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Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
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As a person on chemo now for over a year, each day I have is precious to me.
We each make our own choice in how we want to treat this disease. Some don't want to go through chemo and that's their choice. I feel I want more time with my grandkids and family. My will to live is stronger than wanting to get the possible end result sooner.
The side effects of my chemo regime is mostly manageable. Granted I have at least 2 crappy days right after chemo but I have 4 more tolerable days and then a week of feeling almost normal before I start the next round.
I see no end in sight and just keep plugging away. Some side effects are blessings, if you can even imagine. My hair is super soft, I haven't had to shave my underarms in months and the hair on my legs that do need removing is sparse.
For myself, I try to find the positives that outweigh the negatives.
Today I'm alive. I treasure each day but damn(!) the days go by way too fast. I want time to slow down.
My dad battled cancer for 10+ years. He finally hit that point where he said enough. He also had other health issues (not related to cancer or chemo) and his quality of life was just not there. It was his decision to stop further treatment. He was on meds to help control the pain. Just because one chooses to not get treatment for the cancer, the med profession will treat the patient by making them as comfortable as possible. That is called palliative care.
I wish the best for the OP's friend of the family. It does boil down to what the person who actually has to deal with the disease wants to do.
I don't have any other health issues other than the cancer. That could be why I'm fighting so hard to stay alive. My quality of life is good. I still go on vacations, I still play with my grandkids, I still am living life.
Apart from the fact that chemo kills far more patients than it saves, I just can't take nausea. Pain is one thing that I've learnt to cope with (To a point) but I can't tolerate nausea one little bit so I'd never I agree to chemo.
I'm not frightened of death (just the process a little) so I literally view chemo as a fate worse than death.
How one reacts to a terminal diagnosis is very personal & all one can do is support them whether one agrees with their treatment choices or not.
I remember my friend's grandmother telling her that she knew she had breast cancer--she could feel the lumps. The grandmother was in her 80s. My friend asked her if she was going to see a doctor about it, and her grandma said no. Her sister and her daughter had both had breast cancer, had chemo, and died anyway, so she was choosing to do nothing about it and just live out her days until it took her, and she did.
I've known other people who survived with recurring cancers for 25 years, going back and getting treatment whenever it popped up again. Depends upon the person, depends upon the cancer, but I feel that people should feel free to make their own health choices.
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
3,488 posts, read 3,335,073 times
Reputation: 9913
Quote:
Originally Posted by Legion777
Apart from the fact that chemo kills far more patients than it saves, I just can't take nausea. Pain is one thing that I've learnt to cope with (To a point) but I can't tolerate nausea one little bit so I'd never I agree to chemo.
I'm not frightened of death (just the process a little) so I literally view chemo as a fate worse than death.
How one reacts to a terminal diagnosis is very personal & all one can do is support them whether one agrees with their treatment choices or not.
I get an anti nausea med before chemo starts to be infused. It lasts three days. On the third day, I pop an anti nausea pill at 1:00pm and I don't need anything after that. The trick is to stay ahead of the nausea. Trial and error to figure out when exactly I needed it. Two sessions and I had it figured out.
Some do have a harder time than others, it's a matter of finding what works and for how long.
Before I had ever thought about possibly getting cancer, chemo scared me more so I had put in my living will: No chemo. Funny how when faced with cancer and death my mind changed in an instant.
A friend of the family was diagnosed with cancer. He doesn't want to go through chemotherapy. He said that he would rather "go" than subject his body to chemo. (He is physically handicapped and cannot walk without the aid of crutches... I don't know if this is what contributes to this perspective?)
How do we deal with this?
What does his doctor say? I was diagnosed with Stage IV uterine/ovarian/colon cancer about 15 months ago. I was given officially about a 10% survival rate. I had chemo & surgery. At my one year check up my surgeon told me that (a year ago) he felt that the 10% rate was very, very optimistic and he truly thought that there was extremely little chance of me surviving the cancer (but he did not tell me that at the time).
The chemo worked a virtual miracle on my cancer and within weeks the "cancer markers" in my blood were down to normal (and still are). After my surgery they found NO cancer left in any of the samples of the organs removed from my body (ovaries. uterus, 1/3 of my colon, plus a few other minor things).
My cousin had brain cancer. Her doctors gave her less than a 5% chance of survival. She had surgery plus chemotherapy fifteen years ago. She does not even need to see her oncologist anymore because they consider her completely cured.
I would suggest to your friend that he get a second opinion and also discuss it with a psychologist. IMHO, a lot depends on his age. Is he 45, 65, or 85? Does he have a spouse/children/grandchildren who love him and want him to live or is he alone? Yes, it is his decision to live or to die but he needs to have all of the facts to make an informed decision.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Melchisedec
I wish I had $1 for every friend who endured chemo and racked up HUGE medical bills and at the end was told........." there is no more we can do for you"
The chemo bought him a few months of extended life, but it sure wasn't much of a life.
Their suffering at the "end" was the same as those who refused treatment.
Both those who refused treatment and those that had chemo had the benefit of very strong pain killers at the end and were on Hospice.
While some people do rack up huge bills for their chemotherapy and surgeries not everyone does. I paid zero dollars, yes, $00.00 during my entire battle with cancer. My first chemo treatments and diagnostic tests were under private insurance & were paid in full and the majority of my chemo treatments, and the surgery, were under Medicare and a Medicare supplement insurance and also paid in full.
I have extensive blood work and doctors visits every three months and my insurance is still paying 100% of the cost.
In my case, chemotherapy, while not a picnic was far, far less debilitating than when I have had an arthritis flare-up. I was mostly just tired and wanted to stay in bed for a few days after chemo. No nausea & no vomiting and darn I didn't even lose any weight as my appetite was normal. I took medication to prevent nausea and muscle aches and also took medication for constipation/diarrhea. Now, it was a little hard recovering after the major surgery but no harder than when I had other major surgeries.
During the weeks between chemotherapy I managed my extensive responsibilities caring for my severely disabled husband and his medical issues/medical needs.
I know several people, including my husband (stage III colon cancer), who were able to continue working full time at their jobs while having chemotherapy. Heck, my husband had virtually no side effects from his chemotherapy (no vomiting, no exhaustion, nothing, he did not even lose his hair) except for loss of appetite and extreme weight loss and his depression worsened. His weight loss complicated some of his other health issues and he needed medication revisions but the actual chemotherapy did not cause any problems (he had a special type of chemotherapy that he wore as a pump so he had chemotherapy 24 hours a day for months).
But, it is true that for some people chemotherapy is hell.
Last edited by germaine2626; 07-16-2018 at 12:39 PM..
Apart from the fact that chemo kills far more patients than it saves, I just can't take nausea. Pain is one thing that I've learnt to cope with (To a point) but I can't tolerate nausea one little bit so I'd never I agree to chemo.
I'm not frightened of death (just the process a little) so I literally view chemo as a fate worse than death.
How one reacts to a terminal diagnosis is very personal & all one can do is support them whether one agrees with their treatment choices or not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robino1
I get an anti nausea med before chemo starts to be infused. It lasts three days. On the third day, I pop an anti nausea pill at 1:00pm and I don't need anything after that. The trick is to stay ahead of the nausea. Trial and error to figure out when exactly I needed it. Two sessions and I had it figured out.
Some do have a harder time than others, it's a matter of finding what works and for how long.
Before I had ever thought about possibly getting cancer, chemo scared me more so I had put in my living will: No chemo. Funny how when faced with cancer and death my mind changed in an instant.
My experience was the same as Robino, I had absolutely NO nausea with five months of chemotherapy. I was actually hoping for some nausea & vomiting so I would lose weight (I'm was then and still am at least 50 pounds overweight) but nope, not a problem for me.
And, I really doubt your statement that "chemo kills more patients than it saves" correct. Do you have any statistics and medical studies proving that?
Apart from the fact that chemo kills far more patients than it saves,
I'd like to see statistically-supported proof of this statement. "Cancer" is not one single disease. One manifestation in one patient can be totally different in another. "Chemo" can consist of many different treatment approaches all specifically determined for an individual. The treatment indicated for one person's specific disease wouldn't even reach the same level of intensity or focus for another's. Then of course there's the patient's other health concerns that play into it. Chemo proposed for someone aged 70 could be completely different than for someone of age 30. A long term low intensity regimen designed to keep a cancerous growth under control may not cause death in anything except already abnormal cancerous tissue.
I have a very long term acquaintance who has a recurring abdominal cancer. Everyone involved knows it probably will cause death, but it could still be years away. He's been through surgeries or radiation determined by the location of a new growth, he's been on several different chemo regimens off and on over the years, none very intense. He raises fiber goats, produces specific dyed yarns and runs a hobby farm just as he did for decades before his treatment began. Technically, every nutritional/supplement plan or targeted medication round he's been prescribed is a form of chemotherapy. Just because he isn't lying around wasting away, jaundiced, nauseated, hairless, or weak doesn't mean he isn't being treated for his disease.
I just can't take nausea. Pain is one thing that I've learnt to cope with (To a point) but I can't tolerate nausea one little bit so I'd never I agree to chemo.
Not all "chemo" results in nausea. Even if it might, there are effective ways to prevent it that have been around for decades. Once again, this comes down to the individual person. IMHO you are uninformed. Hope you don't have a personal reason to become informed, but I also don't think you should be painting these things with such a broad brush for others.
Last edited by Parnassia; 07-16-2018 at 01:07 PM..
It all depends on the type of cancer and the type of chemo and the outlook with or without chemo. Many people may decide a few extra months is not worth it. But one size doesn't fit all. I was just reading about the chess master Bobby Fischer who died of kidney failure because he didn't wan't surgery for a blocked urinary tract. It was a senseless decision that killed him for no reason.
All chemos and all cancers are different. Some people have no bad effects at all from chemo. Chemo gives many people extra years of life. There's no way to predict how a person will respond positively or negatively. Most people get anti-nausea meds with chemo as well as anti-histimines or steroids to make them more comfortable during the chemo. Chemo is often constipating so laxatives can also help. With cancer there are no gauanatees, just statistics. But there is no way to know where any individual will fit into those statistics, as average, better or worse. No doubt chemo is a poison. But it's a poison that gives many people extra months or years or decades of life, if they want it.
It sounds like your friend is choosing to die. Depending on what chemo can or can't do for him it may be a good choice or a big mistake. Without getting more info on his prognosis there's no way to make a rational decision.
Yes. My mom battled skin cancer. A year of chemo and radiation left her immune system compromised, shaky, and weak. And she told me once that usually you go to a doctor and you feel better. Not with chemo. They stopped treatment due to her health. They also said they did all they could. Towards the end her cancer had spread throughout her body and into her lungs. She could barely walk without being out of breath. Edit: I forgot to add that chemo and radiation only added a year to her life and it was full of suffering.
Counseling would help. If he's religious have someone in his faith come to talk to him. Another thing is if he's on medication for his disability, his doctor will want to monitor doses. My mom's body changed while undergoing cancer and cancer treatments and it affected her regular meds. She became toxic. It is something to be aware of.
Good luck, prayers, and blessings. If you tell him you're there for him no matter what that'll ease his mind.
A friend of the family was diagnosed with cancer. He doesn't want to go through chemotherapy. He said that he would rather "go" than subject his body to chemo. (He is physically handicapped and cannot walk without the aid of crutches... I don't know if this is what contributes to this perspective?)
How do we deal with this?
OP I meant to suggest another aspect that might help. If your friend was diagnosed very recently, his own views may still be evolving. It's a big dose of news for anyone to swallow. He may going through a sort of knee-jerk reaction or even a sort of emotional numbness. Maybe not. Because he has other significant problems he may already know his own mind about such things, having had a long time to consider such life-altering realities. He might consider that his disease will bring closure to his life. Until he talks about it, no way to know. He may discuss it if he feels at peace with his decision as long as he doesn't feel he's being pressured to change his mind.
How do you handle it? By being supportive and respectful of his decision. Touch base, check in, remind him that you are ready to help (including just listening) if he asks. IMHO it could help you to learn more about why patients choose not to treat their own cancers. What palliative treatments can do and how well they work. Part of your anxiety is due to not knowing much about such things.
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