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I've had someone tell me that she would be afraid to go to Canada because we are all allowed to have guns. Hmmm she was obviously mistaking us for some other country near by, but in her defense she was 15 at the time, and Canada isn't really taught about in school. I had a good laugh and gave her some good education on the matter.
About 3 years ago these questions and the resulting answers about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website and then they quickly made the rounds on emails, other websites and the media. The answers are a joke but the questions were really asked.
Q:I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? ( England )
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Q:Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q:I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto -can I follow the Railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around naked in the bushes in Canada ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. ( Italy )
A: Let's not touch this one.
Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto , Vancouver , Edmonton and Halifax ? ( England )
A: What did your last slave die from?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? ( USA )
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-DA is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is after every Flames game in Calgary . Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? ( England )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays after every hockey game in Vancouver and in Calgary , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? ( Germany )
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you sell it in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Something my younger brother said once (think he'd have been about 11) when we met an old friend of my grandmother who'd come back to England to visit after 40 years living in Canada:
Him: So where is it you live again?
Her: A city called Winnipeg, in Canada.
Him: That's near America, isn't it?
Her: Yes, it's not that far from the border.
Him: Do you know Courtney Cox?
One time in the states, I asked a gentleman for directions. Cause of my accent, he notice I wasn't from the area ( this was in the south), so he asked me "where are you from?". I told him I was from Canada. All of a sudden he had this shocked expression on his face and said "Wow, you're really fluent in English". I was about to tell him, that I don't speak French, then he continued, "Don't y'all speak Canadian up there? I told him, yeah we do, and walked away quickly.
I've been living in the States for years, and people here notice that I have a slight accent. Someone found out I'm Canadian and asked why the soap smells so funny in Toronto.
I've had people not know Canada was a country. Seriously.
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