Should I move back home after living on my own, OR get a roommate? (apartments)

[HonestOneCali]

I've lived on my own for the past 5 years, but recently got a new job with a huge paycut. I lived with a family member (father and his new family) for 1 year out of those 5 and it was okay, just felt like a child again not being able to have company over. I have the option of doing that, or just renting with a roommate/housemate or living paycheck to paycheck in my current apartment. My roommate preferences are simple. What is your experience with living paycheck to paycheck on your own/having a roommate/or just moving back home?

[Cantabridgienne]

I've lived with roommates and I've lived paycheck-to-paycheck. I haven't lived at home since summers during college and would never see that as a viable option as an adult.

What about option D, finding a cheaper apartment? When is your lease up?

[goyguy]

Family dynamics are THE driving factor here. I know full well that I'll always be my parents' child. But when I'm back for visits and looking to go out and do something or connect with people (C-D'ers!) I could do without being grilled about it. That, like me, got "old" a long time ago. We've grown to appreciate if not always embrace our individual differences, but in my fam blood runs thicker than water. Though I look forward to trips to see them, I'd only move back to my home town - much less under the parental roof - under duress or if the folks need my help as they age. Back in the day I endured extreme boredom after dropping out of college in order to sock away as much money as possible from the jobs I took. Once I had a nice nest egg accumulated I got out of there and never looked back. But that's me. Perhaps your relatives are more compatible and therefore easier to coexist with over time.

I've definitely been there and done that in terms of taking a big financial hit. Mere months after buying my first (and so far only) home, my employer cried poor-mouth and sacked all of its second- and third-shift supervisors, one of whom was Yours Truly. There I was with no job and a mortgage, with winter (heating bills) around the corner. For most of the ensuing twelve years I had to juggle two and sometimes three gigs to stay independent and keep a roof over my head. I did try renting my second bedroom for a while, but the situation wasn't entirely happy because I was the landlord as well as a housemate. (Plus, the bedrooms in my condo are right-angled to each other, not a good thing when waking hours aren't compatible or when privacy i.e. with a date/hookup is sought.) OTOH when I apartment shared in the past it was always a good arrangement moneywise. If my co-tenants didn't work out as friends they or I simply left. For me the choice between moving back home and sharing an apartment is a no-brainer. The stress and strain of working 6-7 days a week with hours "all over the map" never let up, and I once came scarily close to causing a major traffic accident due to sleep deprivation. But I clawed my way back up the financial ladder, have one job - with "normal" hours - once more, and am glad to have done it my way.

This occurred to me as I wrote - yet another alternative would perhaps be to do the same job juggling thing I did in order to achieve comparable income and maintain independence. Ya think?

[Beachcomber4]

^ Great advice from Goyguy~!

[ogre]

I did once move back in with my parents after living on my own. Big mistake. I made this move only because I felt my circumstances were desperate. Maybe I could have planned better and avoided those desperate circumstances. Live and learn. I do not recommend doing this.

Goyguy pointed out that feeling free to come and go without having your parents prying into your plans can be a problem, but that actually was not what I found to be the major issue. The whole dynamic of you and your family and your relationship to them has changed once you've lived on your own. Even if your parents want to help you out, they are likely to resent your presence once they've gotten used to the idea that they are finished raising you and you are on your own. And if you do end up back in their house, they are likely to continue treating you as their child in all sorts of ways that include, but go beyond, wanting to know your plans when you go out for an evening. My experience was that my parents tried to run every area of my life. It was stifling (sometimes very much so) to have them always knowing when I was home and when I was out. As bad as that was, it was even worse when, for example, they started trying to choose my career plans for me. That's what can happen, because once you're back in your parents' house, to a great degree they start viewing you as their child again.

It's an unnatural relationship to be back in the situation of living like your parents' child once everyone, including you, has gotten used to your living on your own. I seriously recommend that you do not move in with your parents unless you find yourself in truly dire circumstances, truly with nowhere else to turn. Even better, avoid the mistake I made back when, and don't ever even have it in the back of your mind that you could move in with Mom and Dad if things got really bad. Think of this as not even being an option, so you have to make it on your own, and you'll make the right choices so that you don't find yourself in the kind of dire situation where Mom and Dad seem like your only option.

[HonestOneCali]

My lease is up in June. I am still looking at the roommate avenue, but have thought about just getting a cheaper apartment as mentioned by Cantabridggene. You guys are all right about not even making it an option. As an adult I feel like I have come very far and moving back home, would mentally set me back. So for now I am using roommates.com and looking at apartments fairly close to move out by July. Thanks for the advice and the stories.