Trouble making friends with people in Alabama (Birmingham, Huntsville: renting, house)

[ala300]

Hi everyone,

We moved to Alabama last October and everything is awesome except one thing: we are having a very hard time making friends.

People are very nice to us and we are very nice to people but having that deep connection where you hang out together at home, go places, spend evenings talking - that's missing.

We live about 80 miles from Birmingham, close to Centre AL.

Here is another thing that throws people off: we are in late 20's but not married and more like friends, renting a house together, and are both perfectly ok with hanging out with people of opposite sexes . Some get weird about that in here.

We lived in Kalamazoo, Michigan before and it was never an issue.

But in here, it jut seems so hard to make friends!

Can anyone help or give suggestions? BIG thanks in advance.

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by ala300

Hi everyone,

We moved to Alabama last October and everything is awesome except one thing: we are having a very hard time making friends.

People are very nice to us and we are very nice to people but having that deep connection where you hang out together at home, go places, spend evenings talking - that's missing.

We live about 80 miles from Birmingham, close to Centre AL.

Here is another thing that throws people off: we are in late 20's but not married and more like friends, renting a house together, and are both perfectly ok with hanging out with people of opposite sexes . Some get weird about that in here.

We lived in Kalamazoo, Michigan before and it was never an issue.

But in here, it jut seems so hard to make friends!

Can anyone help or give suggestions? BIG thanks in advance.

Centre is in the middle of a beautiful area, but it's not exactly the dimple of the cultural universe in terms of things to do. So I could see where it would be more difficult to meet people. Also, smaller Southern towns tend to be places where everybody grew up together and never left. So it's not really an issue with you. It's just that they already have their sets of friends.

My suggestion? Find an activity you both enjoy a lot, whether it's hiking or kayaking or church or music or something else and find a nearby group of people who share your passion. Or join a couple of civic groups that devote themselves to causes you particularly like. That's where I'd start. Hope that helps, and good luck.

[EscAlaMike]

Yeah. Most people in small towns/rural areas grew up there, so they already have their relationships well-established by the time they are adults. You have to decide what is more important to you. Living in a beautiful, rural paradise, or living somewhere like Birmingham or Huntsville where there are boatloads of 20-somethings who are from other places also looking for friends.

[Reactionary]

ala300 = "We moved to Alabama last October... but having that deep connection..."

You haven't even been there a year, so IMO expecting a "deep connection" is unrealistic. Give it some time. As cpg35223 and FSUMike commented, living "close" to a town of 3,500 people doesn't provide the opportunity to meet many people...

[ala300]

Originally Posted by cpg35223

My suggestion? Find an activity you both enjoy a lot, whether it's hiking or kayaking or church or music or something else and find a nearby group of people who share your passion. Or join a couple of civic groups that devote themselves to causes you particularly like. That's where I'd start. Hope that helps, and good luck.

Many thanks for reply. We tried... All went for a trip together.

Every time we try to invite people, it is always "yes, sure, let's do it" but no following through. It all stops with just talk.

In fact, I noticed this trait happens a lot in USA compared to Europe. Not with all people, of course, but generally a lot.

[ala300]

Originally Posted by FSUMike

Yeah. Most people in small towns/rural areas grew up there, so they already have their relationships well-established by the time they are adults. You have to decide what is more important to you. Living in a beautiful, rural paradise, or living somewhere like Birmingham or Huntsville where there are boatloads of 20-somethings who are from other places also looking for friends.

Mike, we are seriously considering moving to either Huntsville or Birmingham. I love the area and I love people here too, but like you said - relationships are well-established.

Another thing is that "everyone" has kids in here. Are don't yet. Being in late 20's with no kids seems a bit off here.

[ala300]

Originally Posted by Reactionary

ala300 = "We moved to Alabama last October... but having that deep connection..."

You haven't even been there a year, so IMO expecting a "deep connection" is unrealistic. Give it some time. As cpg35223 and FSUMike commented, living "close" to a town of 3,500 people doesn't provide the opportunity to meet many people...

Right, I understand, but when I lived in MI - it was way easier and faster. When I lived in Europe - it was nearly instant, I was always able to find one or two people with whom we connect very fast and it starts deepening quickly.

In here it is not even close to making a solid connection outside of a church, gas station, store...

You are right, with 3500 people or so it is tougher.

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by ala300

Mike, we are seriously considering moving to either Huntsville or Birmingham. I love the area and I love people here too, but like you said - relationships are well-established.

Another thing is that "everyone" has kids in here. Are don't yet. Being in late 20's with no kids seems a bit off here.

Bingo. That's it in a nutshell.

[SawBoi]

Some places in the south are the south and some places are the new south. You may need to move to a town that is more culturally aligned with the new south.