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A guy I know was dating a woman ("Ann") while living with another woman ("Julie"). This went on for almost a year. Julie finally moved out, and he's been seeing Ann but his guilt is killing him. He still talks to Julie occasionally, she texts him every day, she is depressed, she has no family or friends here. He claims to love both of them, and cannot choose between them, although when he met Ann it was because he was dissatisfied with the relationship with Julie. Both women feel he is the one. He knows he needs time to figure things out but he also knows he needs to make a decision. I feel that if he forces himself to make a decision before he's emotionally ready, he will make the wrong choice. I REALLY feel he needs to talk to a professional therapist but he doesn't seem to want to. Is there a book anyone can recommend? A book that would help him determine what he wants/needs? There's tons of books about guilt, is that what I should be looking under?
I'm not sure that the issue is either a book or alleviating his guilt. This is a monogamous society, so if he was cheating, he should feel guilty. If the women had any sense they'd both dump him. And if he's not interested enough to go looking for a book or therapist himself, even though you're a wonderful concerned friend, I doubt you can help with this.
Sounds like he's only still with Julie out of guilt. He feels guilty over leaving her when she's depressed and also feels guilty about cheating on her. It's not his job to "take care of her", if she's depressed, that's not something he can "fix" for her so he should not stay with her out of any feelings of responsibility for looking after to her. As for the cheating on Julie, he should feel guilty but staying with her is only going to make things worse. He claims to still love her because again, it eases his guilt. He doesn't need therapy or a self help book, he just needs to grow a backbone and end a relationship which he obviously doesn't want to be in any more.
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