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A man and his wife were driving their RV across Florida and were nearing a town called Kissimmee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it -- KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME?
They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town. Since they were hungry, they pulled into a restaurant to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress; "My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand?"
The woman looked at him and said; "Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng."
2) If you grew up scared by something called "El Coco"
3) If others tell you to stop screaming when you are really just talking.
4) If you light a candle to Virgin Mary on the night before your big test.
5) If you use your lips to point something out.
6) If you constantly refer to cereal as "con fleys".
7) If your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you for dinner, even if it's a one bedroom apartment.
8) If you can dance merengue, cumbia, or salsa without music.
9) If you use "margarina" instead of olive oil and can't figure out why your butt is getting bigger.
10) If you are in a five passenger car with seven people in it and a person is shouting "subanse, todavia caben!"
11) If whenever you feel under the weather, you compulsively dab on some "vapor rub" (vivaporu) all over your chest and inside your nostrils.
12) Your mom packs your "lonchera" every day even though you've just turned thirty-two.
13) If you call the North Americans "gringos", including Canadians, and call all Asian people "chinos" or "chinitos" and you call the corner store "the chinito store".
ARE YOU A CUBAN? HOW CAN YOU TELL FOR SURE?
4) If you light a candle to Virgin Mary on the night before your big test.
11) If whenever you feel under the weather, you compulsively dab on some "vapor rub" (vivaporu) all over your chest and inside your nostrils.
4) Also applies to Catholic school upbringing. I wrote 'J.M.J' and a cross on the top right corner of ALL my tests (didn't help).
11) don't have to be Cuban enjoy the benefits of "Vics". As kids in the early 60's my mom put it in a vaporizer when we were sick, she also gave us a hot toddy with rum...don't know which one was the miracle cure...
I know that, as a joke, the statement above is supposed to exaggerate a status quo, or tap on a stereotype.
But, if the statement were true, and people were that respectful of rules and regulations, that would be a great place to live.
I don't want to live in a place where a life guard asks 150 people to get out of the pool and the African-Americans in the crowd say: "Why? Because we are black?"; and the white anglo-saxons say "This is a breach of contract, and you are restricting our right to reasonable enjoyment" and they file a lawsuit; and the hispanics (with papers) say: "Chinga tu madre, cabrón! Me cago en las reglas!"; and while all those groups get to stay in the pool and do whatever they like, the hispanics (with no papers) have to quietly leave the pool, because they have no rights, and if they speak up, their accents will give them away, and the life guard will ask to see their immigrations papers, and they could be deported...
No, I prefer the 150 Canadians (of all skin colors, races, creeds, immigrations statuses) just leaving the pool...
(Note: any perceived stereotyping in the contents of this message is purely coincidental)
A Canadian guy is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
His friend Randy stops him and asks, "Hey Dave! Whatcha got that case of beer for?"
"Well, I got it for my wife, you see?" answers Dave.
"Wow," exclaims Randy, "Great trade."
Jorgie, from Newfoundland, appeared on the 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' TV show. Towards the end of the program, Jorgie had already won $500,000.
"You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, "but for a million dollars, you've now got just one life-line left if you need any help: THE PHONE A FRIEND option. Everything is riding on this one last question. Are you going for it or will you take the $500,000 and go home?"
"Yes, by," said Jorgie. "I'll have a go, aye!"
"Okay. For one million dollars, Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?
a) The Sparrow
b) The Thrush
c) The Magpie
d) The Cuckoo?"
"Well now. I ain't gatta a clue." said Jorgie, ''so I'll use dat dare loif-loins and phone me friend Charlie back home in Carner Brook."
So Jorgie called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.
"Fookin hell, Jorgie!" cried Charlie. "Dat's simple......
It's a cuckoo."
"Are you sure?" said Jorgie.
"Lard Je'sus b'y. Yes I'm fookin sure."
Jorgie hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go wit Cuckoo as my answer, aye, cause Charlie gots a grade eight dee-ploma."
"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris.
"Yes it is, b'y"
There was a long long pause, and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Jorgie, you've won 1 million Dollars!"
Back home the next night, Jorgie invited Charlie to their local pub to buy him a drink.
He says "Tell me, Charlie ole ****. How in da Lard's name did ya know it was da Cuckoo dat don't build its own nest?"
Charlie says "Because a cuckoo don't need a nest. It lives in a fookin clock!"
From a transcript of a radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10 Oct 1995, between a US Navy vessel and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland:
Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision."
Canadians: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision."
Americans: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."
Canadians: "No, I say again, divert YOUR course."
Americans: "This is the aircraft carrier USS Missouri. We are a large warship of the US Navy. DIVERT YOUR COURSE *NOW*."
Canadians: "We are a lighthouse. Your call."
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