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Old 03-28-2013, 07:33 AM
1 posts, read 1,751 times
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(I'm very sorry if this is all over the place) My name is Kristin. I am 23 years old. I live in Hewlett, Long Island, New York. I have lived with my mother (single parent) and my grandmother all my life. The home that I live in was built in 1950 for my grandmother and her husband (the deed was in her name). It's a 2 level, 3 bedroom 2 bathroom mother/daughter home. My mother grew up in this home and so did I. My grandmother transferred the deed to my mother in case something happened to her. My mother passed away on March 1, 2013. She left everything that she had to me in her will, including the home. So, in a matter of a few months, I am going to own the home. We still have to read the will and get all of that legal stuff taken care of, though.

I am currently living in the home with my grandmother. My mother lost her job in October and hasn't paid taxes (property, general, school) in quite a long time. So, we have to get that stuff taken care of. I'm just giving out some info to let you know the situation I'm in.

I am currently unemployed and taking care of my grandmother. She's 78 years old. Her mind is still pretty much all there, but she is very upset about the loss of her daughter. She forgets things sometimes and she needs a little help here and there with daily things like making lunch, getting in and out of the shower, etc... She can takes care of herself, but mentally she's not that strong right now. Physically, she has knee pain, back pains. By the end of the day, she's just tired.

Like I said, we have to go to a lawyer to sort things out, especially with the house. We've been just making it by every month with my grandmother's social security check. We received a lot of donations from my mother's former job and we're doing alright now. We have enough money to pay the bills every month because of that money. Most of the bills that we had were back bills and were able to pay them off.

Plain and Simple (here's where the conundrum comes in): I own, or am going to own the home. We have back taxes on the home that were in my mother's name. The home has no mortgage, it's all paid for. I can't afford to live in this home anymore and I HAVE TO SELL IT. My mother has been planning on selling the home for 6 YEARS, but things have come along where we couldn't sell it. We were planning on moving to the west coast to live a better life. My grandmother HATED the idea and fought us for all 6 years.

Now, I want to sell the home and move to the west coast, more specifically, somewhere in California. Not directly on the coast, I know it's not practical or affordable, but somewhere within an hour and a half of Los Angeles. That's been the plan all along. A few months ago, my grandmother finally became alright with moving and we were almost all set. We were going to go to the real estate agent this spring.

My aunt and uncle (who live about 30 minutes away from us) tell me that they want to see me in a condo that is paid for in cash. That way, I have the rest of the house money (we can get between $250000 and $300000) to live on for now until I get a job. Then, I'll be really set when I get a job. I don't care what kind of job it is, as long as it makes money. They don't want to see me renting an apartment for the rest of my life. I want to buy a very small 2 bedroom condo, and there are some very nice ones for between $80000 and $110000 in Oceanside (San Diego) and in Oxnard. There's where I'd like to go.

I don't care how small it is, I just want to get away from Long Island, the hurricanes, the storms, the blizzards, the summer humidity, the taxes, the debt, EVERYTHING. I know moving to California is a really big move, but I feel like it's right for me. This isn't just some big dream where I see California on TV and think it's all glamorous and stuff. I've been there and know that it's not.

This might sound a little mean, but I want my 78 year old grandmother to move to California with me. She doesn't know if she can, she doesn't really want to. The idea upsets her so much, and seeing her so upset makes me upset. I don't want to do it alone. I've never been away from my mother or grandmother for more than a few hours. One would call me "sheltered". We can't fly there because of my fear of flying (I've been on a plane to London, it is not fun), and my grandmother's never been on a plane before. I can't drive but am taking lessons, but I know my grandmother wouldn't trust me behind the wheel going to California (I wouldn't trust myself).

I don't know what to do. There are my options:

1) Go to California with my grandmother and risk having her hate me the rest of her life. But what if everything turns out alright and she likes it there?
2) Go to California by myself and leave my grandmother behind on Long Island. I could NEVER EVER forgive myself for doing that. What would she do? She's too competent for nursing home. She can't afford an assisted living place. My uncle is in such deep debt, she wouldn't be able to live with his family...
3) Stay on Long Island and rent a condo with my grandmother until she dies (what she want me to do). I don't know if I can. She doesn't know how much time she has left, and she's not sick. Wasting that money staying here for Lord knows how long, then have to make the move myself?

6 YEARS. I have been aching to move to California for 6 years. Imagine wanting to do something so bad, something you'd kill to do (not really). Imagine your mother telling you that we can finally do it, then 4 months later telling you not yet. Then imagine her telling you we'll be able to do it in 4 months, then in 4 months telling you to wait. Imagine having that done to you for 6 years. I'm at the end of my rope. I can't wait much longer. My mother hated it here, she just stayed here because of my grandmother.

I want to do what's right for myself, my future and my grandmother. I don't want to be an ******* that forces her to do something she doesn't want to do. I don't want to do something that's going to make her sick. I want my grandmother to be happy, but then again, I don't know how much longer I can sacrifice my happiness and sanity. Like I said, I don't care what kind of job I get out there, as long as it makes money. My mother gave me a great financial gift, and I want to use it wisely.

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