Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Just read a thread about a guy in Virginia who needed a personal care attendant in a hurry and wondered how to go about it.
His wife is his caregiver and she ended up in the hospital.
It happens, and as a caregiver, I have mildly worried about myself. My blood pressure was never high, but that last couple of times I've had it taken (last was at the dentist last week before having a tooth pulled), it is higher than it should be. I don't want to go on medication, but I don't want to stroke out either, especially far from home and out of the country. I told my bf's sons that if something happens, call my daughter, toss me in the SUV and hand me to her over the border, lol. JK. I could go to a doctor here and my insurance covers it 80%, but I am trying to take care of it myself.
A caregiver is always on edge, waiting for someone to call you for the next thing they need. They can't help it, I get that, but I can never just relax. Being far from home, I have no friends to meet for lunch or anything, which I miss. His sisters try to help out and fill that role a bit, but they have their own families, and they are just being nice, they aren't really hanging out with me for my company. They barely knew me before he got sick, and they adored his last girlfriend and are still in touch with her, so I am always careful about what I say or don't say.
The highlight of my day is going out for a long walk and listening to podcasts or audio books. Because he can't do anything but watch TV, I don't get to choose what to watch, either. Once in a while we watch a movie together. And we do have some conversations but his world has become so small that there is less and less to talk about. Thank God for his sons, who are suffering also, particularly the younger one who stays up to take the night shift. He worked nights before he took a leave of absence to help care for his dad. The other one helps to a lesser extent, but he is on the spectrum and often can't see beyond the end of his own wants and needs.
Anyway, when I was a kid, our neighbor two houses down was this mean, bitter man in a wheelchair. He had MS, and he ran a little shoe repair out of his garage. My parents would occasionally send us over to buy new shoelaces or get shoes reheeled. I was terrified of him, but his wife was the nicest, sweetest lady you ever met. She gave us cookies, asked about our Mom, and was the total opposite of the crank she was married to.
Well, wouldn't you know, she was also religious and went to a Billy Graham crusade when he came to the area, and while she was there, she had a heart attack and died at the age of 47. And the miserable old goat lived for another ten years or so. I think his kids eventually stuck him in a nursing home.
I don't want to be that caregiver who keels over from taking care of somebody else. I'm getting a week off next month to go home and attend a wedding. I'll be able to visit at least one sister, all three, I hope, and a couple of friends, too. And most days, I will be able to sleep until I wake up naturally, which rarely happens now.
MQ, every time I feel start feeling sorry for myself I think of you and others here and elsewhere who are living this reality. Having done caregiving myself, but not nearly what you and others are doing, it gives me a huge reality check. You and others are tough and kind, and this too shall pass though it can be crazymaking to not know when or how.
MQ, every time I feel start feeling sorry for myself I think of you and others here and elsewhere who are living this reality. Having done caregiving myself, but not nearly what you and others are doing, it gives me a huge reality check. You and others are tough and kind, and this too shall pass though it can be crazymaking to not know when or how.
Ha, and if I start feeling sorry for myself, I can easily find people much worse off than I am as far as caregiving goes!
MQ, you might need BP medication until your boyfriend passes. Sometimes HBP is situational and you don’t want to have a stroke from stress. I would start taking your blood pressure twice a day and see if there’s a trend.
It happens, and as a caregiver, I have mildly worried about myself. My blood pressure was never high, but that last couple of times I've had it taken (last was at the dentist last week before having a tooth pulled), it is higher than it should be. I don't want to go on medication, but I don't want to stroke out either, especially far from home and out of the country. I told my bf's sons that if something happens, call my daughter, toss me in the SUV and hand me to her over the border, lol. JK. I could go to a doctor here and my insurance covers it 80%, but I am trying to take care of it myself.
A caregiver is always on edge, waiting for someone to call you for the next thing they need. They can't help it, I get that, but I can never just relax. Being far from home, I have no friends to meet for lunch or anything, which I miss. His sisters try to help out and fill that role a bit, but they have their own families, and they are just being nice, they aren't really hanging out with me for my company. They barely knew me before he got sick, and they adored his last girlfriend and are still in touch with her, so I am always careful about what I say or don't say.
The highlight of my day is going out for a long walk and listening to podcasts or audio books. Because he can't do anything but watch TV, I don't get to choose what to watch, either. Once in a while we watch a movie together. And we do have some conversations but his world has become so small that there is less and less to talk about. Thank God for his sons, who are suffering also, particularly the younger one who stays up to take the night shift. He worked nights before he took a leave of absence to help care for his dad. The other one helps to a lesser extent, but he is on the spectrum and often can't see beyond the end of his own wants and needs.
Anyway, when I was a kid, our neighbor two houses down was this mean, bitter man in a wheelchair. He had MS, and he ran a little shoe repair out of his garage. My parents would occasionally send us over to buy new shoelaces or get shoes reheeled. I was terrified of him, but his wife was the nicest, sweetest lady you ever met. She gave us cookies, asked about our Mom, and was the total opposite of the crank she was married to.
Well, wouldn't you know, she was also religious and went to a Billy Graham crusade when he came to the area, and while she was there, she had a heart attack and died at the age of 47. And the miserable old goat lived for another ten years or so. I think his kids eventually stuck him in a nursing home.
I don't want to be that caregiver who keels over from taking care of somebody else. I'm getting a week off next month to go home and attend a wedding. I'll be able to visit at least one sister, all three, I hope, and a couple of friends, too. And most days, I will be able to sleep until I wake up naturally, which rarely happens now.
Great to hear you are getting a week to get back to baseline. Like you, I have come to recognize that in order to take care of him, you have to be able to take care of yourself as well. Does him no good if you need a caregiver.
I remain amazed at your devotion, humor, and ability to appreciate the moments in caring for your BF.
MQ, you might need BP medication until your boyfriend passes. Sometimes HBP is situational and you don’t want to have a stroke from stress. I would start taking your blood pressure twice a day and see if there’s a trend.
That's what the doc at the urgent care said when I mentioned it to him (i went for another reason.)
Great to hear you are getting a week to get back to baseline. Like you, I have come to recognize that in order to take care of him, you have to be able to take care of yourself as well. Does him no good if you need a caregiver.
I remain amazed at your devotion, humor, and ability to appreciate the moments in caring for your BF.
Humor is the only way to survive. And sometimes he displays some as well, particularly sardonic comments about our sometimes bumbling caregiving skills. I really suck at it. There's a reason I never became a nurse!
Humor is the only way to survive. And sometimes he displays some as well, particularly sardonic comments about our sometimes bumbling caregiving skills. I really suck at it. There's a reason I never became a nurse!
You and me both. But we do the best we can.
Hope your trip went well and your humor is still intact.
Your advice to take care of myself continues to be a blessing.
Realizing I dreaded the future, I decided to change it. We moved to a one-level home, remodeled the bathrooms, etc. It was a ton of work, but worth it.
Husband is recovering from his hip replacement a year ago. He's moving slow, but moving. He will likely need knee replacement surgery one of these days, but for now, the shots are keeping him going.
Now that I am no longer running up and down stairs all day, bringing him his knee brace, his water, his book... I'm in a better mood, and looking forward to a future I don't dread.
My advice to anyone walking a similar path, figure out what you need to take care of your own self, talk with your S.O. to come up with a plan, then do it.
Last edited by GotHereQuickAsICould; 02-21-2023 at 05:54 AM..
Your advice to take care of myself continues to be a blessing.
Realizing I dreaded the future, I decided to change it. We moved to a one-level home, remodeled the bathrooms, etc. It was a ton of work, but worth it.
Husband is recovering from his hip replacement a year ago. He's moving slow, but moving. He will likely need knee replacement surgery one of these days, but for now, the shots are keeping him going.
Now that I am no longer running up and down stairs all day, bringing him his knee brace, his water, his book... I'm in a better mood, and looking forward to a future I don't dread.
My advice to anyone walking a similar path, figure out what you need to take care of your own self, talk with your S.O. to come up with a plan, then do it.
I'm glad to hear you're doing much better!
So you guys will get a kick out of this (hopefully). I love cats. DH doesn't but he knows they make me happy. So after 2 1/2 years of not having a cat, I decided to adopt one. I volunteered at the shelter but they had mostly kittens and the adult cats usually had some issues. I ended up adopting one from a lady on Nextdoor who found a stray but couldn't keep her. I met her and she seemed like a lovely cat so I took her home. Well, this cat has more medical problems than Carter has pills. She has feline IBS and severe allergies. She needs to be on a very (expensive) restrictive diet to control her IBS and her I'm still trying to figure out what to do about controlling her allergies since she has bitten or chewed off large amounts of fur.
So instead of getting me a furry little companion to make me happy, I now have a medically challenged cat as well as a medically challenged husband.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
and looking forward to a future I don't dread.
