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Old 08-14-2010, 07:12 PM
 
Location: SoCal
2,261 posts, read 7,220,649 times
Reputation: 960

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Oh, you're not discouraging me! I lived in CA for almost 9 years. After moving away, I've missed it like hell. There are DEFINITELY lots of reasons not to live there, but the pros make up for it. For me, anyway... not for everyone.

OMG! The long goodbye! I know a LOT of people who do it!!! I think it's some weird personality disorder and not where you are from. I know SEVERAL people in Boston like that. My mother-in-law (from Chicago) is like that. My LA realtor who is originally from Kentucky does it too. They just have this really really weird thing about saying goodbye! WHY?!

I LOVE that my mom says "I have nothing else to say. Bye!" when we talk on the phone. My cousin says "My ear is sweating. bye!"

My husband (who's from Chicago) thinks it's kind of harsh & abrupt but it's SO much better than the alternative.

Also, for the record, the LAST thing I want to do is have a conversation with a stranger on the street. That is NOT the kind of "friendliness" I'm talking about. I've just found that in other states, people often go out of their way to just generally be nice. At the grocery store (the first time someone came up to me and asked if they could help me find anything, I thought they were trying to pick me up. Turns out, they were truly asking me if they could help!), in restaurants (my husband always makes fun of this guy who waited on us in Malden, just after we'd moved, who came over and said "Dja pick one yet?" in an irritated voice while we were looking at the menu), etc...

I don't know if it's the weather making the people here miserable... or the fact that they work harder here (when I worked an office job in LA, most people rolled in at around 9:30am and left at 4:30. It was awesome. When I worked one here in Woburn, when I would work 7:30am - 8pm, I would get jokes about working a half day. No lie), or the more conservative lifestyle vs a more laid back one, or what.

Quote:
Originally Posted by K-Luv View Post
Funny, I got a lot of 'Why did you live California? Are you crazy!", when I lived in KS, MN, and ME. Not to discourage you, but there are plenty of reasons not to live in California.

The only example of 'fake' nice I give comes from living in Minnesota. People there, for the most part, are extremely reserved and would rather not talk to you. But, more than likely due to the Scandinavian heritage, there is something in the culture that compels locals to be friendly just for the sake of being pleasant. No one will rock the boat and no one will say what they really want to say to you. Your neighbor will inform you that you can borrow his lawnmower or snowblower, then act like you are really inconveniencing him when you do ask to use it (i.e., if they are not busy pretending not to be home).

If you encounter someone that you know on the street, they feel obligated to have a five or ten minute conversation with you even though you don't and it is painfully obvious that they don't, either.

And, they do this thing called the long-good bye. Let's say someone gets up to leave. They take two steps towards the door, then stop to say one last thing, or the host says one last thing. Then two more steps, another last thing. Repeat. A half hour later and the person still hasn't left yet even though they are at the door. The same holds true with phone conversations.

All of this creates one really passive-aggressive climate, and I couldn't take it any more. So I moved. I assumed that the 'East Coast' attitude would be more my speed since people from Nor Cal are fairly direct.

Maine is the only place that I have ever been where if someone said 'hi' to you or inquired about your day I felt they truly meant it.
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Old 08-14-2010, 07:46 PM
 
Location: Rhode Island/Mass
583 posts, read 1,322,216 times
Reputation: 354
MA and other parts of Northern RI has always been kind of closed, not so much in RI and CT. The bottom line is in the South, friendliness, kindness, and charm is upheld as part of the culture, same is true for laid back West Coast vibes.

This subject has been debated here before, with quite a bit of defensiveness on the part of those who are against 'friendliness' amongst strangers . To each his own- although different places I've been in MA I would say the vibe can be rather unfriendly, and who wants that.

And how ironic that, in Ireland, whose roots with MA run so deep, friendliness and making connections with strangers is SO beloved, and is what everyone loves about Ireland, and what so many people from the US go to Ireland for.
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Old 08-15-2010, 10:58 AM
 
Location: Maryland's 6th District.
8,358 posts, read 25,194,688 times
Reputation: 6540
Quote:
Originally Posted by Saltatrix View Post

This subject has been debated here before, with quite a bit of defensiveness on the part of those who are against 'friendliness' amongst strangers . To each his own- although different places I've been in MA I would say the vibe can be rather unfriendly, and who wants that.
I have a memory of reading about this subject on CD in the past, but I searched for it and couldn't find the thread so I started my own.
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Old 08-16-2010, 12:41 AM
 
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
20 posts, read 34,810 times
Reputation: 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by K-luv
Well then I guess I am a hideous freak, thanks.

And there is a good chance that these people were tourists who thought you were a local.
K-luv, you don't have to call yourself a hideous freak. I'm probably a bigger freak than you are. I do agree that each city has a different attitude and west coast and east coast are of a different milieu.

I am a SF Bay native, ethnic, and dress in a very stylish fashion which made me stood out. I got looks from everyone it seemed, tourists and natives. But perhaps you are onto something that I wasn't able to notice, I don't know. I haven't a clue about east coast culture except for the fact that they dress very professionaly in business attire, collars and whatnot.

Last edited by catknip; 08-16-2010 at 01:12 AM..
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Old 08-16-2010, 11:34 AM
 
Location: Newton, Mass.
2,954 posts, read 12,284,202 times
Reputation: 1511
Quote:
Originally Posted by K-Luv View Post
It is more common for someone to give the head tilt/nod as they pass and maybe through out a quick 'wassup'. It is not an invitation to anything, but in reality, the opposite. If someone said 'hi' (in what ever fashion), and you did not return in a similar fashion, the person will either think that you are stuck-up and believe that you are above him/her, or that you are afraid of them. Acknowledging their presence shows that you are comfortable with the situation, no matter how brief the encounter.

So yeah, a cultural difference.
Maybe this is why people from other parts of the US are so convinced that everyone in MA, even townies from Everett, are "stuck up" and "elitist."
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Old 08-16-2010, 11:50 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,765 posts, read 40,091,372 times
Reputation: 18071
I feel that NYC would have the same feel as Boston, in terms of strangers not looking each other in the eyes. But I think that if you were in a suburban MA town, the residents there would be friendlier on the streets. And I've been up in Portland, ME and it's not a city like Boston is. It smaller in size and much less dense in population. So it's not fair to compare it to Boston. And I would say that the larger the city and the more densely populated it is, the less friendly its residents are to strangers.

And I'm a dog lover, and I know better to look any strange dog in its eyes. Most animals take a direct look into the eyes as a sign of possible aggression or challenge to their territory.
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Old 08-16-2010, 01:09 PM
 
219 posts, read 876,592 times
Reputation: 102
Less people do the Jeep wave here too
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Old 08-16-2010, 01:33 PM
 
Location: SoCal
2,261 posts, read 7,220,649 times
Reputation: 960
You'd be wrong about much of what you'd written. Chicago, Austin, & LA are much friendlier than Boston. And bigger.

I would imagine NYC is on par w/ Boston, but as I've only visited and never lived there... I couldn't say for sure. I've encountered both friendliness AND rudeness there.

And, if anything, a lot of suburban towns are LESS friendly than Boston proper. Just try going to Everett sometime, heh.

And as people aren't dogs, your dog comment doesn't make much sense.

Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
I feel that NYC would have the same feel as Boston, in terms of strangers not looking each other in the eyes. But I think that if you were in a suburban MA town, the residents there would be friendlier on the streets. And I've been up in Portland, ME and it's not a city like Boston is. It smaller in size and much less dense in population. So it's not fair to compare it to Boston. And I would say that the larger the city and the more densely populated it is, the less friendly its residents are to strangers.

And I'm a dog lover, and I know better to look any strange dog in its eyes. Most animals take a direct look into the eyes as a sign of possible aggression or challenge to their territory.
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Old 08-16-2010, 01:48 PM
 
Location: Beautiful Rhode Island
9,260 posts, read 14,834,877 times
Reputation: 10284
Who walks down a busy city street and looks every stranger in the eye? This is not unfriendliness- it's survival in the big city.
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Old 08-16-2010, 05:47 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,765 posts, read 40,091,372 times
Reputation: 18071
Quote:
Originally Posted by readymade View Post
You'd be wrong about much of what you'd written. Chicago, Austin, & LA are much friendlier than Boston. And bigger.

I would imagine NYC is on par w/ Boston, but as I've only visited and never lived there... I couldn't say for sure. I've encountered both friendliness AND rudeness there.

And, if anything, a lot of suburban towns are LESS friendly than Boston proper. Just try going to Everett sometime, heh.

And as people aren't dogs, your dog comment doesn't make much sense.
I've been to Austin several times, and it's not as densely populated per square foot as Boston is.

Otherwise, just go to some rough section of any city and start staring in the eyes of the people there and see how they treat you. Staring is a challenge for humans too. Oh yeah, and go stare at some primates in a zoo also, and see how they like that.
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