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I just recently broke up 1 1/2 months ago with my ex. We were in an on and off relationship for seven years even married at one point . 2 1/2 years ago I was diagnosed with stomach cancer stage 1 at that time I just needed to have a surgery. My ex wasn’t around he was with another women at the time , which I was not aware of it until he was caught in a large amount of lies. I came to find out he was with her for 15 months was engaged as well . Yet he was still trying working on things with me. When I found out, I wasn’t happy and we didn’t talk for 8 months. I went through surgery alone . Fast forward to 6 months ago . He messaged me from a fake number July 4th 2019 saying he’s still in loved and he’s so sorry how it ended. Begging can we try again. I’m the love of his life , it’s always been me etc. So I agreed because he said he changed . Giving it another chance was difficult. A lot of work needed to be required. I always felt he compared me to her. I suggested counseling but he wasn’t really interested. I would call him out on things like spending or how he talked to me and he would say I’m not an Priority , he’s kids are his main priority . Within those six months we broke up twice. Just felt he wasn’t giving it is all. He would turn things around and make it seem like it was my fault. He would complain he didn’t get enough sex , I’m always tired, I didn’t come to his house enough, ( which was on a military base with a roommate he’s 40 btw) I didn’t bring him food on CQ. That I didn’t really love him and I was just going through the we emotions, saying I basically treated him poorly. This is a man I did everything for. My career , always put him ahead of my own self worth. Bought $520 tool set , $550 rims for truck which he paid me back . Gave and gave . Spent hundreds of dollars on Christmas just for him to say I didn’t get anything I really wanted.
Well a month ago I went in for an MRI my stomach had been hurting , no energy , wasn't eating and they noticed that there was a mass in my stomach area. I found out I have stage 3 cancer. This was shortly after my ex broke up with me on Christmas. Since he's blocked me from calling. After calling him a narcissist. I sent an email letting him know . He responded with I hope your not using this to get me back. I’m a good man and that my narcissist comment really hurt him , he cares more about others and then himself and he strives to be a better man. I mentioned he has zero empathy. Never once asking me how I’m feeling. I’ve tried reaching out, I needed a ride back from chemo because my ride wasn’t able to pick me up as a last resort . I called him left a message since I’m blocked / emailed no response. Families tried reaching out , friends nothing. My close friend is in charge of putting together my Celebration of life , (if I don’t beat this ) and reached out as well for pics , notes , anything he would like to contribute. He got nothing back. I’ve known this a person for 7 years good or bad. I’m hurt. He acting like I don’t exist. How can someone act like this? My odds of beating this are not very good . I need all the support I can get. I know we don’t have the best track record , but still 7 years of a long time. Things didn’t ended horribly. I feel like I’m basically being told screw off , you die you die. At least that’s how it feels. I just don’t get it . Even though we’re not together I figured he would still be there. I’ve never experienced this like of lack of empathy in my life. Why do I keep thinking about this so much ?
You're probably afraid and being introspective about your life and you're looking at the 7 years you invested into this relationship - but it sounds to me like it never really worked and that he's never been dependable. You can't change that. Cancer can't change that.
Cancer can be the straw that breaks the camel's back for GOOD relationships. I've known a couple of people in that position. Their partner/spouse couldn't handle that reality and left. Interestingly, both the patients came out of it realizing they were better off without them. This wasn't a good relationship. Not sure how it could get much worse than it was before your diagnosis. Despite what he says, he's never cared all that much. Cancer didn't change that, it clarified it.
If this was me, I'd be saying good riddance to bad baggage and mean it once and for all.
Have you check out support group(s) in your area?
Where I live, we have "Volunteer Cancer Drivers", "Freemasons Cancer Drivers" to pick patients up at their homes and take them to hospitals and cancer clinics.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Parnassia
Cancer can be the straw that breaks the camel's back for GOOD relationships. I've known a couple of people in that position. Their partner/spouse couldn't handle that reality and left. Interestingly, both the patients came out of it realizing they were better off without them. This wasn't a good relationship. Not sure how it could get much worse than it was before your diagnosis. Despite what he says, he's never cared all that much. Cancer didn't change that, it clarified it.
If this was me, I'd be saying good riddance to bad baggage and mean it once and for all.
This isn't the right time for you to analyze your relationship or the why's of your ex's behaviors.
This is the time to put you first, get a plan together with your medical team, and move forward.
You will need to concentrate your energy and thoughts toward getting healed. Choose your thoughts just as you would when choosing foods while on a diet.
Sometimes you will find that "you" is your best support system. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a support system outside of themselves. You sound like a strong person and that is your best asset right now.
I hope you can get it under control.... I will be praying for you!!
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