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My husband is almost 80 and 13 years older than me. His health has deteriorated over the last few years. He still has all his marbles, is alert and extremely bright. His physical ailments and limitations are increasingly frustrating for him.
He spends most of the day looking at porn online. His conversation usually revolves around something pertaining to sex or body parts. Last year he regaled our dinner guests with stories about "threesomes" becoming popular (like he would know). We haven't seen them since.
My question: will this get worse? We hear about the proverbial "dirty old man" but is it a thing? We don't socialize anymore. Our daughters visit with their families and understand the problem. We all steer the conversation in different directions and know to "rescue" whoever is stuck. Our marriage survives because we spend the hours from 12:00 pm. to 5:00 pm in our respective happy places Then we have dinner, watch tv and chat before bed.
And no, he cannot take the Little Blue Pill anymore because of his other ailments so hasn't seen any action in awhile.
My husband is almost 80 and 13 years older than me. His health has deteriorated over the last few years. He still has all his marbles, is alert and extremely bright. His physical ailments and limitations are increasingly frustrating for him.
He spends most of the day looking at porn online. His conversation usually revolves around something pertaining to sex or body parts. Last year he regaled our dinner guests with stories about "threesomes" becoming popular (like he would know). We haven't seen them since.
My question: will this get worse? We hear about the proverbial "dirty old man" but is it a thing? We don't socialize anymore. Our daughters visit with their families and understand the problem. We all steer the conversation in different directions and know to "rescue" whoever is stuck. Our marriage survives because we spend the hours from 12:00 pm. to 5:00 pm in our respective happy places Then we have dinner, watch tv and chat before bed.
And no, he cannot take the Little Blue Pill anymore because of his other ailments so hasn't seen any action in awhile.
Does this get worse?
I don’t know. But I do know you are not alone. During a ”joys and concerns” sharing time during a recent (Zoom) service at our (UU) church, one of the older gents in the congregation discussed his concern at length: He felt it was totally repressive and unfair that women couldn’t go topless in public like men. I can’t only imagine what his wife was thinking ….Yes, this was in the middle of a church service.
This sex obsession was the first sign of my SO's Frontotemporal Dementia (FTD). He was the same way as your husband, in the beginning. It got worse - he'd "entertain" himself any time and anywhere. Once he entered a restaurant with me and announced to the room at large - in a booming voice - that "I have sex with all these women and then I drop them just like my son". I got him out of there but have never been back to that restaurant! And no, he hadn't had sex with anyone, including himself, for a long time due to a variety of health issues. He was unable to take the little pills due to those issues. It was all in his head.
Yes, he needs to be evaluated. If you can communicate with his physician prior to the appointment, it may be helpful as your husband may deny that there's anything wrong with him. In his mind he's perfectly normal. With FTD, the frontotemporal lobes of the brain atrophy and as that's the area that controls right and wrong, he's incapable of filtering his actions, words, etc.
Do read up on FTD - you may find more signs and symptoms than you expect. There's way more to it than just the sex obsession, although that's typical. My SO was 69 when his symptoms became obvious but, in retrospect, I now realize that he'd been behaving oddly in a number of other ways for several years. Just sort of quirky, or so I thought. Quirky indeed.
There is another poster who posts on here whose husband also has FTD. I've posted in some of her threads too, so you might want to look them up. It's not a static ailment - it will continue and develop other aspects.
I wish you the best and hope you can get some answers as to what is going on.
Years before dementia can be diagnosed, this type of thing can happen. Or, he could just be a porn addict. The more they watch, the more addicted they become.
I had a family member lose their filter and spew a lot of religious and political stuff a few years before Alzhemier's diagnosis.
Any chance you can *break* his computer? Anyway you can divert his attention during the day to some other hobby, golf, fishing, coin collecting, anything? I know it's not in your power to control him, and I'm not suggesting that you try, only suggestions...perhaps last but not least that he talk to his doctor about his obsession, therapy might be in order if there's nothing else going on.
Often it is a sign of dementia, the loss of inhibitions. My mother's gerontologist said it is indicative of structural changes in the frontal cortex.
So a talk with the physician is probably a good idea.
I agree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMansLands
Years before dementia can be diagnosed, this type of thing can happen. Or, he could just be a porn addict. The more they watch, the more addicted they become.
I had a family member lose their filter and spew a lot of religious and political stuff a few years before Alzhemier's diagnosis.
Any chance you can *break* his computer? Anyway you can divert his attention during the day to some other hobby, golf, fishing, coin collecting, anything? I know it's not in your power to control him, and I'm not suggesting that you try, only suggestions...perhaps last but not least that he talk to his doctor about his obsession, therapy might be in order if there's nothing else going on.
My father does not exhibit symptoms of dementia, but he has picked up a porn addiction since my mother died 5 years ago. He has "messed up" his Chromebook a few times by clicking on popups or whatever and then shutting it down out of panic, which somehow logs him out. My brother has had to create new logins for him, and it's a whole thing, so brother told him he'd done it for the last time.
A couple months ago, Dad got himself into trouble again but instead of calling my brother, he somehow got connected with a scam IT service that remote-accessed his computer to fix the problem -- for the nice little sum of $400 drawn directly out of his checking account (nice work for 5 mins of time!). With the remote access, of course, the company then had access to everything -- bank accounts, passwords, credit cards, social security numbers, etc. My brother was LIVID, pulled all of Dad's money over to a separate account (to avoid any more scam withdrawals), and made Dad DESTROY the computer.
Dad's been hinting at wanting to get another computer, but so far he hasn't bought one. He got quite the lecture from my brother, sis-in-law, AND his doctor, so hopefully he finds better use of his time puttering around his workshop.
I concur with the folks accessing the beginning phase of dementia.
My Uncle was a bit of an off the cuff person since I was knee high to a grasshopper.
Two years prior to his final demise, He went out to dinner with the family.
Our ages ranged from 60's down to the little toddlers.
He loved to tell stories from his years in the military.
Til Out came a story that NONE of us were expecting from his mouth.
It was raunchy and filled with antics that would make a hooker blush!
No matter how we tried to socially guide him to cease or change the topic. His voice got louder.
It had no place at the dinner table . Finally we each got up and found something else to do.
Run the toddlers to the bathroom, go pay the check, or look to find the coat gal to hand us our outer attire.
He seriously slammed his fist down and swore at us saying....So I get it you can't respect a man that served this country! We said, a respectable man that served in the military would not be spouting those types of stories in front of ladies or toddlers.
I wish I had known that He was starting his dementia then, I would have gotten him on medication.
There is nothing respectable about an adult objectifying and mishandling females and thinking its a "duty to be honored for ".
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