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He's buying it with his wallet in mind, which isn't unreasonable.
Just saying that if she normally gets to make all the decisions, she should let him have this one.
He's buying it for both to share so he is trying to think for everyone. Let him have the decision but she should just get a car that she wants. That is also quite reasonable. He can buy his penny pinching Honda and she gets what she wants. Giving him the decision doesn't mean she should be forced to drive it.
You know, I am not usually one of those "this is mine and that is yours and neener neener" type of people (in marriage).
We don't have MY ipad and YOUR computer and MY tv and YOUR blender or whatever the hell.
But some personal items can be personal...I mean, that daily use stuff. Like your cell phone (though my wife can use mine any time she wants, but why would she want to...she's iphone and I'm android). Or your toothbrush. And I feel the same about cars. If you spend enough time in them (I have a long commute, she used to commute a lot and now she drags the kid everywhere), the car is kind of your little place. I don't care if she takes my sports car (she hates my car) or uses my 4Runner instead of her SRX (both have car seats)...I don't care. But there is no wholesale "family car." We pick them because we are the ones who use them primarily. So she can eat and drink in her car (which I do NOT tolerate in my vehicles) and do whatever she wants and I can do whatever I want.
Op, I think part of your problem is all the car sharing you have been doing...if it's everyone's car, then everyone gets huge input. If it hadn't been set up that way, this would be an easier conversation.
Thanks everyone for all the ideas, this is really getting bad. We are fighting about this all the time. Basically he wants to buy the cheapest car possible (Honda civic), while I want to buy something nicer (Subaru forester) for the dogs, hauling stuff, road trips etc. The other car we have is an Accord so if we buy a civic we would have two sedans. My argument is that we need one sedan (the Accord we already have) and one other car that is more utlilitarian and good for road trips (the Forester i want). He just wants to buy another sedan, the cheapest Honda sedan. He is very concerned about the economy and one of us losing our jobs. It's not on the horizon or anything, but he is very "worst-case scenario" in his thinking. Whereas I am more like "best-case scenario".
I am a car lover and if I am going to drive a car for a long time, it better be comfortable. Of course I am not gonna go out and buy a luxury car but what I am asking is for us to spend 5-10000 more than what a civic would cost.
He is more like "cars are for going from point A to point B and you get the cheapest quality car period".
I would choose a Forester over a Civic any day. And you give very good reasons for getting the Forester. It's very nice to have an SUV for hauling things and especially if you have pets. Heck, maybe the best compromise is a Honda CRV. This way he is happy because it's a Honda and you are happy because it's a small SUV. A low end CRV probably isn't that much more expensive than a mid-range Civic, right? Maybe $3 different?
How about this....you agree to purchase the car and it will be YOURs. You pay for it and he doesn't contribute a dime toward it. Then you stop paying for his car...any of it, immediately. Then when it's time for another new vehicle he buys whatever he wants and be pays for it. And same with your next vehicle. And you each drive your own car going forward. You can even pay for your own gas separately if he starts complaining that his small el-cheapo car gets better gas mileage then your SUV.
I'd put my foot down if someone forced me to get a car I didn't want unless they were paying for it.
I'm not sure what kind of features you feel are lacking in the cabin of a Honda or what model you are considering but the last 4 cars my wife has had were Honda Accords and she wouldn't have anything else!! I've had several friends with Subaru vehicles and they have had mixed results with dependability with them, nothing major but just constant minor issues. You didn't state what part of the country you live in but is the four-wheel-drive feature of the Subaru something you like and need? It obviously has more moving parts and thus will create more maintenance issues. Most Hondas are front-wheel-drive which is probably the simplest drivetrain type of any of them.
How are you married and someone pay for something by themselves?
Huh?
Person 1 works and gets paid and uses that money for their car.
Person 2 works nda gets paid and uses that money for their car.
This avoids arguments about money like the OP is having. If person 1 wants a cheap car, then they only have to pay for the cheap car. If person 2 wants an expensive car, then they choose to pay more money for that car and person #1 isn't stuck paying for the expensive car.
Person 1 works and gets paid and uses that money for their car.
Person 2 works nda gets paid and uses that money for their car.
This avoids arguments about money like the OP is having. If person 1 wants a cheap car, then they only have to pay for the cheap car. If person 2 wants an expensive car, then they choose to pay more money for that car and person #1 isn't stuck paying for the expensive car.
Most healthy marriages don't involve people saying, "I earned this money, so it's mine."
Most healthy marriages don't involve people saying, "I earned this money, so it's mine."
It's actually not uncommon these days (versus many years ago) for both spouses to have separate financial accts and then share some expenses such as housing/children. This can avoid arguments about money if one spouse likes to spend lots of money on clothing or an expensive car, for example.
Many years ago you never heard of this arrangement,but it's gradually changing since you see more 2 career households.
With many spouses living together prior to marriage, they learned how to keep some finances separate and some shared - and it worked and avoided arguments about money (one of the biggest reasons for divorce.). I don't think I would call one marriage healthy or not just because of the way finances are handled. I guess it's healthy if they aren't arguing or considering divorce over financial related issues.
"A generation ago, couples merged their finances as soon as they merged households. Today, married people’s financial affairs aren’t so simple. A 2005 survey conducted by the Raddon Financial Group and reported in the Wall Street Journal found that 48 percent of married couples have two or more checking accounts between them, an 11 percent increase from just four years earlier.
As couples marry later in life and enter their union with more money, more assets, more liabilities, and more drama, they become increasingly unwilling to pool all their resources in joint savings and checking accounts. They look at separate accounts as a way to maintain their emotional and financial independence.
...Having separate bank accounts doesn’t reflect a lack of commitment to the marriage; it reflects the reality that money is messy, and there’s no such thing as a one-size-fits-all approach to managing it."
Most healthy marriages don't involve people saying, "I earned this money, so it's mine."
Yeah but it's not about that. It's about the fact that they make their own money so they have the right to use on what they want. If you make your own income then you can get your own car. It's not about who earned the money. It's about that each person makes an income so they can spend that money on something they desire. I'm sure most healthy marriages aren't all about throwing every cent they make into a community pool anymore.
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