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My mother was diagnosed four months ago with stage 4 brain cancer, and was given a time frame of 3-6 months. Right now she is bedridden and unable to talk. I have been wondering for a while but never thought to ask in a forum, but she is always bringing her left arm up with her hand to the ceiling. I would guess she does it around 10 times in an hour. Does anyone know or have seen this happen to someone who in the dying process?
It may be that the cancer has affected the motor area of her brain and that this is not voluntary. My mother had several strokes in the motor area and made a motion like rubbing her stomach constantly for a few days then it became less frequent.
I am so sorry to hear about your mother. But in a way you are blessed that she has had a long life. Last year I lost my daughter in law to advanced brain cancer and she was just 39.
Morgan, you may find that she looks as if she is intently listening or watching something/someone that you can't see. I am not a believer in "spiritual" things but my mother looked for all the world like she was intently listening to someone talk. A friend of mine believes that the dying do "see" things we cannot. It may just be hallucinations of the dying brain. Just be prepared for what may seem a bit unearthly. So sorry about your mother.
Thank you everyone. It is extremely difficult, but Im glad that I was able to move back and help my dad take care of her. I dont know if she has seen anyone yet, I have heard her call out her sisters name (who passed last year of ms) but Im not quite sure if she saw her or she was just talking. I can imagine that the hand raise could be just her brain affecting her arm, just as she has tremors continuously. I am so sorry apples for your loss. My mother is 59 and although she hasnt had a full life, I cant imagine losing a daughter. I would like to post a site of the pastors daughter at my church. She is 5 and was just diagnosed with brain cancer. www.prayforkate.com
I'd like to offer my condolences to you also and share some info I experienced:
My mother had primarily lung cancer but it spread everywhere. In her last days she was stroking my face and looking right through me. She had one scary seizure and was thrashing against the wall but aside from leaving awful memories for me, it was normal and the RN told us this signalled impending death, somewhere between 10 and 36 hours after the episode. She was correct. My mother and I were always spiritually connected. We even had the same dreams on the same nights sometimes. BTW, I am a male, not her daughter!
However, my aunt (dad's sister) was also winding down a long life with lung cancer and while she was still able to talk and function she was pretty much limited to sitting on the couch. I spent hours with her watching TV and talking. Occasionally she would just be looking up at the top of the wall and watching intently like the previous poster described. I asked he what she was looking at and she just said it was so beautiful, I can't wait to be there, etc.
I AM spiritual in my dreams and thoughts but not distinctively in a religious sense. I just wander and experience so much in my dreams that are so vivid that it's like building a huge jigsaw puzzle. Over 45 years of my memory I keep revisiting the same places in my dreams but also keep adding more pieces. Many of the characters in my dreams do not exist in my real life, but in the dreams they are people with distinct faces, voices and even names.
I personally do not believe that life can be segmented off into separate rooms or compartments, but that the "open floorplan" is more desirable. The arm motion is most likely an involuntary flexing as the body always seeks motion, but "you never know" for sure.
I know I probably didn't do anything to answer your specific question but wanted to share with you my feelings that it's all good, it's all a chapter in your big book, she will always be around and there's more to come.
I shared my experiences with my aunt's hospice counselor who spent quite a bit of time opening my eyes to the variables of my aunt's experiences as she neared death. She helped reaffirm that my aunt really WAS seeing things and loved ones that she was preparing to embrace as she neared the time to leave this lifetime. I felt it, feel it and wholeheartedly believe it. It doesn't bring me "false comfort", as I don't feel much fear about anything, but rather it's a natural part of my conscious and subconscious existence. I don't have to think about it. I am just lucky enough to know it.
Please PM anytime and best of luck to you and yours.
I'm sorry to hear about your Mom. It's a very painful to watch.
In the week of my mother's passing, she called out names of people who had passed (my step-father for example). She also said to me "My Daddy wants me, my Mama don't want me". My grandfather died when she was a teenager and my mother wasn't close to my grandma who passed about 11 years ago.
Something else I noticed was the color of her hands; they were turning very purple.
As I stated before, I am not spiritual but I had a comforting experience a week after my mother died. I woke up in the night, both my hands on top of the sheet, b/c I felt someone's hand on top of mine. I wasn't scared but knew immediately that it was my mother. It was the hand that I used to hold her hand during the week she was dying and I felt very peaceful and like "it's all right." Then I moved and the feeling went away. I can't explain it, I just accept it. My friend who has a lot of experience of dying people, said that it takes about a week for the departed to gather whatever resources they need to touch or "speak" to someone. So, be open to that possibility.
Last edited by SouthernBelleInUtah; 08-02-2009 at 11:27 AM..
Reason: typos
My mother has spoken to me a couple of times, either from up close or with Technicolor visuals (too much typing to explain). No, it is not drug induced on my part.
A very close friend of mine growing up died at 39 of Cystic Fibrosis. We both would be turning 50 soon. He has appeared to me in more dreams than anyone else and I have a secure feeling that he has been watching over me, as we were so close and I was always so nice to him, when otherwise he was kind of detached from real life due to his medical problems.
Mutual friends told me at his wake that he talked about me often in very glowing terms over the years, even though we kind of went our separate ways due to marriages, kids and geography.
I'm on the side of the fence that believes it's all cool and we're traveling in a positive direction. Earthly problems, mayhem and heartache notwithstanding.
As I stated before, I am not spiritual but I had a comforting experience a week after my mother died. I woke up in the night, both my hands on top of the sheet, b/c I felt someone's hand on top of mine. I wasn't scared but knew immediately that it was my mother. It was the hand that I used to hold her hand during the week she was dying and I felt very peaceful and like "it's all right." Then I moved and the feeling went away. I can't explain it, I just accept it. My friend who has a lot of experience of dying people, said that it takes about a week for the departed to gather whatever resources they need to touch or "speak" to someone. So, be open to that possibility.
I took care of my mother for 9 months after she was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. After she passed, I noticed a shadow of a person standing at the entrance to her bedroom. This shadow remained for several hours until she was taken from the home. I felt its presence which was calming and comforting. This was 19 years ago. I still don't know who was guiding her to the next life, but someone was there.
I was very close to my FIL and after he passed away 10 years ago, several weeks later I was thinking about him and tearing up. I went out to our covered back porch to sit. I found a parrot's beautiful green feather on the porch where we used to sit and talk. As I sat down, I felt someone put their hand on my shoulder. I turned around, but no one was there. We don't have a parrot, and we have never found a parrot feather EVER, anywhere.
As you said, I can't explain it, I just accept it. We just don't know all there is to life and death.
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Right now she is bedridden and unable to talk. I have been wondering for a while but never thought to ask in a forum, but she is always bringing her left arm up with her hand to the ceiling. I would guess she does it around 10 times in an hour. Does anyone know or have seen this happen to someone who in the dying process?
