single woman 40s (Italian born and raised) moving to Boston: what to expect? (Brookline: fit in)

[eli20]

Hi all!

So, my 12 years of U.S.A. have all been West Coast (SFrancisco/Seattle) and am exploring moving East. I was born and raised in Rome. I still have a lot of ties in Europe, save lots of European attitudes/character is a part of me (probably 50% now :-), however, cherished and incorporated lots of good U.S. traits [i wouldn't still be here].

Assumptions/heard of- re: Boston:

a)uptight, snooty, aloof, authentic and warm and welcoming and reciprocating and collectiveness oriented *once you know them*.

b) great intellectual ferment [but i wonder if that's mostly due to the student population% more than residing Faculty% and more auspicably a general population attitude :-)]

c) big Irish and Italian community transplanted [however i know that 2nd or 3d generations are not the same as 1st]

d) straight-forward [great!]

Based on that my questions, as a single 40 yrs old professional, highly educated woman [in the private sector] w/ a girl kitty :-) is:

Is it easy to make friends? How hard it is to make friends in-deed (earlier than 20 yrs :-)

Are people ironic, do they mind good faith sarcasm/irony - any insecurity concern related to humor, self-denigration &c.?

Do people support each other? Do "transplants" melt in? [e.g. not only locals support locals]

I assume the intellectual vibe is there, BUT i hope that doesn't ONLY mean engaging in conversation with students :-)!

Last, a ice on the cake: are men manly [aka: do they step up/are chivalrous/take initiative?]

looking forward to straight-forward/authentic input!

eliana

[clevedark]

I'm a transplant around your age, from NJ, but I'm different in that I have kids and husband and am currently a stay at home mom.

I live in Brookline, not Boston proper. I did live in suburbs further out for a few years.

Here is what I have learned:

There are massive amounts of transplants here from all over the world. You will have a much easier time making friend with them than with local people who have been here all their lives and have their social circles settled, many of them with friends reaching back to childhood.

I find that some local people tend to look down, and "disappear" new people. A very different attitude from NYC and NJ, where many people tend to be like, "show me what you've got that makes you special." (and how can I get a piece of it--what's in it for me??)

But that's just my own (and some of my friends') experiences. I'm sure somebody else will tell you differently.

I had an Italian friend who lived here for a few years with her family and she really enjoyed it and was a little reluctant to go back to Italy.

Good luck with your move.

[ogre]

The answers to a lot of your questions have to do with the fact that you'll be moving to a large metro area. Since you've lived in other large metros, I'm sure you've found that you have encountered all kinds of people there. Some general tendencies about the usual experience dealing with people will hold true, but you'll still find plenty of individuals who will mesh well with you.

As far as what is generally true in Boston, since you raised the subject of an intellectual atmosphere a couple of times, I'm guessing that this is especially important to you. There are various segments of society here, including a substantial blue-collar element in some areas. Among the intellectual crowd, you don't have to be concerned that the only erudite sorts around here are students. There is a large professional segment, including former students who stayed here after graduating, which should satisfy your need for stimulating conversation.

Manly men? I'm assuming from your description that you mean as in the classic image of manliness. Back to that thing again about the variety of people you'll find in a metro area of several million. Some men here fit that image closely and others don't. Again, given the variety of personalities among the local populace, you should find people you can mesh with well.

[eli20]

Thank you for sharing your inputs so far, i'm grateful.

And sorry Ogre for my "hermetic" use of "manly". I didn't mean "macho" in the obnoxious sense of the term!

Many women in Seattle experience that generally speaking (exceptions are there, of course) men don't take initiative (expressing interest although in chivalrous and appropriate ways, etc.) and somehow don't "step up", so to say. Europe in general (so beyond Italy) is way more straightforward overall. I think I would enjoy a more straightforward communication style both in work and no work settings

[holden125]

Originally Posted by eli20

And sorry Ogre for my "hermetic" use of "manly". I didn't mean "macho" in the obnoxious sense of the term!

Many women in Seattle experience that generally speaking (exceptions are there, of course) men don't take initiative (expressing interest although in chivalrous and appropriate ways, etc.) and somehow don't "step up", so to say. Europe in general (so beyond Italy) is way more straightforward overall. I think I would enjoy a more straightforward communication style both in work and no work settings

My guess is that this will be as much an issue in Boston than in Seattle, if not more so. Especially in a highly professional setting, the odds are that anyone "expressing interest" will be on the obnoxious side, as everyone else will be afraid being sued, fired, or thought inappropriate.

A lot of men in Boston, and across the U.S., don't feel particularly free to act the way men act in Italy. Many men I know here perceive the women in Boston as thinking they've done something disrespectful and bordering on evil if they so much as smile at them. This is the case even in public, but certainly in a white collar workplace. Compared to Europe, there is a high degree or repression and a lot less flirtation, but also less patronization and actual harassment.

[1979]

Originally Posted by eli20

Hi all!

So, my 12 years of U.S.A. have all been West Coast (SFrancisco/Seattle) and am exploring moving East. I was born and raised in Rome. I still have a lot of ties in Europe, save lots of European attitudes/character is a part of me (probably 50% now :-), however, cherished and incorporated lots of good U.S. traits [i wouldn't still be here].

Assumptions/heard of- re: Boston:

a)uptight, snooty, aloof, authentic and warm and welcoming and reciprocating and collectiveness oriented *once you know them*.

b) great intellectual ferment [but i wonder if that's mostly due to the student population% more than residing Faculty% and more auspicably a general population attitude :-)]

Actually, the intellectual ferment is from the natives. I think you'll find Boston to be very sophisticated. Boston definetly has a cache about it.

c) big Irish and Italian community transplanted [however i know that 2nd or 3d generations are not the same as 1st]

Not sure what this means? If you got a sexy Italian accent, people will gravitate toward you.

d) straight-forward [great!]

Extremely.

Based on that my questions, as a single 40 yrs old professional, highly educated woman [in the private sector] w/ a girl kitty :-) is:

Is it easy to make friends? How hard it is to make friends in-deed (earlier than 20 yrs :-)

Are people ironic, do they mind good faith sarcasm/irony - any insecurity concern related to humor, self-denigration &c.?

I think so. Sarcasm, a bit of faciousness...you'll here it on the radio stations. I don't think of Bostonians as thin skinned.

Do people support each other? Do "transplants" melt in? [e.g. not only locals support locals]

I assume the intellectual vibe is there, BUT i hope that doesn't ONLY mean engaging in conversation with students :-)!

Honestly, students are here, but don't have much to do with the Boston vibe per se, because many of them come from other parts of the country. So far, by what you've written, it sounds like you'll fit in.

Last, a ice on the cake: are men manly [aka: do they step up/are chivalrous/take initiative?]

All kinds of men here, and if you want an Italian one, then there's plenty of them too.

looking forward to straight-forward/authentic input!

eliana

You can always visit, nothing forces you to stay if you decide Boston is not for you.

[Vermolas]

Boston eh Perfetto.

[eli20]

Thank you for your views - Well ... I'm glad you all think Boston would suit me, and i'd fit "it". Reassuring. Now i need to find a job so that i can move there...- in progress, let's hope - ha!

Oh, and i did* visit briefly for a few days a few years ago, but it's really too short to really "get" a place and its people . One only gets the superficial vibes, ...and that* was quite strange: everybody looked grumpy* while they were walking. Not that i walk with a printed smile on my face, but really...people's facial expressions had intense "expressive wrinkles" like they were deeply immersed in their thoughts. Funnily enough, i never got that sense in NYC. Boh?

[Kimmy61]

I am blue collar from the neighborhood and still have the same friends that I had when I was in kindergarten. I am in my fifties now�� I will admit, it is hard fitting in with those of us who have been here forever, but there are also plenty of transplants. You would probably love the North End. It used to be all Italians, but now it is mostly professionals, but all the charm and personality of Italy is still there. As far as sarcasm goes, Boston is the place to be! We are predominantly Of Irish decent in Boston, so you can imagine the sarcasm! My poor Italian husband does not know how to take me sometimes....lol.".best of luck...you will love Boston. It is the most beautiful city in the world!
And I think as far as men go, you will find lots of manly men here.

[495neighbor]

Originally Posted by Kimmy61

I am blue collar from the neighborhood and still have the same friends that I had when I was in kindergarten. I am in my fifties now�� I will admit, it is hard fitting in with those of us who have been here forever, but there are also plenty of transplants. You would probably love the North End. It used to be all Italians, but now it is mostly professionals, but all the charm and personality of Italy is still there. As far as sarcasm goes, Boston is the place to be! We are predominantly Of Irish decent in Boston, so you can imagine the sarcasm! My poor Italian husband does not know how to take me sometimes....lol.".best of luck...you will love Boston. It is the most beautiful city in the world!
And I think as far as men go, you will find lots of manly men here.

Nice post, old thread.