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Location: San Luis Obispo and Santa Barbara Counties
6,390 posts, read 9,678,559 times
Reputation: 2622
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Ya'll are missing a big point. A senior who is no longer active, sits at home and watches TV, plays crossword puzzles, etc. I doesn't really matter if the senior is at home with family. The family has jobs, activities etc., that the senior does not take part in, often due to mobility or bathroom issues.
Living in a senior home allows the senior access to peers, and activities with those peers, a social life that is often missing at home.
I see a senior who has lived in the same house for 50 years, has family in the house and nearby, that due to medical reasons simply cannot get out, go for drives in the country, visit with what were frequent companions, who now have the same issues. Add in a little dementia and their enjoyment of life is greatly effected.
I believe that this senior's quality of life could be much better in a senior home with a good social life among the other residents. Yet that would require leaving the home that has been home and garden for 5 decades.
Tough choices, and contrary to the opinions of some, not a political or even societal issue, but an issue of quality of life.
I'm curious if this is an issue in other developed countries and how they deal with it.
Other developed countries don't have the insanely rigid zoning and sprawl that the US has. They're more comfortable about bars and cafes in the middle of the community, and other businesses which serve as social magnets for the community. They're also bigger on public spaces to hang out and their cities, suburbs, and towns are more geared towards a human scale. America may be the world's most age-segregated nation in the world.
Other developed countries don't have the insanely rigid zoning and sprawl that the US has. They're more comfortable about bars and cafes in the middle of the community, and other businesses which serve as social magnets for the community. They're also bigger on public spaces to hang out and their cities, suburbs, and towns are more geared towards a human scale. America may be the world's most age-segregated nation in the world.
Towns and villages are also more walkable as a rule, as are many residential sections of cities. The U.S. is overly car-centric/dependent.
Ya'll are missing a big point. A senior who is no longer active, sits at home and watches TV, plays crossword puzzles, etc. I doesn't really matter if the senior is at home with family. The family has jobs, activities etc., that the senior does not take part in, often due to mobility or bathroom issues.
Living in a senior home allows the senior access to peers, and activities with those peers, a social life that is often missing at home.
I see a senior who has lived in the same house for 50 years, has family in the house and nearby, that due to medical reasons simply cannot get out, go for drives in the country, visit with what were frequent companions, who now have the same issues. Add in a little dementia and their enjoyment of life is greatly effected.
I believe that this seniors quality of life could be much better in a senior home with a good social life among the other residents. Yet that would require leaving the home that has been home and garden for 5 decades.
Tough choices, and contrary to the opinions of some, not a political or even societal issue, but an issue of quality of life.
Complex, emotional subject. It is really personalized, and in your example maybe it is what she wants.. I can see your point, we have multiple situations in our family. One elder selling her home to move into a community environment, for social interaction. Another (my mother) disabled and living at home, family member bought the home and cares for her.. She does not want to be in a "nursing home". She goes once a week to play cards and be social. (A van picks her up and takes her for a small fee.)
Elders generally do not like loosing the feeling of usefulness. If you do not feel useful what is the point of living?... For some, staying at home cooking meals for the family that lives with you and cares for you is satisfying... I suppose the right answer is it is up to the elder!! Something all families should discuss open and honestly together, make plans for when the day comes so on and so forth..
My father died at home from Parkinson's complications. He took care of my mother who is paraplegic... They always joked, she was the brains and he was the legs. It was a fragile balance, where the vast majority looking in from the outside would have said they should have been institutionalized... But no..
It worked well, he died at home, he had an accident and ended up in the hospital, the fragile bubble he lived in was broke he began failing quickly. We yanked him out of the hospital and it took extreme effort for us siblings to provide 24x7 care he needed in his last month...
I am trying to not be opinionated, but can not help it... I feel it is OK to be a burden to your children in you last years... We were all a burden to them as children... It's a pay back of sorts. Even though as we all know the burden of raising children has great rewards. IMO the burden of caring for elderly has just as many..
I hope my kids will be willing to change my diapers, like I was willing to change theirs... Only difference is I plan to pay them to change mine...
Ya'll are missing a big point. A senior who is no longer active, sits at home and watches TV, plays crossword puzzles, etc. I doesn't really matter if the senior is at home with family. The family has jobs, activities etc., that the senior does not take part in, often due to mobility or bathroom issues.
Living in a senior home allows the senior access to peers, and activities with those peers, a social life that is often missing at home.
I see a senior who has lived in the same house for 50 years, has family in the house and nearby, that due to medical reasons simply cannot get out, go for drives in the country, visit with what were frequent companions, who now have the same issues. Add in a little dementia and their enjoyment of life is greatly effected.
I believe that this senior's quality of life could be much better in a senior home with a good social life among the other residents. Yet that would require leaving the home that has been home and garden for 5 decades.
Tough choices, and contrary to the opinions of some, not a political or even societal issue, but an issue of quality of life.
These are good points, to a point. But the real bottom line is unaddressable in our society / culture: quality of life.
What the elderly are missing in our culture, what they truly desire, is the same as all productive citizens: purpose and role. Simply retiring to a convenient and friendly social venue is empty. It is no more than "doing time" in which kind of prison. In this respect, the OP is partially pointing at a meaningful issue -- though, as usual, he 'conflates' it with religion and population growth, which two factors exacerbate the problem in our contemporary world.
In tribal societies, the elderly gradually shift position from hunting and gathering to other roles ... They increasingly provide wisdom. They are turned to with respect for this. They provide nurturing. They tell the stories that bind the group and fascinate the youth. They teach the ways from: how to make a knife, to how to keep it sharp, to how dreams and visions have meanings. You do not get to do these things in an old age community. You cannot share your reservior of life. As such you become empty -- little more than full of platitudes about weather and blood pressure and lost memories.
As long as humanity focuses on "New & Improved!!!", this warehousing the old will not change and our cultural landscape will be dotted with "Self-Storage" units for the elderly everywhere you look -- but inside which the contents are not seen or utilized.
Many are in nursing homes and assisted living homes surrounded by people. Their problem isn't access to people: it's their proximity to people who care, i.e., family. Small family size, divorce, and voluntary mobility have decimated the support network of the elderly.
That is part of it, but not all of it. My MIL passed away a year ago after several years in and out of nursing homes & independent living & assisted living facilities. Fortunately she had the financial resources to pay for good care. Nevertheless, these places are horribly depressing regardless of how good they are. In the independent living facilities, people still have interests - they go shopping, they take community college classes, they engage in social activities. At the nursing homes there are a mix of rehabilitating people (for example, after hip replacement surgery) and chronic nursing care people with little chance of returning to any form of active life. The assisted living facilities are also full of the elderly in diapers for whom the day's major outing is to be wheeled to the multipurpose room to play bingo, during which they they are strapped into wheelchairs so they won't fall out when they fall asleep & soil themselves.
And they are indeed lonely.
The root cause it seems to me is far too many don't accept that life is finite. Instead of clinging on to existence (I don't call it living), many of these people should make the decision to stop taking meds & prepare to meet their maker.
When the time comes, just push me in front of a bus.
Location: San Luis Obispo and Santa Barbara Counties
6,390 posts, read 9,678,559 times
Reputation: 2622
Quote:
What the elderly are missing in our culture, what they truly desire, is the same as all productive citizens: purpose and role.
I would split seniors in to two groups, those who can get out and do stuff, and those who can't. The senior I spoke of was once very involved in town stuff, historical docent, also town politics, very anti growth, and with what was called the "4 ladies in front" attended Town Council meeting for years and worked to elect anti growth pro agriculture council people, was also involved in Republican party politics, and found time to travel all over the world with her group of 4, two are gone now, the other two are not capable getting out and about very well.
So we have seniors, like that senior was, very active and productive, and then we have those that for medical reasons cannot get out, tire easily, need constant access to a bathroom. For them, as I see, their live is isolated, even with family. In many cases a senior living arrangement allows for a social life, chat over a bridge game.
In the case of the senior I mentioned the decision made by the senior is to remain in the home that has been home for the majority of life, and not to go to a senior living facility. That will hold as long as the senior wishes.
Sometimes a home is much more than a home, it can reflect the soul of the person. For some leaving it to move in with kin elsewhere or a senior facility starts the downhill slide to the grave.
I would split seniors in to two groups, those who can get out and do stuff, and those who can't. The senior I spoke of was once very involved in town stuff, historical docent, also town politics, very anti growth, and with what was called the "4 ladies in front" attended Town Council meeting for years and worked to elect anti growth pro agriculture council people, was also involved in Republican party politics, and found time to travel all over the world with her group of 4, two are gone now, the other two are not capable getting out and about very well.
So we have seniors, like that senior was, very active and productive, and then we have those that for medical reasons cannot get out, tire easily, need constant access to a bathroom. For them, as I see, their live is isolated, even with family. In many cases a senior living arrangement allows for a social life, chat over a bridge game.
In the case of the senior I mentioned the decision made by the senior is to remain in the home that has been home for the majority of life, and not to go to a senior living facility. That will hold as long as the senior wishes. Sometimes a home is much more than a home, it can reflect the soul of the person. For some leaving it to move in with kin elsewhere or a senior facility starts the downhill slide to the grave.
Yes. What you write of is the sad case of our society, but in your example pretty well met. In the world to which we now subscribe, this is the reality. Hats off to those who take the time to care for those who wish to remain in the home. For other elderly, they feel better off warehoused with other relics. So be it.
For me, I will not be warehoused. And if I can no longer provide any function, I'll execute my version of what Sporty says: wheel me in front of a bus. In my case, I will take one last long sail over the horizon with a can of gasoline and warm up with my own Viking funereal
Sometimes a home is much more than a home, it can reflect the soul of the person. For some leaving it to move in with kin elsewhere or a senior facility starts the downhill slide to the grave.
Personally, I'd rather reach the bottom of that hill than move in with any of my children and their families. That's nothing against them in particular. It's more about me and a very stubborn, independent streak. The only family member I'd be willing to depend upon is my wife and she ain't young either.
I am comforted by the knowledge that when you're on the down-hill slide you pick up speed.
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