Should I follow my SO from DC to Boston? (Worcester: how much, home)

[alchemist_x]

Hi, all. Lots rolling around in my head, so if this is poorly worded, feel free to ask for clarification and please be gentle

My girlfriend and I are both 35 and live in the Washington DC metro (Rockville and Alexandria, respectively.) I've been here for two years (I'm originally a hillbilly who lived the first 33 years of my life in the Pittsburgh area) and she's been here about seven (transplant from upstate New York, went to Cornell for undergrad and San Francisco for grad school.) Recently she's been looking to put her PhD to better use and is considering some options in Boston. She's got a good path and a clear idea of where she's going. My question is should I follow her?

I used to LOVE living in DC. The history, the museums and the monuments, the neighborhoods. It was the first and only "big" city I've ever lived in. Now I'm more like... meh. This town is too Political (big surprise) and too politically divided for my taste. I'm pretty apolitical... conservative on some things, liberal on others. I just don't have the passion that the people in this town have for hating each other. That sort of thing.

I don't have the advanced education that my GF does so I feel a little out of place in this town and I feel that it has limited me a bit. I have an Associate in graphic design that got my foot in the door and I've worked in design and eLearning for eight years. I've been able to eek out a decent living here making in the 50-65k range. I'd like to go back to school at some point, but for what I need to accomplish I can go to any college. I wouldn't be moving there for the ivy leagues.

My little boy lives in Pittsburgh with his mom, and it's relatively easy to see him regularly since it's only a 5 hour drive. I'm worried that Boston will make that much more difficult. As his mom says, though, "If you're not happy in DC, he'll pick up on it and won't be happy either." It is my main concern, though.

I'm not a bar fly or night owl so I'm not concerned so much about where the best party spots and bars are at. I am a history buff, though, and Boston's colonial history really appeals to me. I'm most comfortable outdoors. Hiking, camping, fishing, being in the mountains etc, so I'd need to know there's plenty of opportunities for that. However it all comes down to the almighty dollar and can a mid-level guy like me without a ton of education, but with plenty of experience be able to make a decent living in Boston? I'm not looking for six figure jobs, but I also don't want to end up waiting tables because I made the wrong move.

So after reading all that spiel what do you, kind reader, think? Stay in DC? Follow her to Boston? Are the opportunities worth the risk?

Any advice will be appreciated.

Thanks!

[yaeger07]

I say follow her if and only if you get a job here...Don't move without one.

If you'll have a car, there are lots of nearby opportunities for outdoors activities. Massachusetts, VT, and NH have nice state park systems with hiking and camping.

[FLgirl727]

I do believe there is a song about this subject

It will boil down to how much you have invested in the relationship. Make sure it's all your choice, and you won't feel like an idiot if you two break up within a week of moving up there. Make sure the overall move is right for you before you do anything.

Boston is gorgeous, btw. Good luck with it.

[alchemist_x]

Originally Posted by FLgirl727

I do believe there is a song about this subject

It will boil down to how much you have invested in the relationship. Make sure it's all your choice, and you won't feel like an idiot if you two break up within a week of moving up there. Make sure the overall move is right for you before you do anything.

Boston is gorgeous, btw. Good luck with it.

Definitely. As much as I care for her and vice versa, We've already both been through divorces so we're approaching things very cautiously. As horrible as this will sound, I feel following her is not so much because I want to be with her (I do!) as I feel like I'm stagnating in DC and moving back to Pittsburgh (though I love it dearly) feels like taking a step backwards. Following her would be an opportunity for a change of scenery without going it completely alone.

I think what's weighing most heavily on me is being able to still be a part of my son's life and also if there will be any opportunities for someone like me who doesn't have an advanced degree. I did some job searches with mixed results, but it's been like that my entire career.

[FLgirl727]

If it's the change you need, then re-think how you can make the distance work.

Technology today is amazing, Skype would virtually put you in the room with him for conversations. And for in person visits, plan to travel and stay close to where he lives for the weekend. Plan to be there for him on important events, sports, school, whatever he's involved in. It's important that he knows he's a priority, think you should be able to accomplish that and still live a happy life yourself.

[G-fused]

I vote to go with her.

Very best of luck with whatever you decide.

[atgss]

In DC you say that you feel stagnant and by going back to Pittsburgh you'll feel that you'd be taking a step back = Go to Boston, NEW ENGLAND home of the real people verses the political "phoney" ones in DC!

[snatale1]

I live in Richmond, but I'm from Boston. Me as well as most leave due to it being overpriced and keeping "normal" people living paycheck to paycheck. The DC Metro is more expensive so you'd do ok that way but it also depends on where you live. Boston isn't like the DC Metro where people live in VA and MD yet claim they live "In DC". You either live in Boston or you don't and whether you do or not can DRASTICALLY change your costs of living. I'd look into that and factor in whether you want to deal with the winters or not. They don't throw politics in your face their like in the DC Metro BUT theres only one side up there, Liberal. Sure theirs people on the right and Tea Party'ers you'd never know it. Personally I'd say move a little more south in VA but close enough to commute / be near DC for the higher paycheck. This is what most people do in Eastern MA. Living in the city itself can get very expensive very quickly. If you want to live near Boston but near nature as well I'd say look into the Metro West / Central MA. Maybe around the outskirts of Worcester.

[goyguy]

My sister also followed her #1 away from DC, to Chicago in her case. She stayed there but the relationship went south. A good friend pulled up stakes and relocated from Boston to LA for love - he was on the dating circuit again barely a month later. On the flip side, a newly minted college graduate from South Carolina had to move to Ohio to join the company which had hired him. His fiancee stayed in SC and worked for a year, then after they got hitched she also made the geographic transition. That couple is my parents. In October they'll celebrate their 59th wedding anniversary. (They haven't left Cincinnati, either, and have no intentions to.) You'll hear varying advice about how wise it is to settle in a new place for the sake of keeping someone in your life. My answer can be gleaned from the preceding sentences: Nobody can tell you one way or another. Every situation is different, so the best I can impart is, "Always have a Plan B." Maintain a rainy-day fund just in case, and don't burn any bridges in DC if you end up needing to go back.

I don't know where that statement about being "from Boston" came from. Like people everywhere, folks from Greater Boston identify their hometown as the major city in their area whether or not they dwell within the city limits. It's a way of simplifying conversations with new acquaintances when in a different part of the region or country. When upstairs neighbors moved in they identified their place of origin as "Maryland, outside DC" as a way of pinpointing where in MD their town is. There's no right or wrong way to go about divulging that sort of info, in fact the subject is so trivial it doesn't bear any more addressing.

You hit a nerve, in a good way, with the job question. I've not completed a Bachelors degree (something which can only be whispered to trusted friends in this over-educated metropolis.) Yet I've done all right for myself. It's all about selling your strong points. Want ads which don't include "or equivalent experience" after listing what degree is required shouldn't be a deterrent. Nine times out of ten, demonstrating that you have a strong track record and know what you're doing will equal or trump an academic paper trail with little or no real-world background to go with it. Employers would rather hire someone who can be ushered to their cubicle and put right to work, than to have to invest the time and money in training a neophyte. Age discrimination doesn't enter the picture until you hit 40 or 50. But this region has been hit pretty hard by the glut of H1B visa holders from Asian countries who low-ball salary requirements. If you're not looking to be in the engineering/IT realm it's not as much of an issue, though.

Boston is blessed by not only being on a coast, but also being situated within easy distance from higher elevations. Within the city you have the famous "Emerald Necklace" of parks which envelops the scenic Jamaica Pond, plus a 68-acre arboretum, and is anchored by the sprawling Franklin Park. The vast green spaces of the Middlesex Fells, the Blue Hills, the Lynn Woods, and more are within our counterpart to the Beltway. With bicycle-friendly commuter rail you can take your two-wheeler along to popular destinations like Concord, Hyannis, and Rockport, and many people do. (Some trains even have cars retrofitted for bike racks.) Keeping in touch with "our mother" is easier here than in the DC area, I think.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=meaVNHch96o

[G-fused]

OP, if you decide not to go, can I have your girl's number?