Could ya'll define "Texas Friendly"? (Dallas, Austin: how much, neighborhood)

[jread]

Nobody in Austin has ever asked me what church I go to. Are you sure that wasn't "around" Austin somewhere?

As far as Texas Friendliness, I don't really think people are any different here than they are anywhere else when it comes to friendship. I've found that people are people, no matter where you go. I think the perception has more to do with the culture of a place. For instance, it is standard in Texan culture to smile, ask people how they're doing, hold doors open, let people over in traffic, wave if someone lets you over, etc. It is just the way society is here. Going back to the toll booth example, the person in Texas and the person in Massachusetts may be exactly the same as far as friendliness, or willingness to be your friend, but social norms and culture dictate their means of communication, and this may make the person in Texas seem friendlier to someone from another state, and it may seem the person in Massachusetts seem rude to someone from around here.

Even within Texas I have found large variations in social norms between different areas of the state. For instance, I grew up in Southeast Texas where people are generally standoffish with people they don't know. If they do know you, then they will do anything in the world for you, but if you are a stranger then they won't give you two seconds of their time. Around Central Texas, people are much more open and don't think twice about inviting total strangers walking down the street to their house party, etc.

The one thing I will say for Texas is that people are not as flaky as I've seen in other places. Texans tend to mean what they say, so if someone here tells you they would like to get together for lunch sometime, they will actually call you on it. People here also do not play the game where they're nice to your face and then badmouth you behind your back (this is very common in the Southeastern U.S.). If someone doesn't like you, they just won't talk to you (or they might even tell you they don't like you).

[G Grasshopper]

Originally Posted by jread

The one thing I will say for Texas is that people are not as flaky as I've seen in other places. Texans tend to mean what they say, so if someone here tells you they would like to get together for lunch sometime, they will actually call you on it. People here also do not play the game where they're nice to your face and then badmouth you behind your back (this is very common in the Southeastern U.S.). If someone doesn't like you, they just won't talk to you (or they might even tell you they don't like you).

I really hope you are right about this. I am very sick of flaky people. I like people to be straight forward and honest, but not to be rude about it. If they are not going to follow through on things they commit to, I would rather have them say "I don't want to do that" than just now show up. I am now living in the Bay Area, CA. There are many things to love about this area, but it certainly has its share of flaky people, not to mention isolationists. (I don't mean politically. People here never talk to their neighbors - think there's something wrong with you if you do.) I don't see the badmouthing behind your back type of behavior here - you have to talk to people to do that. Of course, there are great people here who I have met through work or volunteering, but just the general attitude in the neighborhoods and street, I find to be quite unfriendly. Not mean - just everyone in their own little bubble. I hoping to live where people care about and are interested in each other, and have a sense of community.

[CAtoTX09]

Originally Posted by Runemaster

Ain't that the truth. I think California invented "superficial friendliness".

That's true but so is the opposite. Of the six states I've lived in, California definitely had the most superficial, opportunistic people who are only interested in being "friends" if they could somehow take advantage of you or make a buck.

On the other hand, the closest friends I have are in California, despite the fact that I lived there the shortest time compared to anywhere else.

I will say that CA has the best drivers. Everyone moves and it's orderly despite being very fast. In TX however I wake up every day and wonder if it's the day I'll be killed by a maniac in a lifted truck who has no courtesy for other drivers.

[ATX Wahine]

I lived in Northern California for 38 years and I loved it. I've now lived in Texas for 2 years and I love it. I don't understand the constant comparisons and stereotypical comments I always see about the two states and the people who live in them. The daily life of any individual in any location is just so wildly varied I don't see how ANYONE can truly make a fair comparison of either state or it's inhabitants. I think it's a little ridiculous in fact that people try so hard to.

[jread]

Originally Posted by Nor Cal Wahine

I lived in Northern California for 38 years and I loved it. I've now lived in Texas for 2 years and I love it. I don't understand the constant comparisons and stereotypical comments I always see about the two states and the people who live in them. The daily life of any individual in any location is just so wildly varied I don't see how ANYONE can truly make a fair comparison of either state or it's inhabitants. I think it's a little ridiculous in fact that people try so hard to.

That's kind of the point I was trying to make. My most recent visits out of state included Portland and San Diego, and I found the people to be very pleasant in both cities. I didn't feel like they were any better or worse than the people in Austin. Also, I have to give the nod to Portland for having the best, most courteous drivers I've ever seen in my life.

[G Grasshopper]

Originally Posted by Nor Cal Wahine

I lived in Northern California for 38 years and I loved it. I've now lived in Texas for 2 years and I love it. I don't understand the constant comparisons and stereotypical comments I always see about the two states and the people who live in them. The daily life of any individual in any location is just so wildly varied I don't see how ANYONE can truly make a fair comparison of either state or it's inhabitants. I think it's a little ridiculous in fact that people try so hard to.

You are right that we tend to stereotype. My intention is not to do that but just to relate my experience, and what I am hoping to gain by returning to Texas. California is a great state in many ways, and my life has been so enriched by my experiences here. I will have a hard time leaving it, as it has been my home for 35 years. I, too, hate it when people generalize about what's wrong with California. I find that most people who do that really don't have direct, long term experience. And you are right that peoples' experience in different places will be wildly different. I'm just saying what I have experienced in my neighborhood, and hoping that the slower pace of life in the Austin area allows people to be more people and community centered. Also, I wouldn't say that all the people I know are superficial - far from it. It just seems that people here seem to regard their homes as so private, that they put up their 6 foot fences, and just hide inside. Regardless of the fact that this is almost a crime-free area, they don't want their kids playing in the neighborhood. They don't want someone to come over and welcome them when they move in. They don't want to talk to anyone when they are taking a walk. They want to be left alone. People here seem to seek socialization outside of their neighborhoods, in organized activities, which is perfectly valid. It just makes for a lonely day-to-day life, in my opinion. I grew up in a place where my family knew every family around us, and there were warm social connections. I miss that.

[capcat]

G Grasshopper, do you mind if I ask where you plan to live? We live north central, and have for about 26 years. It really feels like a small town to me. When we lived in the Allandale neighborhood block parties were organized annually. Everyone old, young, and in between, knew each other, took care of each other when needed, and felt welcome in the neighborhood. However, privacy was respected. Neighbors were tolerant, which is important to me (no one getting upset if I wanted to park my car in the driveway instead of the garage every day of my life ).

We moved, and it's slightly different in the neighborhood we live in now, but still, people smile, wave, and exchange small talk while walking through the neighborhood. I could get involved in the neighborhood association and neighborhood activities and get to know people better if I chose to, but for now I'm enjoying a respite from knowing everyone. I was ready for a bit of space.

Your age shouldn't be a problem. There are a number of ways to get to know people here. Neighborhood coffee shops I frequent are filled with people I've come to know. Volunteering is a wonderful way, and you indicate that you are that kind of person.

It depends upon the person, but your posting style leads me to believe that you won't have difficulty making friends here in Austin. Overall, I'd say Austin can be as friendly as you want it to be. I think you'll like it.

[G Grasshopper]

Capcat, we are most strongly considering living in Lakeway, which is very close to where my sister lives. We are retired, so no commute. And I very much home to be able to kayak regularly on the lake and hike in the greenbelt.

[capcat]

As many years as I've lived in this area, I'm not very familiar with Lakeway and many neighborhoods of Austin, outside of what is now north-central.

However, I suspect each neighborhood has it's own climate, or culture, of friendliness. You spoke of people not coming to the door to welcome new neighbors in your neighborhood. I missed that earlier, but had thought since about how people came to the door with cookies, etc. to welcome us when we moved to the Allandale neighborhood 26 or so years ago (even our Californian neighbor ). By now, many have lived there anywhere from 20 to 40 years. It was and still is a very comfortable place to be and we made many life-long friends. I work in the Rosedale neighborhood, and find the people who live in that neighborhood to be equally friendly and to have a sense of community.

Friendliness may be a matter of degree, depending upon the neighborhood. In my current neighborhood just a few miles away, people are friendly and walkers will throw up a hand to wave, even if I'm in my car but, overall, it feels more formal. Going next door to borrow a cup of flour or sugar is no longer something I would do . However, the privacy of this setting is one reason I chose my home, so it was a good match and what I wanted at this point in my life.

[Skeptical]

Nice to your face if they don't know you're a liberal, if they don't know you're an athiest, and they don't know you're from California.