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Yes....most Americans have a sense of entitlement. But on the other-hand, all employers have a deep affection for those who are easy to exploit. It says more about the employer than any group of employees.
I had my roof redone a few years ago during the month of March. Here around Boston, it's very cold during that time of year, with howling winds to boot. The company I hired was owned and operated by a white American family, but all of their employees were from Brazil. I have never ever seen a harder working group than these guys....they worked from 7:30am until dark, then they bring out the big lights and keep working. They were on the roof all day, in the blowing wind and freezing rain. They never seem to take any break, and they took rotation turn eating for 15 minutes at lunch...that's it. Nobody smoked, and nobody goof off. They cleaned up the place completely each night. I was just in awe of them. Then, the fat white owner came around each night and joke with me like we are buddies. He didnt do an ounce of work on my roof, yet most of my money went to his pocket.
Cross-country moves are difficult. Regardless of whether you are excited about the change or not, it involves a loss--loss of your home, familiar surroundings, neighbors, friends and family, jobs, routines, etc. And a move from Los Angeles to Boston involves even more changes--big city to small city, warm climate to cold climate, west-coast vibe to east-coast vibe. That's a lot to deal with. Especially if you don't particularly want to move, if you are happy in a place and are forced by financial considerations to make a move, it can be a very difficult transition to make. Regardless of the relative merits of LA vs. Boston, it's no surprise that under all these circumstances, you wouldn't be happy in Boston.
My husband and I made the same move last year, also for him to take a new job. We are still adjusting to our new life, and I think that people who haven't had the experience of leaving everything that is familiar and starting a new life in an unfamiliar (and often seemingly unfriendly) place might not realize what it's like to make that kind of change. That's probably why so many of the responses here have been lacking in sympathy. I moved around quite a bit in my 20's and 30's--for college and grad school and work. For some reason, those changes came fairly easily. But for this last move, we were older and more settled, and the transition to something new has been more difficult.
Different people enjoy different things. For our part, we would move back to our old neighborhood in Los Angeles in a heartbeat if the chance presented itself. Other people wouldn't leave Boston for the world. These things come down to personal preferences, and there's really no use arguing about what's better or worse. But we have found that finding happiness in our new city has meant that we just have to accept some things.
Boston is small, both in terms of it's geographical size and in terms of its population. There are around 500,000 people here, compared to 10 million in Los Angeles. People who live here think of it as a city, but moving here from Los Angeles can feel like moving to a small town. That's a change that you'll have to get used to. Because we realized that the city would seem small to us, we chose to live as close to the action as possible in a central Boston neighborhood. It's expensive (more expensive than our former neighborhood in LA), and we gave up almost half of the square footage we had before, but it was worth it. If you can move out of Newton and into the city, you may like things a little more.
We didn't have a car in LA, and we certainly don't have one here. (Contrary to popular opinion, not everyone in LA drives, and public transportation there is quite good. In some cases, it's better than in Boston. For example, my husband used to commute 12 miles by train each day, and the trip took 50min door-to-door. In Boston, he commutes about 6 miles on the Green Line, and that trip takes at least a hour.) Nevertheless, if you consider moving into the city, your car will be less necessary, and you can put the savings towards higher rent/mortgage. I would imagine that your quality of life would improve quite a bit if you stop driving.
Boston, as a city, just has a different personality than Los Angeles. People on this thread seem to think that people in Los Angeles are all air-headed bimbos. I suppose that's the image one gets from television and the media. But it shouldn't be hard to realize that, in a city of 10 million people, there are lots of different sorts. Nevertheless, New England and Southern California just have different general 'vibes', and anyone who has spent any length of time in either place will understand that. I feel more at home and in my element in downtown LA, and in my ideal world, I'd still live there. But, since I'm here in Boston, I have to try and like what it has to offer.
I think you have to accept that it's different from what you're used to, and try to enjoy it for what it is. And, unlike most of the other people who have posted, I think it's okay not to like it here, and it's understandable that you feel frustrated and out-of-sorts. (I'm pretty sure that if I dropped one of my old-school Beacon Hill neighbors into my old loft in DTLA, they'd feel pretty out of sorts too!)
Serious question - what is all this talk of racism I hear people talking about? I have lived here almost 7 years and I don't see it. Things I couldn't do growing up in the Atlanta suburbs that I can do here: wear a Star of David, have a menorah in our window (which resulted in a cross being burned on my lawn and a rock being thrown through my window when I was a kid in the 90s), openly date people who are minorities (I've not once felt weird walking around town holding my Latino or black ex boyfriends' hands but I would not have felt safe doing so in my hometown), and, while not racist, I could marry a girl here if I wanted to and feel like I have more upward mobility (and respect in focusing on my career) here than I do in many other places.
Every town has it's own personality. I find it easy to make friends in Boston - but I'm a geeky girl with social skills so I fit into a big subculture here (especially in Cambridge and Somerville). I also put myself out there a LOT - trying out new activities (joining a yogurt making coop in a few months when it opens up to new people!), doing Meetup.com events, volunteering, engaging in faith-based activities, and using OKCupid. I'm also active in my college's alumni association. See if there is a club near you. If not, call up your alumni office and ask about having a happy hour or some other event. You often can take charge in planning it (ie calling up a bar and reserving space) and the alumni office will reach out to all of the alumni in your area. It's great publicity for them and a great way for you to meet people who have at least some common thread with you - also great for networking!
To say there's nothing to do here is, frankly, ridiculous. We have more than 20 colleges and universities here, each with their own unique programs, festivals, plays, concerts, and other activities. Many of them are free and open to the public, like MIT's Comparative Media Studies' independent activities period this month: MIT Comparative Media Studies: Independent Activities Period or Brandeis' 'Deis Impact! 2013 Festival of Social Justice from Feb 1 - 11: 'Deis Impact! 2013: Exploring social justice on campus, in Waltham & around the world | Brandeis University. Still bored? Both Cambridge and Newton both have great community education classes where you can learn a new language, instrument, or skill and meet locals with shared interests for very cheap.
^^ Hmm maybe people here are truly more standoffish than other places'.
When I started working here, no one in the company approached me to talk. When I saw someone in the locker room, for example, I usually forced a smile and a "hi" to avoid embarrassment, but often times got nothing back.
I did not have the same experience in other places I lived in.
That has never been the experience that I have had in any of the places I worked or volunteered (Waltham, Somerville, Cambridge, Brookline). One of my roommates is from Vermont via Amherst and another is from Newcastle, England via NYC and Cleveland, and both also have their coworkers at their core of their circle of friends. We work in higher ed, a high tech company, and a film production company.. so that covers a range.
Maybe it's just your company culture more than it's a Boston thing.
It is not unusual for newcomers to feel like they don't fit into Boston although the city can fit like a glove for some people, depending on where they are from. But for someone moving here on their own, I agree that it takes a lot of time to adjust. I've been here a couple of years now and have made most my friends through work and a couple outside of work as well. I still feel like I'm finding my way but I strongly agree with some of the suggestions made here. To build a life in Boston, you have to be very proactive about it. You have to go out and do things to meet people here, they will not fall on your lap. I remember my first week in NYC, I already had people in the office inviting me out to do things after work. It was a much easier integration overall because everyone is from somewhere else and wants to socialize and bulid a network. In my personal experience, people seem to have their own networks in Boston. And unfortunately, a lot of these clubs don't necessarily need more members. But I've also observed that once people who had a rough time settling in and finally do build a network of friends, their outlook becomes more positive and they enjoy the city's offerings more. I've seen some haters pull a 180 and end up never wanting to leave. I think some people just have to accept that the onus is on them to build a life in Boston, and you have to put the effort in if you want to give it a fair shot.
Last edited by johnathanc; 01-25-2013 at 03:00 PM..
To the issue of racism--it may be the case that for a person of color who is used to being in a more racially and ethinicaly diverse community, it feels strange to be in a place that is predominantly white. My husband and I are Caucasian, but we are used to living in areas that have large African-American, Latino and Asian populations. When we moved here, the predominance of white people was strange to us, and I would imagine that it's even more strange, and could potentially feel threatening, to a person of color.
Serious question - what is all this talk of racism I hear people talking about? I have lived here almost 7 years and I don't see it. Things I couldn't do growing up in the Atlanta suburbs that I can do here: wear a Star of David, have a menorah in our window (which resulted in a cross being burned on my lawn and a rock being thrown through my window when I was a kid in the 90s), openly date people who are minorities (I've not once felt weird walking around town holding my Latino or black ex boyfriends' hands but I would not have felt safe doing so in my hometown), and, while not racist, I could marry a girl here if I wanted to and feel like I have more upward mobility (and respect in focusing on my career) here than I do in many other places.
So you're a White woman, and you're wondering why you don't experience racism? Huh?
You're Jewish, but what does that have to do with your race? You think somehow you're not White?
So you're a White woman, and you're wondering why you don't experience racism? Huh?
You're Jewish, but what does that have to do with your race? You think somehow you're not White?
Yes, I'm white, but experienced racism where I grew up because people perceived me as Latina or Middle Eastern. Quite a lot of fun around 9/11, let me tell you. Many of my friends and the men I have dated in Boston are not white and given my discussions with them, it doesn't seem like they're experiencing racism either... but most of them grew up here so perhaps the perception of racism partially comes from how white the general population is. Additionally, anti-semitism is often grouped under racism - there's not a good catch-all term for all the "othering" that happens with minorities. In general, Massachusetts is one of the most accepting places I have ever been.
That's not to say that there is absolutely no racism in Massachusetts. I'm sure there is, there are ignorant people everywhere. I think in Boston TODAY, right now, there is less racial tension than in a lot of places in this country. And that goes the other way too - I feel much safer in East Boston, Mattapan, Hyde Park, and Dorchester than I do in Cascade in Atlanta (a very wealthy black neighborhood) because the racial tension is so high. It didn't help when my black friends in Atlanta told me to park elsewhere and they would pick me up because my county name on my car plates would put me at risk.
I grew up in a town that even in the early 90s had signs that said "N*****s, don't let the sun set on your back in Forsyth County" on some of the more rural roads leading into the county. The realtor didn't show my parents that part of town.
So yes, I'm white, but I'm not oblivious to racism around me or that experienced by my friends. And the OP and the subsequent poster gave no indication of what their race was when commenting on racism.
Well, I think we've proven our point. The OP hasn't had the guts to come back here to defend her position.
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