my Dad and I picked out. Someday I'll go back to Lake Champlain and spread some of her ashes. We're from Massachusetts but she took a field trip to Lake Champlain as a high school kid and always said it was one of her fondest memories. Plus, my brother and SIL live in Vermont, so they'll probably like that. I've also thought about the diamond option. Even after these 8 long years, I'm still not ready to say goodbye to her.
Twange, you're a thoughtful and introspective guy. With time, the right answer will make itself known to you. Just take your time and decide what is most meaningful to you.
As a native of Western Colorado, I am quite aware of much of Hunter's life and the events that occurred shortly after. My buddy's dad is a cabinet maker who worked in that area and claimed that he was shot at by Mr. Thompson once. The Flying Dog Brewery, associated with Ralph Steadman, sold a special Gonzo Brew with a limited number of bottles, one of which had a ticket to Hunter's funeral. He was a true American.
I'm also a huge fan of Carl Sagan. I've never heard anything about his remains heading to a far destination, I don't think that's true.
I believe you are right about CS...I would swear I read that he went up, ala the viking probe he designed, with ashes, in orbit, but just read he was buried near Cornell University in Ithica...actually, the Universe is infinite, so would it really make a diff to be shot in space? We are essentially an infinite distance away, or close to it from any other point, regardless of how the Uni is shaped or (X) number of folded dimensions...we are no farther being shot into space from 99.999999% of all that is out there than we would be buried in our own planet from whence we came anyway!...
Why am I getting this heavy eating lunch and having coffee at 12:30PM?
I must be crazy! LOL!
I've been putting off posting on this thread all day but it really stuck in my head as I'm currently going through a similar experience and thought I might share my perspective.
Both of my parents passed away recently within 8 months of each other and while this has been an overwhelming, multi-layered experience in every way (emotional, psychological, financial, legal...) the decision of their final resting place has been very difficult and I'm ashamed to say that my sister and I have sort of avoided it. Their cremains are currently residing inside sealed marble urns, placed in a beautiful 1930s curio cabinet in their house (my childhood home) which is currently on the market waiting to be sold. In a strange way, it has been a comfort thinking of them still there in the house. Sorry if this sounds creepy but we often grasp at flimsy notions while grieving.
Understand that both my sister and I live in different states from our birthplace and parents (suburban Cleveland, Ohio) and so dealing with all of the nuances, surprises and mysteries of someone's business and personal affairs from afar is draining and daunting. I have been back and forth to Cleveland almost 10 times since January. Not good for my health, job or marital relationship, although I must say the support from my wife, family and friends have been profoundly crucial.
My mother made it fairly clear when she was dying, that she wanted some of her ashes sprinkled in Florida (where they have a beloved residence) and the rest to be interred in her hometown of Altoona PA. But then she added, "I don't really give sh*t, whatever you kids want" We were just staggering out of the fog of her loss when my father took ill and passed. He (also from Altoona) never made it very clear what he wanted - he was the kind of guy who didn't think it really mattered - but he was talking a lot about body farms...sorry Dad, just couldn't do it
Anyway, we'll probably sprinkle some in Florida and inter the rest in Pa in my father's family plot. It's close to where they were both raised and there are many family members still in the area. It will mean a lot to them. I'm of course conflicted about this because not only have I lost my parents but I'll be losing my own personal reference point of MY hometown. No parents. No house. No graves. No reason for me to go back there anymore, except to visit friends and most of them would rather come down here and visit Austin. I'll have to go to PA or Florida, places that certainly resonate with me but not quite like the place you were raised.
This whole process has really made me reconsider some of my previous convictions. I was never a fan of cemetaries: they sometimes seem wasteful, superstitious and a bit creepy. Attempting to preserve that which is no longer needed seems ghoulish and vain. Our bodies are just reliquaries, containing the essence that some call souls. When they are no longer needed, they no longer hold that which we cherish. However, I do enjoy walking through them sometimes and reading names and dates, imagining who these people were and the times they lived in. And the thought of someone, someday reading my parents names and thinking about who they were comforts me somehow. They were beautiful, caring, generous people. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense but neither does death and mortality.
Anyways, sorry for the book and the public outpouring of my life For my part, cremation for sure and sprinkle my ashes someplace mindful of me and the life I lived.
Twange, I started this thread in a serious vein, was not tongue in cheek at all, but I certainly was not expecting it to touch such a chord with so many..like life itself, the idea for the thread just kind of came over me, and the response just happened to resonate. I think many of us, being removed from our hometowns, may still be working over the connections we still have to the same, and how much we really resonate with Austin, or any new area we move to...caught between two lovers, so to speak, same as the song..Can we even BELONG to two places at once? Can we belong ANYWHERE? Just what the hell does the concept of belonging to a place really mean, in life AND death?
Per the use of cemetaries, I would say that they have the same function as wakes...both for the living more than for the dead...No one who has passed on truly has any say in the matter, when all is boiled down. The whole concept of a funeral and burial is to place the passed in the proper place and perspective for the living...Since the ancient Neanderthals and Cro-magnons, we have felt a need as the living to memorialize and place in proper context the passed, ala momentos, ceremonies, markers, and such....even the need for roadside crosses at accidents speaks to the need to "Memorialize"....so, yes, there is a need for cemetaries, if nothing more than a peaceful sanctuary to memorialize for the living, who are the only ones who actually experience cemetaries in the first place...indeed, in a strange but true sense, cemetaries and memorials are for the living...so we can properly stay connected to the greater whole and put death in its proper human context...as we are all one..
First off, I'm so so sorry to hear of all you've gone through for the last 8 months. At times I wondered why I didn't see as many posts from you, as I always enjoy your contributions.
My beloved Mother (and best friend) died 8 years ago and I still have her cremains in a beautiful wood container that my Dad and I picked out. Someday I'll go back to Lake Champlain and spread some of her ashes. We're from Massachusetts but she took a field trip to Lake Champlain as a high school kid and always said it was one of her fondest memories. Plus, my brother and SIL live in Vermont, so they'll probably like that. I've also thought about the diamond option. Even after these 8 long years, I'm still not ready to say goodbye to her.
Twange, you're a thoughtful and introspective guy. With time, the right answer will make itself known to you. Just take your time and decide what is most meaningful to you.
Dr. Mom - thanks you for your kind words - and I'm sorry about your mom. Someone sent me a condolence card when my mom passed away that mentioned something about having peace in the coming days and years. Years! That really hit me: you never stop grieving, you just learn how to manage it. I'll be an old man and still feel that familiar tightness in the throat when I think of them. But you're right, no rush on what to do with them. When it's the right time, it's the right time.
There's a song by Peter Gabriel called "I Grieve". It's so amazing it takes my breath away every time I hear it. I won't quote it here - taking a line or two out of context lessens the impact. It's best listened to as a whole. The video is just a youtube DIY job I found and isn't very animated - but it doesn't distract from the song either.
Dr. Mom - thanks you for your kind words - and I'm sorry about your mom. Someone sent me a condolence card when my mom passed away that mentioned something about having peace in the coming days and years. Years! That really hit me: you never stop grieving, you just learn how to manage it. I'll be an old man and still feel that familiar tightness in the throat when I think of them. But you're right, no rush on what to do with them. When it's the right time, it's the right time.
There's a song by Peter Gabriel called "I Grieve". It's so amazing it takes my breath away every time I hear it. I won't quote it here - taking a line or two out of context lessens the impact. It's best listened to as a whole. The video is just a youtube DIY job I found and isn't very animated - but it doesn't distract from the song either.
I have actually thought about this a lot. I would love to be buried in the cemetery in my hometown in PA, near the house I grew up in. We actually used to play in that cemetery when I was a child.
However, it is important to me to be buried next to my husband, and he is a native Texan. It would not be fair to ask him to be buried in a place that has no meaning for him.
I think when the time comes, I will be buried here. My children are here in addition to my husband.
I have actually thought about this a lot. I would love to be buried in the cemetery in my hometown in PA, near the house I grew up in. We actually used to play in that cemetery when I was a child.
However, it is important to me to be buried next to my husband, and he is a native Texan. It would not be fair to ask him to be buried in a place that has no meaning for him.
I think when the time comes, I will be buried here. My children are here in addition to my husband.
Thank you for reminding me that, even tho I'm relatively young, I need to let my DH & kids know what my burial wishes are... As my grandpa used to say, "You're never too young to write your own obituary!" BTW, my grandpa was in the newspaper business. I think this saying may have been an old newspaper industry saw!
And has anyone checked out this "Dignity Memorial Network" that's being advertised on the radio??
If bulk trash day has already passed put a sign on me that says "FREE" and I'm sure someone will come around and toss me in the back of their pickup.
LOL! We need some humor here! Thanks..just one question..who will pick you up, vietnam vets or goodwill? Might help if you toss in a few old shirts and pants
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We were just staggering out of the fog of her loss when my father took ill and passed. He (also from Altoona) never made it very clear what he wanted - he was the kind of guy who didn't think it really mattered - but he was talking a lot about body farms...sorry Dad, just couldn't do it 
