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This time I have to be really SURE the new city is the right one. Hoping Boston is it, but maybe there is another place I haven't thought of? Pretty set on experiencing the East Coast.
I live in LA (born and raised) and have always HATED it, for many reasons. Including the "perfect" weather A few years ago I up and moved to Chicago, without much of a plan, without knowing anyone or even having a job lined up. It was fine for about 6 months, I had a steady stream of contract work. (I'm a graphic designer, late 30's, female). Then of course the economy tanked, and I couldn't find any work at all. The thing about LA that always draws me back is there is so much work to be had in my field. So I made the painful decision to give up on Chicago and move back. I got a great job offer here. I still make decent money here (70K), and have a cheap but great apartment (only $900!). So life is good...except I hate it here! I learned in Chicago that I'm the type who really needs 4 seasons. It really improves my mood! And yes, Chicago winter was no biggie for me. I am weird like that. I loved it. I also love old architecture, places with history. LA is so ugly it's horrible.
Another factor in this decision is how horrendous the dating scene is here for a woman over 35. Hoping that would be better in Boston. Looking for real people who want something that might last more than a week. Not looking for family and kids, just a meaningful relationship. A circle of friends would be great too. I've heard Bostonians are not easy to get to know, but neither are LA people, in my opinion. And I am on the shy/reserved side myself, so maybe Boston people are my kind of folks? So sick of being teased about how much of an introvert I am out here, like it's some kind of social disease! Must we all be bubbly and perky all the time? Gimme a break.
The Chicago move (and move back) was very hard on my bank account. As was the joblessness. So I don't want to go through that again. This time I have to get a full time job lined up before I go. Seems impossible being the out of state candidate, wish there was some trick to applying long distance. I'm also considering doing the roommate thing, even though I'd rather live in a closet than share. I hear it's a good way to make connections, at least for a little while. Feels awkward to do that being almost 40 though, even though I look younger even by LA standards, or so they tell me.
Any advice on any of this is appreciated. I'm just researching now. I plan on taking a short trip out there in the fall, really looking forward to it!
I don't think it makes sense to generalize about Boston residents being hard to get to know. Your mileage really will vary depending on the people you meet. The most important thing is to put yourself out there and find a group you click with. That can make all the difference between having a great experience in Boston or a lousy one.
I live in LA (born and raised) and have always HATED it, for many reasons. Including the "perfect" weather A few years ago I up and moved to Chicago, without much of a plan, without knowing anyone or even having a job lined up. It was fine for about 6 mI onths, I had a steady stream of contract work. (I'm a graphic designer, late 30's, female). Then of course the economy tanked, and I couldn't find any work at all. The thing about LA that always draws me back is there is so much work to be had in my field. So I made the painful decision to give up on Chicago and move back. I got a great job offer here. I still make decent money here (70K), and have a cheap but great apartment (only $900!). So life is good...except I hate it here! I learned in Chicago that I'm the type who really needs 4 seasons. It really improves my mood! And yes, Chicago winter was no biggie for me. I am weird like that. I loved it. I also love old architecture, places with history. LA is so ugly it's horrible.
I was born in LA and raised in Santa Monica. I've lived on both coasts numerous times and in between, occupational hazard of academia. Every city in the country has changed over the decades and you'll hear remarks in both LA and Boston from old timers about the good ole days. This is what makes Boston so attractive to me. It embraces liberal thought but cherishes its past at the same time - historic, but living in the present. LA has relatively little sense of its past. Its relative youth, a culture that embraces the latest and greatest, and a huge influx of newcomers all conspire against any sense of history. CA really was a magical place between WWII and Rodney King, not just for the beautiful people but everyone else. You could go through LAUSD, followed by an excellent state college and professional school - all for a bargain price if not free. My extended family from my generation all went through LAUSD then a UC school followed by med or law school (I was the anomaly that went to Stanford then grad school out East). This just does not happen often these days. A while back, I gave LA another chance in case my perspective was too skewed as a youth looking for greener pastures. No, I was even more sure it wasn't where I belonged long term.
One thing I would caution against is the inability to sustain your career as a graphic designer. I'm not an expert in your field, but I know LA and NY is pretty much where it's at. Unless you're willing to be a bit creative and are lucky enough to stumble upon a niche in Boston, you might have a tough road. It's similar, if less extreme, to if you chose a career as an automotive engineer. It's not something I would recommend if you dislike the Midwest and Detroit.
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Originally Posted by uncalifornian girl
Another factor in this decision is how horrendous the dating scene is here for a woman over 35. Hoping that would be better in Boston. Looking for real people who want something that might last more than a week. Not looking for family and kids, just a meaningful relationship. A circle of friends would be great too. I've heard Bostonians are not easy to get to know, but neither are LA people, in my opinion. And I am on the shy/reserved side myself, so maybe Boston people are my kind of folks? So sick of being teased about how much of an introvert I am out here, like it's some kind of social disease! Must we all be bubbly and perky all the time? Gimme a break.
If you're active, I think you can make out fine as a professional, older adult. Many people on here complain about the dating scene but I think their more fundamental problem is that they're not plugged into the fabric of the metro. They're either ill-equipped to do so or do not fit in naturally enough to encourage trying. If you value a sense of community, volunteerism, historicity, and social conscientiousness, there are plenty of outlets for it. If you're just looking for romance, it can be tough since many people are busy with these things, making it less likely those who are mainly looking for romance will find a like minded person. I would hang out in areas with a higher percentage of older adults who are single - Cambridge, Somerville, Waltham, etc. Despite its high price tag and premium for good schools, even Concord has a decent number of single thirty somethings active in the community. I see them in community events all the time and my neighbors are 40 year olds who met in this manner.
Thanks. Those are some good points. I do think I need to be more plugged in to activities and community. I have very little desire to do so here in LA, but I think I would feel differently in Boston. I would actually be interested and excited about it!
I figured as much with the design career thing. It is a worry. However, the current company I work for has many competitors and buyers/retailers in Boston, which gives me some hope. It's an athletic apparel company. So maybe I could work for Puma, New Balance, Reebok...also our main buyer is TJ Maxx. I'm more "consumer packaged goods" than apparel, actually.
Ah, if you're involved with athletics, you definitely have a chance. As I'm sure you know, metro Boston is a sports-crazed place. It doesn't just permeate one segment of society, but it reaches into every corner. Half the faculty in my department have season tickets to the Red Sox. Good luck with your search!
If you're looking to date, Boston in general is probably not the best place - especially over 35. It is such a college town that people move out feeling too old before they are 30. People are very hare to meet. It's a beautiful city with a great history, but perhaps the worst dating hell I have ever been. What's weird is it really shouldn't be. There's 10000 beautiful people in front of your face everywhere you go. You'd think people who choose to live in such a place would behave like they enjoy each others company, but instead they act like robots.
I lived in BOS for 15 years. Also two years in PVD, 4 in WMASS, 15 in NY, 3 in MIA, 4 in DFW, a few in AR, CO others. I've travelled and spent time in 100 other cities. I chose to live in BOS for 15 years because it is an awesome city. Just don't expect dating nirvana.
A friend of mine from SF got on the T with me and started chit chatting with everyone like he was at a family reunion. The T driver wasted little time saying "So honey, where're you from?" Almost everyone on the whole train laughed when she said that. In Bostonese, that means "You're obviously not from around here cuz you don't know your supposed to sit on this train rubbing elbows with 500 other people with your lip zipped, your eyes at the floor, and not burden us with a whole lot of useless idle banter."
You'd be much better off in NYC. People talk to each other there a whole lot more than in BOS.
Hmmm...really? I've also heard very negative things about dating in New York, especially for women looking for something long-term. Also, I don't think I could afford to be right in the middle of Manhattan, so probably wouldn't get the true NY experience if I could only afford Queens or something, right? And then there is my paranoia about rats, roaches, and bedbugs...eek.
I know it won't be easy...but if I were to join some professional associations, or sports clubs or something....wouldn't I find others my age? Or are most singles early 30s and below? To be honest I'll probably be 40 by the time I get there, which will make it even harder. But an "LA 40" can still pass for 30 something, lol.
A friend of mine from SF got on the T with me and started chit chatting with everyone like he was at a family reunion. The T driver wasted little time saying "So honey, where're you from?" Almost everyone on the whole train laughed when she said that. In Bostonese, that means "You're obviously not from around here cuz you don't know your supposed to sit on this train rubbing elbows with 500 other people with your lip zipped, your eyes at the floor, and not burden us with a whole lot of useless idle banter."
You'd be much better off in NYC. People talk to each other there a whole lot more than in BOS.
You know why that story couldn't have happened in New York? Because even though nobody talks to strangers on the New York subway, either, in New York the driver never would have said anything -- and if she had, nobody would have laughed, they would have just kept looking down and hoping that this whole uncomfortable incident would be over soon.
Hmmm...really? I've also heard very negative things about dating in New York, especially for women looking for something long-term. Also, I don't think I could afford to be right in the middle of Manhattan, so probably wouldn't get the true NY experience if I could only afford Queens or something, right? And then there is my paranoia about rats, roaches, and bedbugs...eek.
I know it won't be easy...but if I were to join some professional associations, or sports clubs or something....wouldn't I find others my age? Or are most singles early 30s and below? To be honest I'll probably be 40 by the time I get there, which will make it even harder. But an "LA 40" can still pass for 30 something, lol.
I have to agree with xsobe on this one. Dating in that age group is hard in Boston and when u get here you will see what I mean. The college students are everywhere in this city and that age group is usually the single ones here. I like Boston though, I moved here last year and with the dating scene you may have to work harder at it here when you're in your 30s. I turned 31 this year, when I moved here I happened to meet a guy at a meetup group who later became my boyfriend. But thats not common, we still hang out with that group and no one else has dated anyone in that group, and they have tried. I am not trying to bring you down, Im just saying Ive lived in different states and countries and most people in their 30's here are already married. Heck I'm meeting 25 year olds here who are married. Another thing, we have bedbugs and rats here too. Thats not just an NYC thing, thats every big city on the east coast. Philly, Baltimore, NYC, we all have them. Joining organizations is a good idea though! You have the right mindset, cause this is not an easy place to make friends.
Thanks. Those are some good points. I do think I need to be more plugged in to activities and community. I have very little desire to do so here in LA, but I think I would feel differently in Boston. I would actually be interested and excited about it!
I figured as much with the design career thing. It is a worry. However, the current company I work for has many competitors and buyers/retailers in Boston, which gives me some hope. It's an athletic apparel company. So maybe I could work for Puma, New Balance, Reebok...also our main buyer is TJ Maxx. I'm more "consumer packaged goods" than apparel, actually.
This might be a good place if you want to make a career switch like that. Rockport is another company in the area. And oh gosh, if you enjoy crappy weather, all the better! (I can't wait to move to a more temperate climate, myself!)
But in terms of making new friends and dating, it's a lonely place to be single. I relocated here after college and only had one friend in the area for a long time. I eventually met my boyfriend (by chance one day, on the street, and we started talking) and have since made other friends (all from the South or the West Coast) and they all said the same thing. I don't know what it is! People tend not to be aggressively rude (except while driving) but not overtly friendly either. My boyfriend and I plan on moving as soon as he's done with his degree.
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A few years ago I up and moved to Chicago, without much of a plan, without knowing anyone or even having a job lined up. It was fine for about 6 months, I had a steady stream of contract work. (I'm a graphic designer, late 30's, female). Then of course the economy tanked, and I couldn't find any work at all. The thing about LA that always draws me back is there is so much work to be had in my field. So I made the painful decision to give up on Chicago and move back. I got a great job offer here. I still make decent money here (70K), and have a cheap but great apartment (only $900!). So life is good...except I hate it here! I learned in Chicago that I'm the type who really needs 4 seasons. It really improves my mood! And yes, Chicago winter was no biggie for me. I am weird like that. I loved it. I also love old architecture, places with history. LA is so ugly it's horrible. 
