Reposting as a blog entry, as I'm utterly infuriated...

I have worked long and hard on my early childhood unhappiness, pain and TRAUMAS and at a kind of ending.
Yesterday, while on a long walk out of doors, I came to see just how the PTSD of our dad had set me up to live with the relentless burden of PTSD for most of my early life.
The combination of my older brother's violent hatred and jealousy of my plus our dad's occasional violent outburst left me in a permanent state of fear, anxiety, depression and an early desire to commit suicide...

[QUOTE=BeyondInfinity;46514887]With the people that Trump is adding to his cabinet, he is sure to put the nails into our coffin.[/QUOTE]

You got that right.

My head was buzzing like a maniac, constantly going over the same problem, thinking, analyzing, debating, discussing. I WAS TALKING TO MYSELF like a crazy person. I can't sleep, can't focus on work, & a restlessness took over me. For days I have not done anything productive but to think about my issue.

I knew how to handle this madness. I made a post on message board to talk it out. I jotted down some notes in my journal about this feeling (1-2 paragraph), I went...

I found out I am lazy & that is my problem. I don't like struggle, I am not making progress in life not because I fear the challenge or fear what people will think or fear the uncertainty, actually I thrive in those. I love experimenting but what I don't like to do is STRUGGLE. I don't want to complicate life, I don't want to work hard, I don't want to make it difficult. But as Brendon Burchard said in his YouTube/podcast "The Pains of Progress"
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