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MIL had a major mental breakdown a few years back (2-3 weeks hospitalized) and since then has ongoing ups and downs with her meds. We don't like close at all, 3 time zones away.
The thing is...her daughter (my DIL) and some of her friends, etc. are kind of like the "mommy wine group" and at least in my estimation, MIL is drinking too much. At least too much for someone on a handful of scripts to treat major mental conditions.
From where we are, we could easily just ignore it; it doesn't affect us. But we love the old gal and fear that this will lead to no good sooner than later. Truth be told I'm kind of p'd off that people that should know better are sort of partying right along with her.
Aren't the effects of drinking while on anti-psychotics and anti-depressants well known?
As far as what she drinks, when I've seen it or heard of it on family zooms/calls we're talking like almost a bottle of wine or more or 2-3 strong martinis in a sitting. Not daily, but a few times a week.
This falls on the DIL. She's the one who needs to change her behavior and she's the one someone would need to take this up with. For you to do so is a stretch even though you obviously care. Does she understand what the medications her mother takes are and why? If she doesn't provide all the alcohol (and the social situations that encourage it) chances are her mother will drink less.
Last edited by Parnassia; 05-17-2020 at 03:08 PM..
I am confused by your terminology. But it sounds as if you are not responsible for this woman, nor are related. This is not something you can control.
It is possible this woman is bipolar and drinks to self medicate, and if so, she is certainly not the first to do this. (And I could be wrong about her being bi polar)
Since you are not family, and are not tasked with her well being, I don’t think there is much you can do, unless specifically asked.
No, she should not be drinking and taking meds. If you happen to know what her meds are, you could send Mayo Clinic info to DIL, I suppose. But I suspect DIL will take offense. If you sent them to MIL, she would likely take offense.
There will likely be a crisis, if she lives long enough.
Is there a reason it's DIL's fault? You don't know that she hasn't spoken to your MIL about it, and perhaps has been told to butt out, and it wouldn't be fair to start excluding her from gatherings she's become accustomed to being a part of. MIL is her own person and makes her own decisions. It sucks, but a person with a problem isn't going to change until they see the problem of their own accord.
Your spouse is the blood relative to this lady?
Have her make a call to the dept of aging.
Technically speaking they can intercede on behalf of the senior.
Usually it's self evident if the person is consuming alcohol when on psychotic drugs. The agent can address this with the seniors doctor . Usually the doctor will then either admit the person for testing or cease prescribing the med if the person is not adhering to the 'warning: no alcohol' warning label. Doctors take their responsibility seriously . They don't want lawsuits down the road. Have your spouse rise above the blind eye and consider getting an unbias agency involved.
I'm still confused about relationships, but if it's your wife's mom, and your wife wants to get involved, and you are at a distance, yes, you could call dept of aging and have them look into her welfare.
But this is kind of a nuclear option, and I don't think you can necessarily blame her daughter (or whoever it is) because she drinks wine with her friends.
And are you prepared to have your wife's mom come live with you, or be put into assisted living?
Not to be pedantic, but her daughter would therefore be your sister-in-law...I unfortunately have nothing to offer on the actual topic.
Sorry yes, my SIL (not DIL) lives with my MIL
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