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Cecilia, I am so sorry about your mom... I do know how devastating this can be... especially when you're the one that has to deal with it up close and be the one that has to make the decisions that has to be made as I lost my own mother years ago to breast cancer.
On the other hand, I also hate that it was not found at an earlier stage, because it IS curable if found early enough. I want to express that emphatically... it is NOT a death sentence to be diagnosed with lung cancer... it can be cured and put into remission indefinitely... even at an older age!
My father, age 78, was diagnosed early last year with lung cancer. He's had severe breathing problems for several years and was put on oxygen. After still having problems, he had the x-rays and cat scans done, first at the VA hospital. They basically told him at the VA to go home and die. At least he had the gumption to tell them what they could do with their diagnosis and went to a private doctor and went through all the tests again. Moral of this: DO get more than one opinion!!! He then was put on three rounds of chemo... spaced four weeks apart... a week's worth of three days of chemo in a row and on the fourth day a follow-up shot... with meds given throughout to control any nausea or other side effects he might experience.
He completed all of this like a champ and while he was certainly weakened and lost all of his hair... he did fine... never once was confined to bed! In November of last year, he then went through another cat scan, blood tests, etc., and one spot was completely gone on one lung and only a shadow on the other. He just went back for another checkout last week with another cat scan and tests done and he is still completely clear!
So, all of you out there, please don't look on this as a death sentence diagnosis! But, at the same time, know that the sooner you suspect something is not quite right, go, go, go and get completely tested! They are indeed, making so many remarkable discoveries on cancer cure, you'd be amazed! Be diligent with your health and do get more than one doctor's opinion!
I posted earlier on this thread last week that my uncle was just diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer. My mother called this afternoon to let me know that he passed away early this morning in his sleep.
We are in shock as it happened so fast. I think from beginning of diagnosis to the end was a couple of weeks. My mom who is deeply affected by the first loss of a sibling (they now range in age from mid-60s to early 80s) said that she & her sibs are grateful that he did not suffer overlong and that from all indications, he was not in the kind of pain that can be expected from Stage IV cancers.
new2sa is right, I suspect, that early diagnosis is key. My uncle had been losing weight dramatically, not feeling well, overly tired, etc...none of his siblings lived nearby so knew nothing about how ill he was getting and his own family did not get him to doctors sooner. Who knows if he could have been helped. We'll not know now. We do have to be pro-active in our own care & of those we love!
My Dad was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer and declined chemo. He lived almost 3 more months after his diagnosis. The last two weeks were really bad for him and he was in a coma the last week of his life. He was only 49 years old. This happened 15 years ago and maybe today they could do more for him, but at the time, they didn't offer any hope.
If I had to decide after I was diagnosed, I would only go through Chemo if there was a substantially bigger chance of living longer. My heart goes out to anyone going through this. It is hell.
I will keep you and your Mom in my thoughts and send my best wishes.
Hugs
Katz
Every one will die...I never meant to "write off" anyone...My point is when the time comes, for anyone, know what your family's wishes are. and spend every day like it may be the last...make the most of every min. with your family.
second opinion is a good idea, and much research may be needed to feel confident in your doctor. research the doctor, facility, drug and treatment plan.
Location: When things get hot they expand. Im not fat. Im hot.
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Thanks everyone for sharing. I know it must be very painful for some of you. All the info is greatly appreciated. I believe in prepare for the worst. Hope for the best. So Im doing the best I can to put her affairs in order just in case. Her first chemo is tomorrow. Taxol once a week for three weeks then a week off. Then she will be reevaluated.
I apologize if Ive been peevish. Normally Im a pretty laid back peep. But when Im around her every day I can feel my glass emptying. You see my Mom is one of those people whos glass has never had anything in it period. Shes not angry and shes not in denial. This is her normal personality.
Mom seems to be handling everything very well. But I may need to be sedated. If truth be told I think shes enjoying having a captive audience to listen to all her complaints. Im sure the Drs just love hearing how her brother picked on her when she was ten. I'v been bribing the nursing home aides with homemade treats so they wont kill her.
This last storm blew off part of her roof. So Im dealing with that now too. Between Mom and the Huz and the house I feel like on on Mr Toads wild ride.
It sounds very overwhelming. Make sure you do things for YOU, too! If you are a stressed frazzled mess, you won't be any help to anyone.
Best wishes to you and your Mom.
Hugs
Katz
sedation for you.....not a bad idea...........seriously. My mother and aunt required "a little sumtin' sumtin'" to deal. It can be temporary. Yes Take care of yourself. You dont need to be a hero. Take a day off ( or a few hours) from mom if you begin to feel too overwhelmed. I completely understand. As far as the previous notes on enjoying every min. of mom, well, adjust accordingly.
Do you have a support system for you?? Try a cancer support group in your area, some hospitals and even churches may offer one. Remember this is just as hard for you as it is her, so as you support her emotionally make sure you find support for you! God bless!
My mother died at 59 of lymphoma as well. I too was walking in the door of the hospital and found she had just died. In my mother's case, the chemo gave her some good months, but she was 58 at the time. If she was advanced in age, I am not sure she would have been able to survive it. My brother died at 55 of the same disease (both mom and my brother smoked). The chemo did something to him though--I still don't quite understand it. To the best of my knowledge and understanding, it caused his organs to begin to shut down, and he actually died of the treatment.
I am so sorry. I hope your courage in posting about this brings you much information to help you and your family in your decision.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2Feebs
I'm just going to be very honest with you, and I think it is very important that you and everyone who is part of her care be honest with your mom. My husband is in cancer research--specifically lung and brain cancers--with MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston. His personal feelings are that he would not go with chemotherapy at this point. At 79, she is not a candidate for clinical trials. Stage IV lung cancer is terminal. Chemo will only prolong her life, if she chooses that. It will not cure her, and it can actually make her worse, because of her age. Lung cancer is a metastatic disease, which is why it has spread to her liver. It can (and often does), also spread to her brain, bone, and lymphatic system.
If it were me, I would ask her where she would like to be when she passes (hospice or home), and what she would like to keep her as comfortable as possible. She has options for pain management. I would ask the nurses at the hospital for a recommendation, off the record (some nurses are not allowed to do so "officially"), for a great home health care nurse and get in touch ASAP to find someone round the clock (which is why some folks consider hospice). Know that most hospice facilities are wonderful, and the people are terrific. She will have lots of love and friendly faces around her.
I am so very sorry. I lost my mom at 67 to stage IV-B lymphoma in 2001. If I knew then what I know now, we would have been at home and not in a hospital. She died alone at 6AM, not even 30 seconds before I showed up with breakfast for my sister and myself. I would never want anyone else to go through that. Know what you are facing and be ready. My heart goes out to you, to your mom, and to your whole family. God bless.
Location: When things get hot they expand. Im not fat. Im hot.
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I know shes sick but I just want to smack her. Since I cant smack her I just might have to smack somebody else. Yesterday she complained for five solid hours. I was working on getting her a better room and a bigger bed. And then moving her stuff to the new room. Every time someone new came in she told them everything everybody else was/wasnt doing for her. Complained about my Gram and her brother. And complained about her ex husbands. Towards the end I felt like I was caught in a trap and I might have to chew my foot off to escape.
Some of you have said I need to cut back on the visits. I hear ya. But since Im the only one its kinda hard. Today Im going to see the Huz and then stop by her house to check on her cats and the roofers. Im stopping by the nursing home but only to talk to the manager. I am NOT going to her room. Hopefully a few days respite will give me back my sense of humour.
Good Grief Im turning into my Mother. I meant to post an update on her condtion and Ive complained for most of my post. Her first chemo went fine. She was really tired afterwards but otherwise okay. The rehab exercises are making a big improvement. They upped her oxygen and I can see an improvement there too.
Last edited by Cecilia_Rose; 02-09-2008 at 07:28 AM..
Reason: I am sedated. Ive laid in a VERY large supply of cookies and chocolate.
Cecilia, I am very glad that you can come on here and get out all your anger..I don't think any of us will put you down for that..I see you as a daughter who has become the adult in this situation and I can understand. You are wearing yourself out because you are the only one..I pray that your mom, despite her terrible illness and prognosis, will be able to look you in the eye and say "Thank you, I love you"..I really think you should see your Dr, about all the stress you are carrying around with you..Your own health could be suffering..Take care and cyber hugs to you...
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