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Old 02-07-2009, 08:27 PM
 
Location: southern california
61,288 posts, read 87,395,538 times
Reputation: 55562

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my favorite is when they try to get you leave your job, move up to join them and they dont tell you they quit their job and have developed a monster mastercard habit since you last saw them.
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Old 02-08-2009, 09:58 PM
 
359 posts, read 1,312,335 times
Reputation: 222
Default Are you insane?

I can't believe a pre-med student needs to come on here and ask for advice! You stated yourself this bum does nothing and does not want you to do anything. Anyone who is supposed to be with me and does NOT want me to go to MED SCHOOL? Will be a part of my past so damnnn ffaaassst! Why would you mess up your life dealing with this type of guy when it seems you have so much going for yourself? He is not the problem I would want to know WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM that you dislike yourself to this degree?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bella85 View Post
I will try to make this as short as possible. My husband and I live in San Diego right now. I have lived here my entire life, he has lived here for 4 years. We have been together for 2 years. We have a 1 yr old son and a baby due in March. He wants to move to Plumas County in Norther CA soon after the baby is born. I do not. I am currently in school working on my pre-med requirements I will be done in two years. I just recently decided to go to medical school. I was studying psychology and have my BA in Psych. My husband says that I can go to school up there at Reno or Chico and doesn't think I should go to medical school. He is miserable here. He has been unemployed for 6 months and makes little effort to find a job. He helps out only a little. We live in a studio in the back of my parents house and don't pay rent. He hates it. He is not fond of my family, even though they do so much for us. They buy our son everything he could possibly need and have offered to help pay for my husbands schooling.

I don't know what to do. He is saying he might just leave not matter what, even if I don't go. He says its unfair to make him stay here and that I should compromise. I told him if I could just finish my pre med requirements I would look into going to medical school close (not in) Plumas county (like Davis, CA). He says no he doesn't want to wait 2 years to not move there. It has to be Plumas county it can't be any where else either. I am not sure what to do. I want to finish my education so that I can provide a good life for my children and so that I can have a job that I enjoy doing, but I don't want to be a single mom either.

Any suggestions are welcome....even if you tell me I am being selfish and unreasonable.

Oh and my other concern would be going to medical school in a place with no support...my family helps out a lot right now including financially.
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Old 02-08-2009, 10:04 PM
 
Location: Vancouver, WA
8,213 posts, read 16,691,071 times
Reputation: 9463
Sorry but aren't you guys beating a dead horse. The original poster hasn't even been on the board since she posted this 2 months ago. Take a look if you don't believe me. Huck decided to resurrect it yesterday for who knows what reason.
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Old 02-08-2009, 11:26 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,639 posts, read 41,029,544 times
Reputation: 13472
He's such a Huckster!
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Old 02-09-2009, 11:23 AM
pll
 
1,112 posts, read 2,485,655 times
Reputation: 1130
Working and providing for a family is very important for a man. He is probably down on himself because he is unable to provide for you and your family. From what you've shared he has been looking for employment for 6 months. I hear it can take longer and I have seen what some of my friends have gone through. More like 8-12 months. Let him know that you are almost finished with school and it is important in a marriage that you support each others dreams and goals. Thankfully,you have your parents help. This can be frusterating living situation for him but it won't last forever. A couple steps back to go 5 steps forward is how I see it. I would suggest that your husband look in different states as well. He could commute while you finish school. Give and take is very important in a marriage. As time goes on you may have to leave CA and compromise. Unemplyoment is very high in that state but good things can happen. I have seen many young couples starting out that had to move home for awhile while the husband went back to school because he changed professions or for other reasons. The couples I'm thinking of ended up doing really well later on.
If you can't communicate I think couselling with a professional would be helpful or go talk with an older married couple whose advice you value.
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Old 02-09-2009, 01:03 PM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
77,771 posts, read 104,690,931 times
Reputation: 49248
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bella85 View Post
I will try to make this as short as possible. My husband and I live in San Diego right now. I have lived here my entire life, he has lived here for 4 years. We have been together for 2 years. We have a 1 yr old son and a baby due in March. He wants to move to Plumas County in Norther CA soon after the baby is born. I do not. I am currently in school working on my pre-med requirements I will be done in two years. I just recently decided to go to medical school. I was studying psychology and have my BA in Psych. My husband says that I can go to school up there at Reno or Chico and doesn't think I should go to medical school. He is miserable here. He has been unemployed for 6 months and makes little effort to find a job. He helps out only a little. We live in a studio in the back of my parents house and don't pay rent. He hates it. He is not fond of my family, even though they do so much for us. They buy our son everything he could possibly need and have offered to help pay for my husbands schooling.

I don't know what to do. He is saying he might just leave not matter what, even if I don't go. He says its unfair to make him stay here and that I should compromise. I told him if I could just finish my pre med requirements I would look into going to medical school close (not in) Plumas county (like Davis, CA). He says no he doesn't want to wait 2 years to not move there. It has to be Plumas county it can't be any where else either. I am not sure what to do. I want to finish my education so that I can provide a good life for my children and so that I can have a job that I enjoy doing, but I don't want to be a single mom either.

Any suggestions are welcome....even if you tell me I am being selfish and unreasonable.

Oh and my other concern would be going to medical school in a place with no support...my family helps out a lot right now including financially.
well Bella, you probably have already decided what to do so I am just stating how I see this. Have you written to Dear Abby about this?
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Old 02-09-2009, 01:11 PM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
77,771 posts, read 104,690,931 times
Reputation: 49248
Quote:
Originally Posted by cabolissa View Post
YES!

OMG, I just re-read your original post, and realized that you said you're expecting #2 in March??? Correct me, but does that mean that you gave birth around December of 2007, and turned around to get pregnant the following May (not even a 1/2 a year later)??? What kind of decisions are those?

How old are you? Are you even married? I'm sure your parents are blaming this all on your guy, which is why he doesn't like them, but you have to take some responsibility for your situation too!!!

You need to get your act together and support your family. What are you thinking?!
My thoughts exactly. It sounds like we are dealing with a couple of pretty immature kids regardless of their age. She wants all of us to feel for her even though she says she wants unbiased opinions. I would like to hear his side of the story. She wants to be a doctor, but she will have 2 lilttle ones and how does she even know she will get into medical school. That isn't the easiest thing in the world. She mentioned he is a student. I would think, at this time it might be a good idea for her to let him get his education and then she can work on hers, keeping in mind, as I said, medical school isn't the easiest school to get into.

Also I noticed the last paragraph, I don't want to be a single mom, what is she saying? Does she value for marriage or just doesn't want to be a single mom...??

Does anyone get the idea we are dealing with a young man that isn't ready for the responsibility of a wife and 2 kids and a young lady that may be spoiled rotten by mommy and daddy?

and of course this is an old thread, so I am amazed she didn't some back. I guess we should just let it die.

Nita

Last edited by nmnita; 02-09-2009 at 01:39 PM..
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Old 02-09-2009, 01:21 PM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
77,771 posts, read 104,690,931 times
Reputation: 49248
Quote:
Originally Posted by sav858 View Post
How do you know that? What are you basing this off of? You make way too many assumptions, including assuming she doesn't have a job.



Actually this is what loans are for, to help better yourself for the future. What is she suppose to do? Forget school and go work in fast food so she doesn't have to take out student loans?!? Yeah, b/c that would be better in the long run for her kids You gotta spend money to make money and this is an INVESTMENT in the future well being of her family. You obviously don't really value education if you are discouraging someone from becoming a doctor.

Working full time, going to school, and taking care of a family. She is doing a hell of a lot more than others in her situation, I admire that.
and you beleive everything she is saying...??? I have some awesome desert land outside of Albuerque I would love to sell you???

she already stated at the beginning what her parents were doing for her. Now, she wants us to believe she is doing everything and dear hubby is all at fault and yet, she wanted our honest opinions.

Nita
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Old 02-09-2009, 07:40 PM
 
Location: NW. MO.
1,817 posts, read 6,857,976 times
Reputation: 1377
Bella85,
Are you still around? I missed this thread till today and I wanted to respond to you. I know Plumas county and might be able to help with at least some conversation. Let me know of you are still on the boards.
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Old 03-21-2009, 06:10 PM
 
2 posts, read 9,182 times
Reputation: 10
Your husband seems to have classic symtoms of an abuser. There are books about this sort of thing. He doesn't want you to succeed. I have a friend who is a doctor. She is doing very well. The fact that he can't see that two years will go by fast shows his lack of insight. You are wise to make plans. He has none. His threats to leave are a control issue. To do this to you when you are going to have another baby shows you that he doesn't give a crap about you. He needs counseling. Misery loves company, and this loser will not be happy until he makes you miserable. Do not yield. If he cared about you he would be struggling for the benefit of your family (you and your child and new baby.) His behavior is despicable. He needs to be told to "man up." Unbelievable. Let him go his way. You will meet some fine person in medical school who will treat you as you deserve to be treated. Your life is an investment. What you leave behind is your children. Set a good example and get rid of the bum before he ruins your life. Sorry to be so blunt, but there are books about this type of behavior in law school libraries or online. Good luck.
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