Can a single mom survive in Boston? (Andover: low income, fit in)

[ArizonaMommy]

I want to move to Boston Summer/Fall 2012. I want to start college there (A bit of a late start, ill be 21yrs old) and work there. Right now Im working on becoming a manager at a restaurant but just got a job offer for Raytheon so hoping that works out. My daughter will be 2-3 years old. So a few concerns I have after the research ive done.

-Is it going to be impossible to become a roomie with a small child? (we would share 1 bedroom)
Boston is pretty expensive compared to what Im used to and I feel like I would DEFINITELY need to at least start out in a apartment/house with roomies.

-Are there programs that help with daycare expenses?
As I will be going to school and working I will be dependant on some sort of child care and was wondering if anywhere has cheap or discounted child care for students and/or single mothers?

-How does one socialize in Boston?
I heard most people are to themselves and aloof. Im also like this so I will partly fit in but wont meet anyone that way! Where are to no-no places to try to talk to people? and where do most people strike convos?

Im sure ive forgotten something but for now if there are any other suggestions, please feel free to comment!

[ogre]

Hi ArizonaMommy, and welcome to the MA forum. About your questions:

Finding roommates when you have a small child living with you: This could be tricky, because mostly the people renting with roommates are single, childless college students and young professionals, so your way of life and theirs may well not be compatible. I wouldn't say that this would be impossible to find, because there are lots of people out there with a variety of living arrangements. Almost any living setup you can think of can probably be found somewhere. You may not have a lot of choices, though, and it may be hit or miss on finding the options for this arrangement that might exist.

I'd suggest that you give us some idea of your probable housing budget. It might be that there are possibilities within your budget that would not require roommates. If people here had an idea of your budget, they could give you a better idea of what you might or might not be able to find in this area.

Another option you might want to check out is to determine whether the college you end up attending offers family housing. That's not always a real bargain, but at least is another possibility to look into.

Childcare questions: I'm not familiar with this situation. I would suggest that you might want to check with Raytheon (or whatever employer) and your college to find out whether they provide on-site childcare.

Socializing: Generally people here are less likely to engage in casual conversations when they're out and about tending to business, including personal business like shopping, than they will be in obviously social situations. People often won't be especially open to idle conversations while riding on public transit, for example. Trying to strike up a light conversation with someone standing next to you in line in a store is fine, but to continue trying to talk with someone who clearly does not respond in kind to your initial overture would be frowned on.

Think about what you enjoy doing. Social situations centering around common interests often provide a better opportunity for friendly interaction than moving about in public in the general hustle and bustle. I've also found that restaurants, bars, coffee shops, etc., where you become a regular customer can be places where you begin to find that employees who get to recognize you as a regular, and other regular customers, will open up and engage in conversation. It depends on the place, because a heavily townie neighborhood kind of place may have a crowd of regulars who've all lived in the neighborhood for years and known each other all that time, and they may be aloof toward newcomers, but most eateries and watering holes, as long as they're not big assembly line kinds of places, are good for a bit of friendly social interaction.

[zaphod001]

Re: housing and childcare, you have hit upon what will likely be the two biggest financial stressors if you do relocate here; they are much more expensive in Boston than in many other areas of the country. I do not know about subsidized child care opportunities. In my experience those with limited housing budgets save money by 1) getting roommates (as you mention) or living with relatives, 2) living further out from Boston, or 3) living in "less nice" areas. Those with limited child care budgets have relatives take care of their kids, or as a second choice can get family day-care (generally more affordable than center-based day care, although often still very, very expensive). I think the reason day care is so expensive in the Boston area is that you essentially have to pay people enough to ALSO live in an area with a high cost of living, and also that day cares have to maintain safe (and state-mandated) staffing ratios with kids.

As far as socializing, I would say as the parent of a toddler that there are a lot of opportunities to socialize with other parents. This can range from things such as community parent groups (when I lived in Jamaica Plain there was a very active group called JPMoms) and social opportunities with other parents who participate in activities together, to just striking up conversations with other parents in playgrounds, at the public library, etc. Now, if you are also thinking of socializing as a way to meet other single folks, this strategy probably will not work so well!

Good luck!

[ArizonaMommy]

Thanks for your answers. Right now im unsure of my budget because this will be a year from now that id be going. I dont have any family up there so I would be reliant on child care/baby sitter. I would be willing to live 20-30 min from boston and as long as the place is safe im okay with it not being the gem of the block. Cheap area suggestions that are still pretty safe would be great.
Is there some kind of government program up there for those who dont make very much money to support their child? Like here in arizona my daughter is on a health insurance program where her health insurance is free because of my wages. I was told daycare is free or a very very low price with this program also. but i havent needed daycare here as i have family to watch her.

[zaphod001]

Good questions. I will leave the question of where to live to others. I also wonder if someone else can speak more knowledgeably about the income-eligible voucher program for child care for low income residents. I know Massachusetts does have a program for working parents with low income. There is some information on a website called "massresources" under income-eligible child care (also google-able), you might want to start there.

[LeavingMassachusetts]

Originally Posted by ArizonaMommy

Thanks for your answers. Right now im unsure of my budget because this will be a year from now that id be going. I dont have any family up there so I would be reliant on child care/baby sitter. I would be willing to live 20-30 min from boston and as long as the place is safe im okay with it not being the gem of the block. Cheap area suggestions that are still pretty safe would be great.
Is there some kind of government program up there for those who dont make very much money to support their child? Like here in arizona my daughter is on a health insurance program where her health insurance is free because of my wages. I was told daycare is free or a very very low price with this program also. but i havent needed daycare here as i have family to watch her.

So you want to move to one of the most expensive cities in the country and expect free childcare and health insurance????

Yes, a single Mom can survive in Boston..and it doesn't have to be at the expense of the taxpayers.

[NotAPrincess]

I think the question of where to live will be more easily answered when you know exactly where you'll be working and going to school. Raytheon has an office in Andover....is that the one you'd be working at? Because if so, you have a lot more options north of there, and possibly even worth looking in New Hampshire.

I'm afraid I don't know anything concrete about public assistance. But I do know that some schools and many employers offer discounts on childcare. You say your child will be 2-3 years old, which is an age where preschool/daycare becomes a little bit cheaper. But for example, the day care where our son goes charges 1500/month for full time care for preschool aged kids. It's a center, and there are sure to be cheaper options out there, especially home-based day care centers.

Lastly, having a kid is like having a dog....it's a great ice breaker and makes it relatively easy to meet people. I wouldn't worry about that part.

[AandD]

I'vew debated several days about replying to this. It's not my place to affer you advice, but here it is anyway...

As someone who has been a single mom, and moved to about 20 minutes south of Boston - WITH a Master's degree and a job in hand - I can tell you there are SO many more places that will give you a better quality of life on a limited budget.

A few thoughts: For most assistance programs, you have to meet residency requirements. Where you live will largely determine what's available to you. Many non-profit and low income sources of assistance have dried up due to the ongoing budget issues. You will have less financial aid left over to live on here, due to residency requirements and the higher cost per credit hour.

You will qualify for about the same amount of financial aid no matter where you go to college. I would find the best spot for yourself FINANCIALLY right now, and then move to the Boston area when you finish school and have a job.

I moved up here knowing no one. Life was immeasurably harder here in the beginning than it was in Texas - where I had a support system. I had 12,000 in savings and went through it ALL, plus student loans and my comfortable (extremely modest by Boston standards) salary in my first year here. I was faced with life-changing decisions in order to make it work here.

It's a new world economy. I know many ivy league grads who are jobless right now. Be sure to look at options that may set you up better to succeed without carrying a heavy debt-load.

[ArizonaMommy]

I will need government assistance wherever i go being a single mom... until i make enough money otherwise... thats the way it is being a SINGLE mom yet to get her degree.

[LeavingMassachusetts]

Originally Posted by ArizonaMommy

I will need government assistance wherever i go being a single mom... until i make enough money otherwise... thats the way it is being a SINGLE mom yet to get her degree.

It doesn't have to be. I was a single mom and raised 2 sons and never took a dime of anything....and I finished 2 degrees.

I'm sorry, but your child is already 2 or 3, that is too long to be getting government assisitance. And to move to one of the most expensive places in the country and expect more of it? Forgive me, but it angers me.