Santa Barbara vs San Diego for single 30s guy w/ remote work (San Francisco: fit in, rental)

[coenaesthesia]

My current job -- designing software for a research lab in the Boston area -- doesn't require me to live anywhere in particular, so long as I have a good internet connection. So I am thinking I want to get the hell out of cold, uptight Boston and live in Socal for a while. I lived in San Francisco (city proper) for quite a few years just after the dot com bust; and while I loved how beautiful that city is, and loved the chill California culture, the weather in SF just plain sucks. Plus, Norcal girls seem kinda frumpy & un-feminine.

Now I'm debating Santa Barbara vs San Diego. Back when I was living in SF, I spent a few weeks in SB while in between jobs, and loved it. But a few weeks years ago isn't much to go on. On the other hand, I hear lots of good things about SD, but have never personally visited. LA has beautiful land, but is otherwise basically a hellhole, and not really under consideration.

I make a comfortable living (about $100k), so I'm not too concerned about rental prices. The rent to purchase price ratios in California (and in Boston, too!) are completely irrational, so I am not at all interested in purchasing a house. What I am looking for is which city is a nicer place to live for someone in my situation.

There were several things I liked about SB when I visited:
- Walking city. I have lived car-free in SF, NYC, & Bos all of my adult life. While I might not mind buying a car as a toy to take on drives to the country, I absolutely do NOT want to be forced to drive every day just to lead a normal life.
- Lots of beautiful, seemingly friendly, girls. As a single straight guy, this is very important.
- Nice architecture
- Gorgeous beaches. I don't surf now, but I want to learn.
- Great climate
- Not much air pollution

These are all nice things; but I also have some big concerns:
- I'm 32. A lot of threads here say complain SB is mostly college kids and retirees. Am I going to feel out of place, have a hard time finding a social circle, etc?
- As nice as it is, SB is still a very small town. Will I get bored there? Or will the reasonable proximity to LA be enough?
- I'm a pretty nerdy guy -- no one is ever too surprised to learn that I work for a certain very well known university in Cambridge, MA -- so I am wondering how hard it would be to fit in SB. The big university will probably help, but still...
- Am I fooling myself to think it is possible to lead a normal life in SB without daily car driving? I'm a pretty serious cyclist, so I only need to deal with public transport on days with notably bad weather.

On the other hand, I have heard many good things about San Diego, and have read some favorable comparisons of SD to SB on this board. Still, I have concerns about SD:
- Is it mostly a suburban car-hell where daily driving is an absolute necessity to lead a normal (i.e. not socially or economically crippled) life?
- Is it anywhere near as beautiful as Santa Barbara?
- What is the dating scene like? Most likely it won't be a bunch of anti-feminine type girls dressed in peacoats and man-jeans like you get in SF -- but how does it compare to SB or even LA? Are the girls friendly? Beautiful? Is there massive competition, as there is said to be in LA?
- How do housing costs in the nice walkable beachside neighborhoods (assuming these exist) compare with SB? Yes, I can most likely afford it; nevertheless, all else being equal of course I would prefer to pay less.
- Are people reasonably outgoing, and it's fairly easy to meet people? I find cities differ a great deal in this respect, for instance Bostonians are much stuffier than New Yorkers (tho also much more polite).


Thanks in advance for your answers. If you have any other advice you think relevant, I'd be grateful for that as well.

[04kL4nD]

I lived in SD for two years before moving up to the Bay. Based on all you mentioned I think you'd do better in San Diego. Santa Barbara is beautiful but it's just too small. It's where people from LA and SD drive up for getaways. SD is a big enough city that you can find a niche without having to drive everywhere all the time if you really hate driving. You could live downtown and cycle to the beach, or live in Pacific Beach and take your bike everywhere.

[TimC2462]

San Diego. I have lived in Santa Barbara for a year, but I know that San Diego has a lot more to offer.

[DoctorRain]

Originally Posted by coenaesthesia

My current job -- designing software for a research lab in the Boston area -- doesn't require me to live anywhere in particular, so long as I have a good internet connection. So I am thinking I want to get the hell out of cold, uptight Boston and live in Socal for a while. I lived in San Francisco (city proper) for quite a few years just after the dot com bust; and while I loved how beautiful that city is, and loved the chill California culture, the weather in SF just plain sucks. Plus, Norcal girls seem kinda frumpy & un-feminine.

Now I'm debating Santa Barbara vs San Diego. Back when I was living in SF, I spent a few weeks in SB while in between jobs, and loved it. But a few weeks years ago isn't much to go on. On the other hand, I hear lots of good things about SD, but have never personally visited. LA has beautiful land, but is otherwise basically a hellhole, and not really under consideration.

I make a comfortable living (about $100k), so I'm not too concerned about rental prices. The rent to purchase price ratios in California (and in Boston, too!) are completely irrational, so I am not at all interested in purchasing a house. What I am looking for is which city is a nicer place to live for someone in my situation.

There were several things I liked about SB when I visited:
- Walking city. I have lived car-free in SF, NYC, & Bos all of my adult life. While I might not mind buying a car as a toy to take on drives to the country, I absolutely do NOT want to be forced to drive every day just to lead a normal life.
- Lots of beautiful, seemingly friendly, girls. As a single straight guy, this is very important.
- Nice architecture
- Gorgeous beaches. I don't surf now, but I want to learn.
- Great climate
- Not much air pollution

These are all nice things; but I also have some big concerns:
- I'm 32. A lot of threads here say complain SB is mostly college kids and retirees. Am I going to feel out of place, have a hard time finding a social circle, etc?
- As nice as it is, SB is still a very small town. Will I get bored there? Or will the reasonable proximity to LA be enough?
- I'm a pretty nerdy guy -- no one is ever too surprised to learn that I work for a certain very well known university in Cambridge, MA -- so I am wondering how hard it would be to fit in SB. The big university will probably help, but still...
- Am I fooling myself to think it is possible to lead a normal life in SB without daily car driving? I'm a pretty serious cyclist, so I only need to deal with public transport on days with notably bad weather.

On the other hand, I have heard many good things about San Diego, and have read some favorable comparisons of SD to SB on this board. Still, I have concerns about SD:
- Is it mostly a suburban car-hell where daily driving is an absolute necessity to lead a normal (i.e. not socially or economically crippled) life?
- Is it anywhere near as beautiful as Santa Barbara?
- What is the dating scene like? Most likely it won't be a bunch of anti-feminine type girls dressed in peacoats and man-jeans like you get in SF -- but how does it compare to SB or even LA? Are the girls friendly? Beautiful? Is there massive competition, as there is said to be in LA?
- How do housing costs in the nice walkable beachside neighborhoods (assuming these exist) compare with SB? Yes, I can most likely afford it; nevertheless, all else being equal of course I would prefer to pay less.
- Are people reasonably outgoing, and it's fairly easy to meet people? I find cities differ a great deal in this respect, for instance Bostonians are much stuffier than New Yorkers (tho also much more polite).


Thanks in advance for your answers. If you have any other advice you think relevant, I'd be grateful for that as well.

Some of these girls you describe are a lot cuter than you make them out to be. Not everyone HAS to be a stepford wife you know. I find in places that sacrifice a little "femininity", that also means there can be less meathead masculine boneheads who love showing off their latest F350 pick up and well, maybe even more cute options for men if you are bi. I will trade for it after living in a place written with bonehead redneck men/stepford types anyday.
Also, I am originally from Lowell area MA and LOVE Boston/Cambridge area and then moved to redneck suburban hell here in South FL. I COULD be in NorCal soon though.

[DoctorRain]

Originally Posted by 04kL4nD

I lived in SD for two years before moving up to the Bay. Based on all you mentioned I think you'd do better in San Diego. Santa Barbara is beautiful but it's just too small. It's where people from LA and SD drive up for getaways. SD is a big enough city that you can find a niche without having to drive everywhere all the time if you really hate driving. You could live downtown and cycle to the beach, or live in Pacific Beach and take your bike everywhere.

It sounds like a Sarasota type of place based on what I read/saw in streetview. My great aunt has lived there for awhile and she has some dough so..

[odannyboi]

San Diego>Santa Barbara

I visited SB from out of state for about 3 days and that was enough for me. Its nice, but a little overrated. Although I did meet a girl there, and there were plenty more females where she came from, SD has that and more. SD has a pretty cool downtown, great beaches, mountain biking, skiing 2 hours away, pro sports teams, universities, historic sites, great food and the typical big city amenities but with a small town feel. You need a car though.

Its kinda like Hawaii, only much more practical. How is this even a debate?

[cainsurance]

Not even a question - San Diego pwns SB

[NYSD1995]

Santa Barbara is for rich retirees and drunken college kids. So is SD, but with a lot more to do.

[Tulemutt]

Originally Posted by Sassberto

Santa Barbara is for rich retirees and drunken college kids. So is SD, but with a lot more to do.

All those retired military in SD are rich? Who knew?

[Hawaii4evr]

Santa Barbara is nice for a weekend getaway. But San Diego is better for you, based on your criteria.