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I feel for you and am so sorry to hear this. But, let me give you this advice from someone with cancer. It isn’t cancer until the biopsy comes back. I know it is hard, and devastating, but try and wait for the results to come back and you find out exactly what type of cancer and the stage. That information may make all the difference to you.
I give you my best wishes for the strength as you go down this path.
I'm telling you - if I had any form of progressive dementia, there's no way I'd want my life extended with treatment for some other something, especially cancer, knowing how badly the side effects from treatment will probably affect someone.
Here's a true story:
My mom had vascular dementia. She fell and shattered her upper arm. They couldn't do surgery on her because she responded so poorly to anesthesia and because she had such significant osteoporosis. They couldn't convince her to leave a cast on for that matter, so there was simply no way she was going to go along with any sort of significant treatment plan - including the needed physical therapy. It was all we could do, with some cooperation simply because her arm was so painful, to convince her to wear a sling. She went under hospice care and died a few months later. I knew it was the beginning of the end because from that point on, she was also in a wheelchair. It was pathetic but no one could justify trying to fix that arm. She was completely unreasonable and as sad as it was, at least they could pump her full of pain meds and keep her pretty comfortable.
We knew how badly she'd fare with surgery and rehab because several years before that, she had fallen and broken her hip, and the family did opt for surgery and rehab. It was a fiasco. Not only did she barely manage to get through rehab, the whole experience was horrible for the entire family. We honestly thought she was probably going to die, and this was when she had only very mild dementia. In fact, I don't even think she'd been diagnosed though the reason she fell was because of a complete lack of any common sense at all. And the stress of the whole fiasco is what I believe triggered my dad's autoimmune disorder, which killed him and left my mom in my care.
If I were in your situation, and knew my husband's strong desire to LIVE, regardless of how compromised he may be/become, I would go forward with treatment. I have four stepchildren that would blame me should be pass from something that may be inevitable, but treatable and life prolonging. If the senario with stepchildren who would be accusatory were not in play, I would not go with treatment but rather with hospice/pallative care.
the last consideration regarding my husband's care would be his children. Their lack of involvement and care would not play well in their favor if there was an issue. My husband no longer can participate in a conversation that would assist in his continued care. For now, we will not be perusing any treatment other than a PET scan to identify any other areas that cancer has invaded. Other than that, we will continue with keeping him comfortable and at home with me.
If I ever become terminally ill I will not fight it. I will not do debilitating chemo treatments or surgery or try to keep myself alive. I will pray for a good death and let nature take its course. My own personal belief is that when we become terminally ill, it's time to go. It's God calling us. YMMV.
I'm so sorry you're going through this, OP. And others here who have as well.
PS If I were ever a health care directive I would follow the person's wishes because it is required by law, and it is respecting their wishes. I wonder if you know his wishes??
yes, I know his wishes. They are the same as mine. That there be no intervention or continue of medical care if machines are what is keeping me alive. This is different.
the last consideration regarding my husband's care would be his children. Their lack of involvement and care would not play well in their favor if there was an issue. My husband no longer can participate in a conversation that would assist in his continued care. For now, we will not be perusing any treatment other than a PET scan to identify any other areas that cancer has invaded. Other than that, we will continue with keeping him comfortable and at home with me.
Very reasonable decision, Va-Cat. I am not a doctor but I can pretty much envision his QOL being worse with treatment. I am curious as to why even bother with the PET scan?
In palliative care, they can treat cancer with chemo only to provide quality of life, not to extend the life. It's between them and the doctors whether the worsening symptoms can be tolerated and how long that can be expected to continue. There is no formula. I was told the loss of ability to swallow could end life in about two years. The last month is hell. The others are both good and bad.
In palliative care, they can treat cancer with chemo only to provide quality of life, not to extend the life.
Radiation therapy is sometimes used for that reason, too, especially for bone metastases. It's not intended to be curative, but rather to slow the growth of the tumor and thus stop pain. Metastases in bone can be VERY painful; they can also sometimes cause a bone (especially a hip) to break under load, which can reduce the person's mobility. If palliative radiation therapy preserves the person's ability to walk, it can be well worth doing.
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