Help - how to make friends in Austin? (Houston, Dallas: homes, neighborhoods)

[inthecut]

Originally Posted by harrison512

Well, I've been around the block to know that there isn't a "perfect" city anywhere. Every place has its pro's and con's.

I guess I'll chalk it up to the sales/marketing done by Austin's real estate agents and reputation builders.

There is definitely a sense of segregation. When I was house-hunting, my co-workers told me to avoid anything east of Hwy 35 and anything in the 78758 zip code. I wish I had bought on my instincts because I quite liked Burnet Road - but again, the real estate agent told me that area wasn't safe, not a good investment, etc....

Aside from my volunteer work (I annually win the President's Volunteer Service Award for working over 200 hours a year for Austin's non-profits!) I've also used meetup.com to find social groups.

Regardless of reason, I cannot commend you highly enough for your volunteer work. In our new economy, we should only be working 25-30 hours a week, and spending the rest of the time perfoming socially orientated work.....what a great world we would be in if we had most adults giving freely part-time of their skills.....music lessons, handyman lessons from older to younger people, seniors giving back a lifetime of experience, seeing other neighborhoods and getting to know the people.......

Again, good for you, Harrison! You should find many friends with a kind heart such as you have!

[atxcio]

Originally Posted by harrison512

There is definitely a sense of segregation. When I was house-hunting, my co-workers told me to avoid anything east of Hwy 35 and anything in the 78758 zip code. I wish I had bought on my instincts because I quite liked Burnet Road - but again, the real estate agent told me that area wasn't safe, not a good investment, etc....

Burnet Road is west of I-35. There are tons of good neighborhoods, hardly any bad. There isn't much of Burnet Rd in 78758, and the part that is mostly industrial. Now, east of there, much of 78758 does have it's problems, and especially around Quail Creek, probably very bad for resale value.

[twange]

Originally Posted by inthecut

Austin needs to slow down growth and consolidate the growth it has before it takes on the normal friendly nature of established neighborhoods in say Boston, Chicago, Denver, SF, and even much of older DFW and Houston. Give it 10 years, and you might find a far friendlier city...

The notion of consolidating growth is a good one. I remember reading something on Brewster McCracken's website (former city council member and mayoral candidate) that mentioned completed 1,000 smaller, ground-level projects before undertaking any new larger ones. in this case, he was referring to parks, sidewalks, bike lanes and other central neighborhood improvements over new, large-scale construction such as towers etc...This made a lot of sense to me and seemed like just the thing Austin needs after this most recent boom.

Think of Austin as a party where a bunch of guests all showed up at the same time: lots of chaos, nervous energy and trepidation, followed by a few people who decide the scene is a bad fit and leave. After a little more time, those who are still there, divide into groups and engage in conversation which may eventually lead to new social relationships. Yeah, I think Austin will be even better in 10 years, provided the city gets its azz in gear with better public transportation (even if that just means better busses).

Originally Posted by harrison512

When I lived in LA, I lived in a number of neighborhoods. Even though people told me that LA could be a tough city, I found people very friendly. One factor could be because everyone was from somewhere else, so they had moved to LA to pursue a dream, the weather, etc... and they were eager to talk to new people, make connections, and talk about their aspirations.

Another great insight. I think that while transplants are often railed against by "natives" - especially here on CD - they are often more willing to step out of their comfort cranny and try new things and meet new people. They have no choice! That's what my wife and I have done. We had a HUGE professional and social network of friends, family and colleagues in our home city. Leaving that kind of mothership leaves you raw, naked and open to new things. You are looking and seeing your new city with a clear, sometimes over-analytical eye and so fellow transplants share that "newness" with each other. As a native, you don't NEED to meet new people or reach out for new experiences. Neither is right or wrong, it's just the way things are. My sister and her husband have had a hard time meeting new friends in Minneapolis for the same reasons: at their age (39/41) most natives already have life-long friends and so they aren't interested in forming any new relationships.

I also think that people often forget that "transplants" are just "natives" from somewhere else.

[inthecut]

I lived in henderson, nevada, a huge mega-burb east of L Vegas,from 95-98, and saw the same thing..

..the majority were blue-collar folks who moved from Southern California for better opportunities, and they simply opened up here, and made it a friendly place, because they were uprooted and had to create a social network from scratch..

..all of a sudden, you have people who never even knew their next-door neighbor in Southern cal knocking on each other's doors, as if they went back in A "WELCOME Wagon" time machine.....

Also, much time was spent voulunteering, and creating social capitol...

..it was a fun place to live for three years, and just went to show that taking one out of his social environs makes a new person..

[AguaDulce]

Originally Posted by harrison512

So I've been lurking for a while, answering the odd post, but I wanted to pose a question and ask for help.

I moved to Austin 4 years ago from Los Angeles. My real estate agent dropped me into a little NW AUstin neighborhood between the Arboretum and the Domain. Since day one, I feel like I've been getting the cold shoulder from co-workers and from neighbors.

No one at work likes to socialize - lunch, drinks after work - nope, they all race up to Round Rock or Cedar Park to get back to their families. I keep inviting my co-workers and their families to come over for a weekend brunch or lunch, but no one has ever accepted my invite.

My neighbors say nothing to me either. I can be walking my dogs and waving and saying hi, and they just look the other way.

One of my neighbor lost her house - it burned down. I was home that day, called 911, and rescued her dog - but she's never said, thanks. Doesn't even know my name.

As a single divorced man, I fill my non-work times with volunteer work. I've volunteered with the SPCA, Literary Austin, the local school. And again, no one at these groups wants to socialize.

I'm not a sports fan, but then again, no one has ever invited me to go to a game.

For some reason, before I moved here, I just thought there'd be some big friendly southern hospitality.

So, that's my Austin experience to date. Suggestions? How do you make friends in this city?

//www.city-data.com/forum/san-a...n-antonio.html

[KWPN]

Originally Posted by inthecut

The NW is a bunch of shopping strips, big box, mega-apartment complexes, and heavy traffic....and a popular place for new arrivals renting, who still haven't decided where to buy a house yet...It has the social ambience of Mesa az, or the outskirts of orlando, fla.....just a bunch of junk developers have thrown together without rhyme or reason.....

The OP is obviously going through hell dealing with this transient, ugly part of our metro, and I felt 100% the same thing the year I lived there....the most exciting thing I did was cross the street to go to H-E-B....honestly....

It does not have the social ambience of Mesa or Orlando . I've seen just as many developments in every part of Austin, its not JUST in North and North West Austin. If you want a city NOT to change, then move to a small town that is slowly dying.

The size of the city has nothing to do with its over-all friendliness. There are nice people everywhere you got, and there are a--holes wherever you go. That's just human nature, and unfortunately the latter are more abundant.

[SmartGXL]

I had the same problem as the OP, when I lived in suburban Chicago.

Here is my overall take on the OP's dilemma...

Aside from any personal problems that may be scaring people off (one poster mentioned mannerisms, etc), it is hard to meet people once you are out of college.

Consider this: When you are in college, you probably have 4 classes per semester, with an average of maybe 20 students per class. Multiply by 3 semesters per year, for four years:

20 x 4 X 3 x 4 = exposure to 960 other young, single students, who have lots of time, energy, and no kids, across the span of 4 years.

Think about that: when in college, you meet another batch of 80 people or so every couple of months. And on top of that, if you are involved in a frat or sorority, you are going to meet even MORE people!

But, when you graduate college, you are thrown into the working world. You are introduced to the car culture, which is very, very isolating. You have to listen to corporate FM cr*p radio, and you sit in traffic, where you gain weight, and are unable to talk to people (whereas before, in college, you probably walked to class from your dorm). You go to your job where there may or may not be any good socializing going on, and many of the people there are married with kids and just trying to get by. And after slavign away for 8 to 10 hours, no one has the energy to talk or socialize, they just want to get home, make dinner before they go to bed and get up the morning and face the boss again. So, all of a sudden, your social life takes a dive, especially if you have moved to another city where the friend base you established back in college is many hours drive away.

On top of that, like other people have mentioned, American life can be very isolating, with little opportunity to run into, or have proximity to, other people who are in the same place in life as you.

Which, for me, is why I try to only live in places where there are other single people, with nightlife, and WALKABILITY. The ability to make acquaintances is all about PROXIMITY to other people that you will have a lot on common with, at lest if you are single. Now, if I were married with kids, I would do things that are kid-oriented, and would meet other parents that way, and probably, over time, develop friendships.

[txstate]

People move to austin to move out of austin.

[txstate]

People dont have time for each other in this Blackberry Head Knob world. We check our phones and facebook more than our meeting people the old way bars, parks, church, events. Technology is taking over us socially. This is big with young adults, and people with nice paying jobs. They dont even pay attention to you beacuse you not in their circle. One day is all going bite us in the but not taking time to be with one another especally when your older because most people are dying from loneliness and broken hearts from other people. Dang I dont want to be alone when Im older.

[OneJackson]

Originally Posted by harrison512

No one at work likes to socialize - lunch, drinks after work - nope, they all race up to Round Rock or Cedar Park to get back to their families. I keep inviting my co-workers and their families to come over for a weekend brunch or lunch, but no one has ever accepted my invite.

+1

I had this same issue when I moved to Austin. here's what I know:

The people of Austin are very "clickish". they only like to hang/socialize with those they've known since highschool/college for some awkward reason. it's very shallow IMO. So you'll do either of two things:

1. Find some people who are not shallow or
2. Try your best to be friends with shallow people.

My neighbors say nothing to me either. I can be walking my dogs and waving and saying hi, and they just look the other way.

Southern Hospitality cannot be found in Texas. sorry.

Suggestions? How do you make friends in this city?

Get out. Go downtown on the weekends. there's lots of MILFs down there looking for a man
who doesn't have to 'go home' until he's good and ready...if you know what I mean...