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I did think about that and knew it was but it was not because of money. And I love my home now. It took getting used to but I've never wanted to move back. I wanted to move out for twenty years and didn't have the chance. I'm not even motivated to visit for places but only people.
But before you move a distance anywhere you need to examine your reasons. If its cheaper to live but you already know you'll miss the weather and this and that maybe it might be better to find a way to stay. Or come and rent for a short while and see if its worth it.
And another thing most people don't get is that even if you don't like where you moved after awhile, it changes you. The you who moves back will be different. And it just may not feel like home anymore either. So by all means, go and move and seek new horizons. It's quite wonderful to do and can be a huge reward to your life. But don't do it for the wrong reasons or you may end up feeling like home got lost somewhere along the road.
Excellent post! I think a number of things need to be taken into serious consideration before moving, especially if it is quite a distance from your family & friends. Plenty of people will move thousands of miles away from the hometown, with promises made back and forth about making regular visits to stay in touch. Sadly, many can never (or rarely) manage this due to financial constraints and life in general "getting in the way."
I have been incredibly lucky to have lived in another state besides California, as well as in another country, but looking back now, the sacrifices were not worth it. I missed out on precious time with both of my parents before they passed away, and am now making up for 16 years of lost time with my siblings and their families. I saw my mom only once between the years of 2001and 2004, when she died. I flew home from England to spend a week with her right after she was diagnosed with cancer. She died 11 months later. I saw my dad only twice between the years of 2001 and 2008, one time when I spent that week with my mom, and then just before he died. I flew in just in time to have only 10 short hours with him before he passed away in 2008. That was the kick in the pants I needed to finally come HOME for good.
I urge anyone to think very, very hard before making a move that is so far away that precious time with family may be forever lost.
Me, I HAVE come home again, or at least I will FINALLY be home again in October, where I will be close to my sibs and their families.
I urge anyone to think very, very hard before making a move that is so far away that precious time with family may be forever lost.
Good advice for many. Having been raised and spent another 12 years myself in the military, we moved often and it seemed that extended family was always somewhere else. Now, we're scattered again, especially since our latest and LAST move.
Between us, my wife and I have five children and six grandchildren in NorCal but they, too, are scattered between three cities. One of our grandchildren is in CO with her mother and two children and two grandchildren are in Ohio. Both sets of parents and all grandparents, aunts and uncles on both sides are gone. I guess that Nebraska would be about equidistant from most of them but we're just a bit below and east of there which seems close enough for government work.
America has a very mobile population now and but for some regions, families don't seem to be as close or co-located as they once were. In some ways, that's too bad. The days of the Waltons and multi-generational families living together is but a distant memory for most.
Excellent post! I think a number of things need to be taken into serious consideration before moving, especially if it is quite a distance from your family & friends. Plenty of people will move thousands of miles away from the hometown, with promises made back and forth about making regular visits to stay in touch. Sadly, many can never (or rarely) manage this due to financial constraints and life in general "getting in the way."
I have been incredibly lucky to have lived in another state besides California, as well as in another country, but looking back now, the sacrifices were not worth it. I missed out on precious time with both of my parents before they passed away, and am now making up for 16 years of lost time with my siblings and their families. I saw my mom only once between the years of 2001and 2004, when she died. I flew home from England to spend a week with her right after she was diagnosed with cancer. She died 11 months later. I saw my dad only twice between the years of 2001 and 2008, one time when I spent that week with my mom, and then just before he died. I flew in just in time to have only 10 short hours with him before he passed away in 2008. That was the kick in the pants I needed to finally come HOME for good.
I urge anyone to think very, very hard before making a move that is so far away that precious time with family may be forever lost.
Me, I HAVE come home again, or at least I will FINALLY be home again in October, where I will be close to my sibs and their families.
This is great advice. I had family move out of state as well. Not even across the country, just to neighboring states; Las Vegas and Phoenix. Two passed away and I never saw them after I first moved to San Diego. I rarely see my family in Phoenix and it's just a few hours from SD. Like you said, life can get in the way. All I can manage is to make sure I can get back to the Bay Area and at least see my mom. My dad is here in SD so that isn't an issue.
These reasons are why I am having second thoughts about moving out of state. Seattle was my goal but I have no family at all anywhere in Washington. Just a few friends here and there. I will likely be staying in my home state even if it means I have to struggle for the rest of my life. Some things are just more important to me.
America has a very mobile population now and but for some regions, families don't seem to be as close or co-located as they once were. In some ways, that's too bad. The days of the Waltons and multi-generational families living together is but a distant memory for most.
How right you are! I've seen this exact thing happen to my family. When I was younger, most of my moms side of the family (the side I'm absolute closest to) with few exceptions, lived within one mile of one another in Berkeley. Three house-holds were on the same street. The others were often within a block or two of the street. A few others were in Oakland. Some others were in San Diego but we always visited in summer and on holidays. Now, this family is scattered between the Bay Area, Las Vegas, Sacramento and Phoenix.
Good advice for many. Having been raised and spent another 12 years myself in the military, we moved often and it seemed that extended family was always somewhere else. Now, we're scattered again, especially since our latest and LAST move.
Between us, my wife and I have five children and six grandchildren in NorCal but they, too, are scattered between three cities. One of our grandchildren is in CO with her mother and two children and two grandchildren are in Ohio. Both sets of parents and all grandparents, aunts and uncles on both sides are gone. I guess that Nebraska would be about equidistant from most of them but we're just a bit below and east of there which seems close enough for government work.
America has a very mobile population now and but for some regions, families don't seem to be as close or co-located as they once were. In some ways, that's too bad. The days of the Waltons and multi-generational families living together is but a distant memory for most.
I had to make the decision to leave my 17 year old son in Califoria. He's lived with his dad's family since I can't afford him for a long time. So it wasn't like I wa used to seeing him every day. But it was a hard decision. But he was close to when he had plans to move on and was incredably busy. He spent a couple of weeks out here last summer and it was great and hoping he maked it this one.
But it was the right decision for me. If the circumstances were different then . . . but they weren't. I have been out to visit the family and its nice but I just don't feel like I'm in a familiar place anymore. Its a very wierd feeling. If I hadn't gone when I did the chance would have been gone too.
The truth today is that by the time the kids in the core family reach adulthood, they are as likely as not to relocate. There are many reasons, jobs and new families a major one, but that inner core is not likely to be there after awhile. My adoped (ex's) familiy is drifting already. The monthly get togethers are smaller, and when one of my sil's moves out of state it will really scatter. Maybe since with my own family I remember how this happened and it was sad I was okay leaving first. But it is the fact of life today.
My neice and family now live 20 minutes from me so there is a good chance I'll see part of the family here for visits with the kids so small. But with the ways of communicating today, grandparents still do watch as the grandkids grow online and with all the ways of staying in touch its not like all you get is a letter once a week at best.
We are a mobile society and nobody should be dissapointed if they stayed to be around family and family went off in six directions anyway. But that does not mean they can't still be close.
And again, this reply shows me that we are not all that far off in where we really stand on this issue. It's a human issue and not all illegal immigrants are the same type of people, outside of them crossing the border illegally. I know some of you live in SoCal, which obviously has a bigger illegal immigration population than the one I grew up around in NorCal. So it seems only natural that it will be causing more tension for you folks down there.
Try crossing any border in Africa without the correct paperwork and see where you end up!!
The truth today is that by the time the kids in the core family reach adulthood, they are as likely as not to relocate.
My adoped (ex's) familiy is drifting already.
Sometimes you absolutely have to put yourself first and that often requires making tough choices and difficult decisions. We just knew that our birth state was no longer the right one for us.
The other reality about kids is that by the time they reach middle school, if not well before, they spend more time with and are more influenced by their peers than by their parents. Add the internet, cell phones and television and parents are a distant fifth.
My ex's extended family, which I'd been as part of for 25 years, cut me loose immediately when we divorced. At first I was angry and upset but not too long thereafter I understood and accepted it. At one time they'd all lived on one street in a small, central valley town.
Sometimes you absolutely have to put yourself first and that often requires making tough choices and difficult decisions. We just knew that our birth state was no longer the right one for us.
The other reality about kids is that by the time they reach middle school, if not well before, they spend more time with and are more influenced by their peers than by their parents. Add the internet, cell phones and television and parents are a distant fifth.
My ex's extended family, which I'd been as part of for 25 years, cut me loose immediately when we divorced. At first I was angry and upset but not too long thereafter I understood and accepted it. At one time they'd all lived on one street in a small, central valley town.
Moving to England was a very tough decison for me, since my daughter, at the very last minute, decided to stay behind in AZ. My son went with me. But during those years away I missed out on all the births of my three grandchildren. Now, my daughter and I are so far apart that we don't even speak now. I keep telling myself..."If only I hadn't moved away, she would never have met the guy she is now married to." I feel that my lack of influence has lead her to make some very, very bad decisions, which in turn have caused her to be completely cut-off from her entire family, not just my side but her father's side as well. My first husband and I divorced 16 years ago, but I still see and speak with my ex mother-in-law, and my ex brothers-in-law are good friends with my current husband, LOL!
Moving to England was a very tough decision for me, since my daughter, at the very last minute, decided to stay behind in AZ. My son went with me. But during those years away I missed out on all the births of my three grandchildren. Now, my daughter and I are so far apart that we don't even speak now. I keep telling myself..."If only I hadn't moved away, she would never have met the guy she is now married to." I feel that my lack of influence has lead her to make some very, very bad decisions, which in turn have caused her to be completely cut-off from her entire family, not just my side but her father's side as well. My first husband and I divorced 16 years ago, but I still see and speak with my ex mother-in-law, and my ex brothers-in-law are good friends with my current husband, LOL!
Sixteen years for you too, huh? I haven't spoken to or seen the ex since I finally got custody of my two youngest daughters away from her after she'd alienated them from me for a decade. All my children, all five, and my wife and I have lovely and loving relationships now and have since the ex....well....exited the city and then the state. I first met my former mother-in-law when I was six. I'm now 64 and she's about to turn 93. We still talk occasionally and I swear she like me better than her own daughter, and my wife as well. My former sister-in-law and I couldn't stand one another in high school and nothing's changed since.
You can "if only" yourself to death and to what end? I didn't care for my oldest daughter's husband but was good to him and always welcomed him into our home. He and my daughter have two boys ages 4 and 6 and he left the family and quit his job about two months ago. My daughter has an older daughter from a long ago relationship and my wife and I have "adopted" her for her senior year in high school since it's an expensive one. She's simultaneously taking three college courses at a CSU and the cost of her books alone would feed us for a month.
Sixteen years for you too, huh? I haven't spoken to or seen the ex since I finally got custody of my two youngest daughters away from her after she'd alienated them from me for a decade. All my children, all five, and my wife and I have lovely and loving relationships now and have since the ex....well....exited the city and then the state. I first met my former mother-in-law when I was six. I'm now 64 and she's about to turn 93. We still talk occasionally and I swear she like me better than her own daughter, and my wife as well. My former sister-in-law and I couldn't stand one another in high school and nothing's changed since.
You can "if only" yourself to death and to what end? I didn't care for my oldest daughter's husband but was good to him and always welcomed him into our home. He and my daughter have two boys ages 4 and 6 and he left the family and quit his job about two months ago. My daughter has an older daughter from a long ago relationship and my wife and I have "adopted" her for her senior year in high school since it's an expensive one. She's simultaneously taking three college courses at a CSU and the cost of her books alone would feed us for a month.
Ah, children -- the blessing and the curse!
I fully understand the alienation thing. I never played that nasty game with my ex and tried to promote regular visitations, but my current husband's son has been alienated from him for 7 years now. We fought one hell of a battle, but in the UK even mentally unstable mothers tend to come out the winners. Its a very sad situation. Last I heard she was turning him into a mini-version of herself.
I hate to admit it, but my daughter is just as bad as her husband. We all tried to keep communications open, especially after my 6 year old granddaughter nearly died in Indiana back in January, due to my daughter running a stop sign in the snow. My granddaughter took the full impact in the collision with the SUV. However, when said daughter and her scumbag husband are in debt to ALL family members to the tune of over $50,000, with not one cent paid back to anyone, its time to pull the plug on the United Bank of Family. Its a long, sad story involving drugs, drinking, refusal to hold jobs and a general lack of responsibility. Attempts to get the authorities involved have failed
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