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There are the five steps that those who are die face. I totally up understand what the cousin is facing. I don't blame her response.
When I went through chemotherapy, I kept a way low profile. I even went out of town for treatment. It is the patients final decision.
Hope you're ok now!!
I responded to the OP based on the fact that I have a cousin dying of pancreatic cancer and my life long best friend is no longer receiving treatments for her brain and lung cancer --both know they have a short time left. Both have stopped communicating with anyone except their adult daughters. When the daughters explained to family members and friends, to my knowledge no one became upset and we all understand. This is their call. Their time to do what they want and how they want it.
The last 3 months are far from a party. It is a painful process to live through. Some people want to make peace with family and foes. Some don't want to be remembered as being sick. Both ways are okay.
As for me, I made it through chemo and am once again healthy.
no offense intended but the woman is about to lose her life. She is going to die so anyone's feelings getting hurt due to how she is reacting to the news is just ridiculous and selfish.
Keep her in your prayers and leave her be. I also wouldn't speak to other family members of her in such a way as you have here.
Harsh, but, I have to agree with you. The other persons hurt feeling do not really matter. A true friend will look past that and just try and be there if she should call for her......
...snip.....RedSox....I think it's very reasonable for her family and friends to be upset about not being able to contact her, or to talk about the illness. Again, we all deal with death and dying differently
I just so don't think the dying person owes anyone else anything. she has to get on with the business of dying, the best way she/he can...as someone said, if not too intrusive, send a note and say, "I love you. I am here if you need me."and let it go at that. You are her friend.
I just so don't think the dying person owes anyone else anything. she has to get on with the business of dying, the best way she/he can...as someone said, if not too intrusive, send a note and say, "I love you. I am here if you need me."and let it go at that. You are her friend.
good post AnnieA. The last phone call I had with my friend who is dying, she said to me that she has started smoking again; as many cigs a day as she wants. She also said,"If I want to shoot heroin at this point I will. I will do whatever I want and do as much as I want. Be it smoking,drinking or drugs." I said to her,"you do whatever you want girlfriend. WHATEVER you want!!!"
That was the last time I spoke with her and felt it would be.
Maybe she just isn't comfortable with people knowing and would just rather keep the information private. But I'm very sorry to hear that she only has three months to live. I lost my Grandpa four years ago due to a rare (I think it was either muscle or bone) cancer. He was 76 when he passed away. Now my other Grandpa is fighting pancreatic cancer. The doctors have said it's shrinking and that they're surprised by this. We hope the cancer continues to shrink and we pray for him. He's 71, going to be 72 next month.
Cancer is a horrible thing. I'm very afraid of my parents or a close one or a friend of mine getting it. I worry about getting it myself too.
I have a mutual friend who's 17 and has cancer (I think she still has it). But she's being optimistic.
I will pray for your cousin.
Thank you 90s man. I do hope that your Grandpa's cancer continues to shrink and I'm sorry for the loss of your other Grandpa. As to your friend who is only 17, I really wish her the best. I am sure her optimism will help. Thanks for your prayers and I'll do the same for you.
no offense intended but the woman is about to lose her life. She is going to die so anyone's feelings getting hurt due to how she is reacting to the news is just ridiculous and selfish.
Keep her in your prayers and leave her be. I also wouldn't speak to other family members of her in such a way as you have here.
Quite frankly, my feelings aren't hurt. My mother's feelings were hurt BEFORE she knew about the cancer, as my cousin had always told her she regarded my mom as her mom so of course my mother was hurt when she vanished.
And everyone is leaving her be and I've said that twice now. And I don't even talk to her family members so, quite frankly, get off my case! I asked a simple question and your judgmental comments were and are not warranted. Saying I do not understand and putting this out to a board with a question asking for anyone's thoughts is hardly "speaking of her in a way as I have here." Egads. Bad day?
I just so don't think the dying person owes anyone else anything. she has to get on with the business of dying, the best way she/he can...as someone said, if not too intrusive, send a note and say, "I love you. I am here if you need me."and let it go at that. You are her friend.
My point was not that the OP's cousin owes anyone anything. My point was that it is harsh to judge the OP and her family members who are also grieving in the manner that was expressed, and that it is understandable that they want to spend time with a dying person. I didn't say that the cousin needs to go against what she wants to do.
What seems to be missing from this thread is an acknowledgement that the OP, or her mom, who seems to be particulary sad about the lack of communication with who I am presuming is her sister, are not wrong in their feelings. It seems as though there is a lot of dismissiveness going on.
Of course the OP's cousin should live her days as she pleases, but I believe the situation warrants feedback other than to "just leave the cousin alone". The OP was also chastized for even making a post about the situation, which I think she is perfectly within her right to do. She has a family member who is dying, and sees her mom upset. Talking the situation through to strangers in an anonymous way is a valid way for her to deal with the situation.
Best of luck to the OP, her mom, cousin, and the rest of the family. Cancer sucks.
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