Family threatens to file me as missing person or use the cops on me (Los Angeles: apartments, for rent)

[111240]

I am a legal adult living by myself away from family for two years. I told them so many times not to talk to me, because even through e-mail, it was a total mindf*ck reading whatever they sent me. So, I told them that I am not using my email address anymore and that that this is my final goodbye. I still check my e-mail once in a while to see if they still send things, and they still do send me e-mail telling me things like "I know you're there". The e-mails are threats of filing me as a missing person, using cops on me to make sure I am okay (even though I already told them many times not to worry about me). Some of you may tell me, "just e-mail them once in a while", but I've done that for a while already and all it leads to is them pressuring me for more, such as send them photos of me (I changed how I look so I really don't want to give up all the effort), my new phone number (they were digging through my old phone's recent call list and calling everyone for my location), my address, and even tell me to come to their house or a different country so they can "totally make sure" that I am okay. Plus, I don't even want to read their e-mails anymore because it's like emotional and mental control through the net and I can feel myself degenerating back into the blabbering, hysterical mess that I used to be back when I was living with my family. I know that my parents aren't bluffing because while I was living in a dorm, adult male strangers were sent to my door. When I was a minor, my mother used to lie to the cops about me doing drugs or meeting strange men online. Money and the cost of investigating isn't a problem for my parents either. My mother used to hire a PI to stalk my dad (paid with money that HE made), so it's totally possible that she would do it on me too. They already sent me another e-mail saying that they're already trying to find me with the help of cops, and that my dad will arrive to California to see the cops (even though I told them that I went to a different state).

They've already been threatening to use private investigators on me since I stopped telling them my location a year ago, telling me that it's "very easy" to find me so that I should 'give up running away already', because "there are cameras all over Los Angeles".. I blocked the electronic access to my SSN so far just in case PI's use those things. I also read horror stories online about people being filed as missing persons and getting arrested for it, such as this. It would be great if I can live my own life and manage my own life like many others did without the chance of getting stalked and sabotaged, but I have financially capable and "deeply caring" (controlling) parents.

What are some ways to stop this? I don't think I can do much about my family hiring PI's, but what safety measures can I take to keep my location untrackeable and safe, and should I talk to the police to let them know what's going on and that I am NOT a missing person, or what?

By the way I am 19, about to turn 20.

[TVC15]

Are they supporting you financially?

If not change your email address.

[Gilah G.]

My brother fell off the face of the earth. Totally disowned us.
he uses alias's, doesn't report his income, doesn't pay taxes, or tickets, uses other people's info for renting apartments, does not use social networking, does not reach out to any family members. If there is a will ,there is a way not to be found.
since you are not a criminal like my brother, I would see if the Police can give you some pointers. CHANGE YOUR EMAIL.
Good luck.
But I have to tell you the further away you stay away from your family the more you become a memory to them. You might be wanting to stay clear of them right now,
But when you are in dire straits, I bet your family will be the only ones there to pick up your pieces.

[todd00]

You could go to the police station and let them know the situation, so they won't bother should they get a call about you being missing or needing to check your welfare. Or you could see a lawyer have something drawn up, so if cops come around hand them the letter and refer your parents to the lawyer. They can probably find you easy enough, but you're not a minor so they can't control where you live or if you no longer want contact with them. I understand parents worry but it would be better if they respected your wishes and backed off in hopes of possibly resolving the conflicts of the past.

[111240]

I believe I was filed as dependant this year as I was in college and using my parents taxes for FAFSA. But I have my own job and support myself so not anymore, and I am filing independent next year.

I already told them I am changing my e-mail, that is when they finally told me that they're using cops on me and sending my dad to Los Angeles. I don't see how changing my e-mail will help me, how would it? I use gmail, I believe it hides my real IP address (I looked through 'Show Original' to see if my IP comes up, it doesn't)

I already heard the dangers of burning bridges for many years and talked to many people about it. Unfortunately I don't believe reconciling is an option.
I thought my parents were deeply caring and loving parents too, but after talking to my pastor back at home, friends, other adults, it turns out it's not the good type. I do not argue with myself anymore about it.

[CSD610]

Originally Posted by 111240

I am a legal adult living by myself away from family for two years. I told them so many times not to talk to me, because even through e-mail, it was a total mindf*ck reading whatever they sent me. So, I told them that I am not using my email address anymore and that that this is my final goodbye. I still check my e-mail once in a while to see if they still send things, and they still do send me e-mail telling me things like "I know you're there". The e-mails are threats of filing me as a missing person, using cops on me to make sure I am okay (even though I already told them many times not to worry about me). Some of you may tell me, "just e-mail them once in a while", but I've done that for a while already and all it leads to is them pressuring me for more, such as send them photos of me (I changed how I look so I really don't want to give up all the effort), my new phone number (they were digging through my old phone's recent call list and calling everyone for my location), my address, and even tell me to come to their house or a different country so they can "totally make sure" that I am okay. Plus, I don't even want to read their e-mails anymore because it's like emotional and mental control through the net and I can feel myself degenerating back into the blabbering, hysterical mess that I used to be back when I was living with my family. I know that my parents aren't bluffing because while I was living in a dorm, adult male strangers were sent to my door. When I was a minor, my mother used to lie to the cops about me doing drugs or meeting strange men online. Money and the cost of investigating isn't a problem for my parents either. My mother used to hire a PI to stalk my dad (paid with money that HE made), so it's totally possible that she would do it on me too. They already sent me another e-mail saying that they're already trying to find me with the help of cops, and that my dad will arrive to California to see the cops (even though I told them that I went to a different state).

They've already been threatening to use private investigators on me since I stopped telling them my location a year ago, telling me that it's "very easy" to find me so that I should 'give up running away already', because "there are cameras all over Los Angeles".. I blocked the electronic access to my SSN so far just in case PI's use those things. I also read horror stories online about people being filed as missing persons and getting arrested for it, such as this. It would be great if I can live my own life and manage my own life like many others did without the chance of getting stalked and sabotaged, but I have financially capable and "deeply caring" (controlling) parents.

What are some ways to stop this? I don't think I can do much about my family hiring PI's, but what safety measures can I take to keep my location untrackeable and safe, and should I talk to the police to let them know what's going on and that I am NOT a missing person, or what?

By the way I am 19, about to turn 20.

You are an adult living on your own and your family cannot legally report you as missing. Let them do what they want they cannot force you to go back to where they are. If you are not relying on them for financial support then cut off all contact, move if you want and leave no forwarding address. Don't get a bank account, pay cash for everything and live your life the way you want. You cannot be arrested for staying away from your family as long as you are not breaking the law. Also, keep a copy of any and all emails that they have sent threatening to use private investigators and filing the missing person report knowing you are not actually missing.

[bmw335xi]

I have a friend that left her family as soon as she turned 18 and wished at least one of her parents would have tried to stop her or get back in touch. Unless they sexually molested you or beat you, surely it's not to late to reconcile. The bond between a child and parents should be unconditional. I'm not pretending to know the problems between you and them, I'm just saying unless it was molestation or physical abuse, I don't see any reason to block them since they are trying so hard to get in touch for two years! If you want to block them, delete your email address and ask a police officer about your options.

[TVC15]

Originally Posted by 111240

Unfortunately I don't believe reconciling is an option.
I thought my parents were deeply caring and loving parents too, but after talking to my pastor back at home, friends, other adults, it turns out it's not the good type.

Why is reconciling not an option?

And what do you mean by "it turns out it's not the good type"? What did talking to your pastor, friends and other adults reveal to you about your parents care?

[Phil306]

Originally Posted by CSD610

You are an adult living on your own and your family cannot legally report you as missing. Let them do what they want they cannot force you to go back to where they are. If you are not relying on them for financial support then cut off all contact, move if you want and leave no forwarding address. Don't get a bank account, pay cash for everything and live your life the way you want. You cannot be arrested for staying away from your family as long as you are not breaking the law. Also, keep a copy of any and all emails that they have sent threatening to use private investigators and filing the missing person report knowing you are not actually missing.

And you base your facts on? What basis do you say, "a family cannot legally report you as missing." Based upon what? What law? Not what you think and/or heard. But what factual basis do you make such statements?

[CAVA1990]

Originally Posted by Phil306

And you base your facts on? What basis do you say, "a family cannot legally report you as missing." Based upon what? What law? Not what you think and/or heard. But what factual basis do you make such statements?

If he's made it clear to them he doesn't wish to be contacted wouldn't that be considered filing a false report?