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Old 06-19-2008, 10:26 PM
 
746 posts, read 3,629,408 times
Reputation: 257

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It doesn't matter that California is not geographically part of the North--in Texas, you're still a Yankee.

Be prepared to hear, "You ain't from around here, are you?" a lot.

After you tell them where you're from, expect to hear one of the following:
- Hasn't that God-forsaken place fallen into the ocean yet?
- Bet you're glad to be out of the land of fruits and nuts, huh?

Walk slower, or you'll find yourself walking by yourself (you're Texas friends will still be meandering a block behind).

People also talk slow here. You can still talk fast if you want to--but try to hold yourself back from finishing people's sentences.

Don't like the whether? Just wait. Just because its 40 degrees today doesn't tomorrow it won't be 90.

Texans drive just about as well as most Californian's do on icy roads...so stay home the two days of the year it snows.

But if you DO venture out and run your car in a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a the cab of a 4 wheel drive with a 12 pack of beer and a tow chain will be along directly. Don't try to help them and for Heaven's sake, stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Texas may only get 2 days of snow, but the wind-chill is killer. Buy a jacket (a REAL jacket).

Yes, it will be around 100 most of the summer--but don't pack away all your sweaters yet. You'll need at least one for the freezing cold air conditioned temeratures kept at most office buildings and restaurants.

Don't buy food at the movie store. Your system can't handle it.

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

There's nothing sillier than a Californian imitating a Southern accent--except maybe a Northerner imitating a Southern accent.

Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand YOU, either.

Men in Texas get offended if you don't let them open the door for you. If you forget this and happen to open a door yourself while with a Texan, don't be surprized to hear comments like "Not many gentlement in California, are there?" or "You're not one of those feminazis, are you?

You can ask us for directions, but unless you're pretty familiar with the positions of key rocks, trees, hills, and where Uncle Ned smashed his pick-em'up truck back in '79, you're probably better off trying to get there your-own- self..

Most roads in Texas have at least two names, and possibly a number.

The legal defense, "He needed killin'" is valid in the South.

If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last spade of dirt is thrown on and the tent is tore down.

If you hear one of those "Big Ol' Boys" exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are very likely the last words he will ever say.
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Old 06-19-2008, 10:28 PM
 
Location: Dallas, Texas
485 posts, read 1,889,830 times
Reputation: 135
#1 Don't listen to anything posted by soco1234.
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Old 06-19-2008, 10:30 PM
 
746 posts, read 3,629,408 times
Reputation: 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by MJinAustin View Post
#1 Don't listen to anything posted by soco1234.
#2 MJ in Austin needs to laugh more.....just for fun, hon.........
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Old 06-19-2008, 10:31 PM
 
Location: Dallas, Texas
485 posts, read 1,889,830 times
Reputation: 135
Sorry, I can't see your reply.
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Old 06-19-2008, 10:32 PM
 
746 posts, read 3,629,408 times
Reputation: 257
More funny stuff....and come on people.....this stuff is supposed to be funny!


You Know You're In California if...


You make over $250,000 a year and still can't afford a house.
The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
You know how to eat an artichoke.
The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
Your child's third grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze.
You've been to a baby shower for an infant who has two mothers and a sperm donor.
You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
You know which restaurant serves the freshest arugula.
A really great parking space can move you to tears.
The guy in line at Starbucks, wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney, IS George Clooney.
You live an hour away from Mountains but can't see them because of the smog.
Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag.
It's sprinkling out, and there's a report on every news channel about "THE STORM!"
Over 85% of the cities, towns, and streets start with San, Los, El, La, Santa, De La, or De Los.
A family of four owns six vehicles.
Everyone who lives here knows that hurricanes, tornadoes, floods and snowstorms are way worse than earthquakes, which are, after all, over almost as soon as you realize what's happening.
Even if the store is across the street, you drive there.
And finally, a question: Q. How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None. Californians cannot afford to turn on the lights.
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Old 06-19-2008, 10:38 PM
 
Location: Central Texas
20,963 posts, read 42,998,462 times
Reputation: 24665
Not to worry, MJ, it's just a joke scongress1234 lifted from another joke site and posted here. Sorta funny when you read it that way.
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Old 06-19-2008, 10:38 PM
 
8,239 posts, read 16,611,752 times
Reputation: 3690
It really was kind of funny. Funerals do last forever here. Never really thought about that.
PS MJ....live and let live
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Old 06-19-2008, 10:41 PM
 
Location: Dallas, Texas
485 posts, read 1,889,830 times
Reputation: 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by TexasHorseLady View Post
Not to worry, MJ, it's just a joke scongress1234 lifted from another joke site and posted here. Sorta funny when you read it that way.
I can't read his posts anyway...just assumed it would be more over-generalized anti-Austin spew so was warning people in advance.
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Old 06-19-2008, 10:43 PM
 
746 posts, read 3,629,408 times
Reputation: 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by MJinAustin View Post
I can't read his posts anyway...just assumed it would be more over-generalized anti-Austin spew so was warning people in advance.

No just jokes....
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Old 06-20-2008, 12:36 AM
 
Location: Austin, TX
2,357 posts, read 7,589,339 times
Reputation: 1013
You sure p*ssed some folks off soco! Blockin' out your posts and such...my, my things is gettin' twitchy around here...

MJ, let me know when I make it onto your sh*t list
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