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Old 10-12-2009, 02:45 PM
 
Location: Southern NH
20 posts, read 56,162 times
Reputation: 11

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I have been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years, we both know we want to be with each other and get married someday, start a family, etc.

We split up in 2006 when I moved to San Diego for a job transfer, and a change of scenery. I moved back 6 months later because it was too difficult to be away from him, and we got back together.

I think about moving back ALL THE TIME. It's one of those gut feelings, it's where my heart wants to be. We live in New England, and he has the very typical New England mentality of never wanting to leave the area. He would be perfectly happily living in our hometown that he's lived in his entire life, but that to me is just so boring! I crave new adventures and love the lifestyle that living in California (can) afford.

Any ideas on how to break my man out of his stubbornness?

I would only strongly consider a move if i was able to get a decent job, or, keep the one i have and work virtual (which is possible), so I wouldn't do this on a whim, I would want to feel certain I could be financially stable, but ugh... I miss it.

Thoughts/similar stories?/etc? Would love to hear them.
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Old 10-12-2009, 02:51 PM
 
Location: Austin, TX
1,707 posts, read 2,983,903 times
Reputation: 2191
How about compromising with him and moving to a big city like Boston or into the New York area?
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Old 10-12-2009, 03:16 PM
 
28,115 posts, read 63,666,290 times
Reputation: 23268
Sounds like he's content where he is... maybe he thinks you're being stubborn
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Old 10-12-2009, 03:23 PM
B4U
 
Location: the west side of "paradise"
3,612 posts, read 8,293,349 times
Reputation: 4443
Dump the guy. You can always find one of them. Obviously you've proven you CAN live without him. I say move to where your heart is. (just kidding - sort of) (I love Ca. if only I could afford it)
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Old 10-12-2009, 03:53 PM
 
Location: A safe distance from San Francisco
12,350 posts, read 9,718,414 times
Reputation: 13892
Quote:
Originally Posted by boardwalkdream9 View Post
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years, we both know we want to be with each other and get married someday, start a family, etc.

We split up in 2006 when I moved to San Diego for a job transfer, and a change of scenery. I moved back 6 months later because it was too difficult to be away from him, and we got back together.

I think about moving back ALL THE TIME. It's one of those gut feelings, it's where my heart wants to be. We live in New England, and he has the very typical New England mentality of never wanting to leave the area. He would be perfectly happily living in our hometown that he's lived in his entire life, but that to me is just so boring! I crave new adventures and love the lifestyle that living in California (can) afford.

Any ideas on how to break my man out of his stubbornness?

I would only strongly consider a move if i was able to get a decent job, or, keep the one i have and work virtual (which is possible), so I wouldn't do this on a whim, I would want to feel certain I could be financially stable, but ugh... I miss it.

Thoughts/similar stories?/etc? Would love to hear them.
Maybe your boyfriend understands the lesson that I learned the hard way many years ago. The "good life" in California is elusive for most people, especially if you plan on raising a family.

I moved out here for the first time from upstate NY in 1973 and since then have moved back and forth a couple of times to/from the Kansas City area. Long story short - I'd move back to the Northeast in a heartbeat if I could. But life has been such a struggle financially in recent years that that is impossible probably until retirement.

It's been a while since I've seen New Hampshire, but based on my memories I'd say you are already in a much better place for the long haul. The best way to enjoy what California has to offer is come out and visit for a week or two now and then. Then go back home to where you and your children will have a much better life overall.
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Old 10-12-2009, 04:01 PM
 
5,139 posts, read 8,848,721 times
Reputation: 5258
Where two people in a relationship (or marriage) want to live is extremely important to agree on. If you don't, then one person is going to be very unhappy/angry/wondering what if, etc.

You've been with him for 8 years, I doubt he is going to change his mind. Seems he is more resistent to moving here than you are to staying there. You said you already moved out here once and went back because you couldn't live without him...so really you have already made the decision. I agree, you can visit here on vacation and get your California 'fix" once a year. Or else you have to decide that there is no future with this man (that's another discussion thread altogether) and move on.
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Old 10-12-2009, 04:42 PM
 
28,115 posts, read 63,666,290 times
Reputation: 23268
I have a cousin that is a farmer... his childhood sweetheart decided the big city is the place for her... she became very restless and depressed at the thought of living her life in the same town where everyone knows everybody...

It's been almost 20 years since she left and I recently happened to see her at her visiting her Grandmother...

Looking back she has regrets... the city was fun for a couple of years... and now she misses the small town life, family and living a simpler lifestyle.

The thing is she had to go to come to the realization...
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Old 10-12-2009, 04:58 PM
 
Location: A safe distance from San Francisco
12,350 posts, read 9,718,414 times
Reputation: 13892
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ultrarunner View Post
The thing is she had to go to come to the realization...
Yes, that's all too often what it takes.

I never realized how much I enjoyed the real winters I grew up with until I came out here. Sometimes we don't know what we've got 'til it's gone.
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Old 10-12-2009, 05:06 PM
 
Location: The High Seas
7,372 posts, read 16,014,058 times
Reputation: 11867
Geographically incompatible. There's a reason why no ring in eight years- Sincerely, Dr. Laura.
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Old 10-12-2009, 05:46 PM
 
Location: Declezville, CA
16,806 posts, read 39,942,396 times
Reputation: 17694
Now go take on the day.
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