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Brevard County Space Coast: Palm Bay, Melbourne, Titusville area
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Old 07-07-2013, 12:23 PM
 
Location: palm bay florida
26 posts, read 79,947 times
Reputation: 22

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Go ahead and call me stupid. I know. Will try to keep this drama short. My then hubs and i bought a house in 03. He lost his job in 08 and hasnt worked since. He was home alone all the time so when I went to work he started an affair with a neighbor. I filed for bankruptcy and divorce and rented a home in '11. He and girlfriend moved to NY but after 3 months he wanted to come "home". I did miss him and fell for his lies and he moved in with me in July '12. Bad idea. Still not working, probably not even looking for a job. Why should he? Im paying all bills, food, cigarettes, alcohol and phone! Im sick and tired of him and want him gone. He has no money, car, job, friends, family. Nothing. Just me. He is not on my lease. He has not contributed a dime. I want him out! But if i kick him out, where will he live, what will he do for money? He is seriously in a bind but so am I! How can i get him out of my home? When he was having his.affair i begged him then to leave and he wouldnt. So I saved enough money, it took me a year, so i could move out. Not only do I not have the money to move again, but I dont want to! Plus i do have a lease, so i cant move anyway. HELP!
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Old 07-07-2013, 01:02 PM
 
Location: Florida -
9,858 posts, read 12,388,160 times
Reputation: 20477
Does 'co-dependency' or 'enabling' ring any bells with you? -- Schedule some sessions with a counselor and deal with your own need to 'enable' his behavior. Then, the solution to your living arrangement dilemma will seem much less complicated.
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Old 07-07-2013, 01:22 PM
 
17,802 posts, read 22,519,630 times
Reputation: 36147
Quote:
Originally Posted by beavismom62 View Post
Go ahead and call me stupid. I know. Will try to keep this drama short. My then hubs and i bought a house in 03. He lost his job in 08 and hasnt worked since. He was home alone all the time so when I went to work he started an affair with a neighbor. I filed for bankruptcy and divorce and rented a home in '11. He and girlfriend moved to NY but after 3 months he wanted to come "home". I did miss him and fell for his lies and he moved in with me in July '12. Bad idea. Still not working, probably not even looking for a job. Why should he? Im paying all bills, food, cigarettes, alcohol and phone! Im sick and tired of him and want him gone. He has no money, car, job, friends, family. Nothing. Just me. He is not on my lease. He has not contributed a dime. I want him out! But if i kick him out, where will he live, what will he do for money? He is seriously in a bind but so am I! How can i get him out of my home? When he was having his.affair i begged him then to leave and he wouldnt. So I saved enough money, it took me a year, so i could move out. Not only do I not have the money to move again, but I dont want to! Plus i do have a lease, so i cant move anyway. HELP!
You put yourself in a really bad position and especially in FL. The law in FL will side with him. It is whacky but true, that is why you have to be careful in FL of who you let move into your home. Within a matter of weeks they have rights, sounds crazy but it is true.
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Old 07-07-2013, 04:24 PM
 
Location: palm bay florida
26 posts, read 79,947 times
Reputation: 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by jghorton View Post
Does 'co-dependency' or 'enabling' ring any bells with you? -- Schedule some sessions with a counselor and deal with your own need to 'enable' his behavior. Then, the solution to your living arrangement dilemma will seem much less complicated.
Codependency? Have you ever looked it up?! It says "BeavisMom" and my picture! Yes, i know. Ive tried counseling. Well once. Mostly i truly cant afford it, even with insurance. But after telling the counselor everything (and there is a lot, too much to go into here) he pretty much laughed at me and made me feel like the fool i am. Maybe it was just his style, a way of opening my eyes, but i was too vulnerable at that point (i had just moved out) to handle it.
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Old 07-07-2013, 04:28 PM
 
Location: palm bay florida
26 posts, read 79,947 times
Reputation: 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
You put yourself in a really bad position and especially in FL. The law in FL will side with him. It is whacky but true, that is why you have to be careful in FL of who you let move into your home. Within a matter of weeks they have rights, sounds crazy but it is true.
Ive heard that before. Strangely from my ex who let people move in with him and his girlfriend (in what used to be my home) before he left FL. I think he may be counting on that. But the fact that he isnt on the lease, hasnt contributed a dime and my landlady would likely support me, work in my favor. I think. Now i just need to be able to make myself DO something about it.
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Old 07-07-2013, 07:59 PM
 
Location: Houston, TX
4,678 posts, read 8,958,217 times
Reputation: 1960
Quote:
Originally Posted by beavismom62 View Post
Go ahead and call me stupid. I know. Will try to keep this drama short. My then hubs and i bought a house in 03. He lost his job in 08 and hasnt worked since. He was home alone all the time so when I went to work he started an affair with a neighbor. I filed for bankruptcy and divorce and rented a home in '11. He and girlfriend moved to NY but after 3 months he wanted to come "home". I did miss him and fell for his lies and he moved in with me in July '12. Bad idea. Still not working, probably not even looking for a job. Why should he? Im paying all bills, food, cigarettes, alcohol and phone! Im sick and tired of him and want him gone. He has no money, car, job, friends, family. Nothing. Just me. He is not on my lease. He has not contributed a dime. I want him out! But if i kick him out, where will he live, what will he do for money? He is seriously in a bind but so am I! How can i get him out of my home? When he was having his.affair i begged him then to leave and he wouldnt. So I saved enough money, it took me a year, so i could move out. Not only do I not have the money to move again, but I dont want to! Plus i do have a lease, so i cant move anyway. HELP!
LoL, Beavismom...

Is this your ex-husband, 3rd from the Left...



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Old 07-07-2013, 08:40 PM
 
Location: Florida -
9,858 posts, read 12,388,160 times
Reputation: 20477
Quote:
Originally Posted by beavismom62 View Post
Codependency? Have you ever looked it up?! It says "BeavisMom" and my picture! Yes, i know. Ive tried counseling. Well once. Mostly i truly cant afford it, even with insurance. But after telling the counselor everything (and there is a lot, too much to go into here) he pretty much laughed at me and made me feel like the fool i am. Maybe it was just his style, a way of opening my eyes, but i was too vulnerable at that point (i had just moved out) to handle it.
I'm sorry for what appears to be the less than compassionate response of your counselor. However, you appear to acknowledge your own complicity in this situation, yet, refuse to take action to change it.

In a sense, you are saying, "Beat me up for being stupid, but, don't expect me to change." -- So, exactly why are you airing-out your situation on this forum and what response are you hoping for?
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Old 07-07-2013, 08:55 PM
 
Location: Central Florida
363 posts, read 496,632 times
Reputation: 670
Quote:
Originally Posted by jghorton View Post
I'm sorry for what appears to be the less than compassionate response of your counselor. However, you appear to acknowledge your own complicity in this situation, yet, refuse to take action to change it.

In a sense, you are saying, "Beat me up for being stupid, but, don't expect me to change." -- So, exactly why are you airing-out your situation on this forum and what response are you hoping for?
It is more than just not taking action to change it. The law in Florida is on his side. If there is no contractual agreement for him to violate, she cannot get any legal assistance in getting him out. There is no eviction she can initiate.

To the OP, this is my suggestion. If you have asked him to leave and he has refused, you need to make it less comfortable for him to live there. Stop buying the food (eat out, or at a friends if you can), empty the pantry and fridge of everything in it, stop buying the cigarettes and alcohol. If he has no job, and no money, he'll be looking for his next host to live off of. Yeah.... he is a parasite, you just need to find the right medicine to rid yourself of him.

Once he's gone, keep him gone. Don't keep repeating the same mistake, the outcome will never change.

Good luck to you.
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Old 07-08-2013, 02:29 PM
 
Location: palm bay florida
26 posts, read 79,947 times
Reputation: 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by TXRyan23 View Post
LoL, Beavismom...

Is this your ex-husband, 3rd from the Left...



Lol! Too fricken funny!
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Old 07-08-2013, 02:35 PM
 
Location: palm bay florida
26 posts, read 79,947 times
Reputation: 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by jghorton View Post
I'm sorry for what appears to be the less than compassionate response of your counselor. However, you appear to acknowledge your own complicity in this situation, yet, refuse to take action to change it.

In a sense, you are saying, "Beat me up for being stupid, but, don't expect me to change." -- So, exactly why are you airing-out your situation on this forum and what response are you hoping for?
That is actually a very good way of putting it!
Why I came here? Good question. I guess because i dont have anyone to talk to about it, to vent and to get some good ideas, which I have, of how to deal with this situation. It involves just more than kick him out, which im learning. There are legalities as well as different ways of handling this situation including both his and my reactions and options. I know no one can do this for me (but oh I wish they could!), so i guess im looking for strength, support and understanding.
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