Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My aunt was in a subsidized senior apartment. Everyone paid 1/3 of their monthly income so she paid about $275 total for the rent & utilities each month. Normal rent and utilities in a similar sized apartment in her city probably would have been about $1,200 a month.
She was unhappy initially about moving and was sort of grumpy the first few months, but later loved it and said that she should have moved to senior subsidized housing years earlier.
This is what a lot of people say. They initially resist the change, then come to love it, and love the friendships that develop there.
One of the saddest things about growing older is that you lose your friends and don't make new ones.
Another thought and it's entered my mind. If worse would come to worse I could have someone come live with me for just about FREE rent to help me out if and when needed. There are SO MANY people today who are being pushed out of their apts due to rising costs of housing. Apts and homes have so many people living in them now.
Seems like a good way to get a deadbeat roommate whom you can’t of.
Right. No different than it is here. If there is someone that is available to take care of them, they do. Otherwise, the person lives alone and struggles. It's that way anywhere. Back in the day, family units stayed together - farms were run by large families, and there were always younger folks around to handle any needed elder care. It's a different time now. Kids grow up and move away. People have got to start planning for their elder years and not assuming that there will be someone around to take care of them. Often it simply is not going to be possible.
Very true. Times have changed.
It was often the women of the family who ended up as caregivers (not necessarily by choice) but now women often work right up to their retirement age (or beyond) to plan for their own retirement. Many younger women saw their mothers get divorced or become widowed and witnessed the struggles, so they are afraid to give up their jobs which gives them some security. Completely understandable.
Also, just because you are old and poor does not mean Medicaid will pay. You have to be unable to perform certain activities of daily living (dressing, feeding yourself, etc.). I have an in-law who was convinced that “it was the law” that Medicaid had to pay for her elderly mother, but nope - she did not qualify. That comes as a shock to some people when a $5k and up bill is due every month.
Seems like a good way to get a deadbeat roommate whom you can’t of.
Your sentence doesn't sound complete. I'm not looking at is a deadbeat but a helper in exchange for free rent. When the going gets tough, the tough gotta get going.
Don't do it. You are entitled to a life of your own. There are other places for her to go - senior apartments, nursing homes. Find one close to you and go inspect it.
Don't let anyone guilt you into bringing your mother into your home. It's not their business.
I understand the temperature thing. I like it cold, mom liked the room to be at least 85 degrees. She also smoked and thought nothing of falling asleep with a lit cigarette and burning my furniture. No apologies either. It was maddening. She also had no interests outside of talking and watching TV. Double-maddening to someone who likes it quiet. I found her a small apartment in a senior building with people her own age.
Just don't take her in. You'll end up resenting, maybe hating your mother. That alone will lead to more guilt and anguish.
I HATE to be in this position but my mother is getting to the point where she is going to have to live with someone and I am the only responsible offspring. I hate to say it but I can only take her for a short time - she realizes that I can't take her talking all the time, liking it warmer than I do, etc. (LOL - trying to lighten it up).
I like/love living by myself, having my own schedule, etc. but I feel the guilt because she is my mother (we never had a good relationship obviously). I have two brothers and one does actually help her out, takes her out occasionally, etc. (the other one is worthless). She has it in her head that she doesn't want to live w/him and his wife but with me... ACK..... Like I need more stress.
Sorry to be a vent but I just don't know what to do and it's really stressing me thinking I will have to have her move here and it will likely kill me before her.
Can you talk to your brother & together find out all of her options?
Can you talk to your brother & together find out all of her options?
One brother kind of suggested moving in w/him and his wife (at some point) but his son/my nephew also lives there (and probably always will, LOL) - and they have cats. Mom has a bird that is an extremely important part of her life so.........
Just keeping fingers crossed at this point that she will continue to be able to live on her own for a lot longer (I know... head in the sand but that is all I can handle right now) - I do appreciate all those offering thoughts.
One thing to consider seriously is this: If your mother moves in with someone, sorry to say this but she's no longer calling the shots. Not with her bird, not with her schedule, not with the heat, etc. She wouldn't be a guest - she'd be a permanent DEPENDENT.
This is the hard part about moving a parent into an adult child's home. For decades the parent has been self sufficient and even a bit of an authority figure even though the adult child is grown. Often the adult child has been the guest - truly a guest - or even moved back home at some point. Let me ask you a question - whenever you lived in your mother's home, who was in charge? Who set the schedule? Not if you were a short time guest - I'm talking about a permanent living arrangement. Typically this is when you're a child. You are under THEIR authority - as it should be.
My point is that now it's YOUR home. YOU are in charge. Except that's really hard when it's a parent. The dynamics are just so different.
Look into hiring a CNA, maybe a few hours here and there. If you know someone, it might be much less expensive than going through a home health agency. That, along w/ making sure the home environment is safe and trips there every day to check on things might be enough. Depends on the safety factors. Helping her pay bills and shopping for her might be a way to help, too, so that the situation stays stable for as long as possible.
I work w/ elders who have adequate resources and the children are doing well, too, yet most of the children only stop by as really necessary. I don't judge. But, so much worse for most people who don't have these resources at their disposal.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
No different than it is here. If there is someone that is available to take care of them, they do. Otherwise, the person lives alone and struggles. It's that way anywhere. Back in the day, family units stayed together - farms were run by large families, and there were always younger folks around to handle any needed elder care. It's a different time now. Kids grow up and move away. People have got to start planning for their elder years and not assuming that there will be someone around to take care of them. Often it simply is not going to be possible.
