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Very informative. it also helps that he is loath to cause his kids unhappiness, reasons to cry; it seems to stop him in his tracks if we bring up the fact that he is scaring us, making us sad. Then he starts to apologize for being a bad father. It feels manipulative (if true) to say this to him, but we've had to say it to him this weekend.
This is out of his control though. He can't help it. He is a wonderful father, and so caring.
Hi Herringbone, I'm a full time caregiver for my 96 year old Mom who has vascular dementia. Yes, sometimes she hallucinates and has delusions which is normal and I hug her and give her kisses to comfort her. The human touch is very important. Once her hallucinations were really bad (not the normal ones) and she did end up having a UTI so watch out for that.
I have been taking care of her for 6 years now (I moved her in with me from out of state). I saw the signs of dementia and I knew I had to do something which is why I moved her in with me. I had promised her before she became sick that I would never put her in a nursing home when she became older. I have never regretted taking care of my Mom because she is one of the sweetest people I know and not demanding at all.
As much as her mind is broken she is still able to play cards with me and most of the time she wins!
That said, you have gotten excellent advice from others and I just wanted to say that you and your family sound so loving and caring. Please take one day at a time as that's all we can really do. Take a deep breath and try to calm down as much as you can. I understand the shock of realizing when a loved one becomes sick and they are not themselves. I miss my "old" mom so very much.
Hugs!
I'm glad you told me about your Mother... I'm trying to hold fast to the idea that these kind of situations don't always have to have unhappy endings if kindness, tolerance and loyalty can stand firm. I love playing cards too, spades especially.
Thank you everyone for your kind wishes and internet hugs, as well as your own experiences and information shared generously with me.
This was a tough weekend for us. Saturday, my younger sister asked my older sister and I to bring our Father to her house to get together with her family; she wanted her children to spend some time with their pawpaw. This may have been ill-advised as he seems to do better with fewer people around him. We did go, and after 2/3 hours when all was going well, he had a, what his primary doctor called a psychotic episode.
We were all on the back deck relaxing when suddenly he sprinted (who knew he could move so fast) down the stairs and around to the front of the house. We chased him as younger sister's husband quickly moved the children into the house. When we caught up with him, he pushed younger sister down to the ground and said, Get away ma'am, run, they told me they are coming and I have to save my own family.
He couldn't recognize us and was very afraid and didn't want us to touch him. Long story... fbi, communicating telepathically with good and bad groups of people that wanted to take over the world. Got thru to primary dr who recommended that we admit him to a psych ward to stabilize him, etc. We did, to the best one we could find. Hours of waiting for intake, 6 hours to be exact before we left him there at 1:48 this morning. He had calmed down by that point, recognized us and said he wanted to be there and signed the paperwork voluntarily. He tried to hug all three of us at the same time before we left him there. Lots of crying afterward on our part. But I think we are slowly starting to toughen up and realize that what the poster- Germain?- said about this being a marathon and not a sprint is very true and that we will have to continue to do the best for him, always, no matter how hard because I DID NOT want to leave him there.
Today, we have spoken to the nurses several times. He seems to be doing well and has been spending time in the break room, watching tv and eating very robustly. One nurse said he was 'sweet,' and 'very chill.'
He called all 3 of us today at different times, wanting to know our addresses. He is under the impression he can call uber/lyft and leave, and come to us. We all 3 gently have told him it is only for right now, until we can get his meds sorted out and then we'll come get him. When he called me, and I reminded him that I loved him and would never do anything bad, but just for him to wait a little while to get his meds straightened out... he said... yes, yes, yes... you love me so give me your address right now.... then I heard him handing the phone to someone, probably a nurse, and telling her... this is someone impersonating my child, ridiculous...
Laugh or cry or both? We'll speak to his dr there tomorrow after my Father is seen, and go from there. Meanwhile, he still has a slew of other appointments coming up, hopefully they will shed more light and give us more direction in the upcoming days.
I'm so sorry this happened. How perfectly dreadful for all of you. I hope they can get to the bottom of this for everyone's sake. But I'm glad they admitted him, which must be a big relief for you folks.
Oh dear, I'm so sorry herringbone. My mother was always a difficult person, so when she got frontal lobe dementia (a mild case) I couldn't tell whether she was just being difficult or in an episode. Prayers and good thoughts for you and your family.
I'm also sorry Herringbone, I would have felt heartbroken and helpless, not a good feeling and knowing myself I would have cried which is healthy for me. Letting out all those feelings of frustration, fears, confusion, etc.
With my Mom there are certain "triggers" and one of them is she doesn't like being around a lot of people. It causes her anxiety and she prefers to be alone or with me. She was never a social person even before she got dementia but it's worse now.
Quiet is the one of the best medicines for my Mom and it helps keep her calm, maybe it's the same with your Dad. Too much stimulation isn't healthy for anyone.
Please keep us updated on how your Dad is doing okay?
Absolutely. I read that back in 2016, and had been using the walmart version of Benadryl (diphenhydramine) for sleep for a long time. I was dismayed because it worked, so had to wean myself off of it. I have to save it for my sagebrush allergies in the fall, and only take 1/2 tab at night. After that I quit again till the next year. Shouldn't even take that much. I need to save what is left of my brain, haha.
"Benadryl and Simply Sleep (diphenhydramine): These OTC drugs are available without a prescription to relieve allergy symptoms or insomnia; they can cause mental impairment, sleep cycle interruptions, urinary retention, constipation and blurred visions in older adults."
List of Anticholinergic Drugs and Why Some of Them are Dangerous for Seniors
Yes, diphenhydramine is really the only antihistamine that I can take that does NOT make me climb the walls at night. I have the opposite reaction to most of them - they don't make me sleepy, instead they keep me wide awake. Once I discovered that, I have taken diphenhydramine when I needed something to help me sleep. Not often though, not even once a month. Thankfully I sleep pretty well!
My mother took Benadryl every night, for at least a year (maybe even longer) help her sleep. In May of 2020, she started becoming confused and really not herself. (There were other issues too, she was on dialysis and just having some serious mobility issues but she had always been sharp as a tack - ALWAYS). It came and went for a few days, and then she settled into a very confused "not herself" state. Wound up in the hospital, screaming and we seriously though she had lost her mind somehow. They ran test after test after test...and she was in the hospital for WEEKS while they tried to find out what was going on...and finally one doctor decided to stop the Benadryl. It was like magic. Within just a few days, she was her old self, mentally.
Doc said that there was evidence that sometimes in the elderly, the body will start metabolizing a drug differently, and Benadryl had been linked to increased dementia. She never took it again, and though she sadly passed away in August that year, at least when she went, she was clear-headed.
That's not just with the elderly. I used to take Unisom or Children's Benadryl every night which is the same class of ingredient, for years I took it. Then read about a study out of Harvard, then other sources, that show a pretty clear link between that class of drugs (basically antihistamines) taken long-term and early onset dementia. I stopped taking it but was upset that it probably already did damage.
That's not just with the elderly. I used to take Unisom or Children's Benadryl every night which is the same class of ingredient, for years I took it. Then read about a study out of Harvard, then other sources, that show a pretty clear link between that class of drugs (basically antihistamines) taken long-term and early onset dementia. I stopped taking it but was upset that it probably already did damage.
A medication that one has taken for years, with no issues, can be metabolized differently once one reaches an elderly age. This can happen with other medications too. That was my point. Medications should always be reviewed when sudden changes occur like the OPs situation.
Yes, diphenhydramine is really the only antihistamine that I can take that does NOT make me climb the walls at night. I have the opposite reaction to most of them - they don't make me sleepy, instead they keep me wide awake. Once I discovered that, I have taken diphenhydramine when I needed something to help me sleep. Not often though, not even once a month. Thankfully I sleep pretty well!
I've had that same problem too. Things like Niquil used to make me sleep, but then they did a 180, and kept me awake instead. Not the desired result, lol.
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