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Old 11-26-2022, 09:51 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
She is having chemotherapy. I am shocked that she has agreed to it. She is also having a stem cell transplant. Agreed to that, also.

Actually, I think she is having it because she expects to be cured.

I know there have been many strides made since the advent of stem cell transplants used with chemotherapy. My sister is between stage 11 and 111. There are only 3 stages of multiple myeloma. She is also significantly underweight. Her Dr. told me it doesn't look good, and she doesn't have much time. She isn't telling my sister because she has told her that she doesn't want to hear anything "negative" or "pertaining to death".

It's interesting about your friend's diagnosis of bipolar disorder. I did read something about a correlation between serious psychiatric illnesses and multiple myeloma. I will look for it.
It's not uncommon at all for cancer patients to rally the troops, print tee shirts and all pray to beat their particular cancer, even if that just means a longer life, not a cure. Her positive thinking may help as a placebo effect and give her a few more years. She's not totally in denial or she wouldn't have agreed to the doctor's recommended treatments. I wouldn't fault her for still being positive at this point.

I'm a bit surprised the doctor said she doesn't have much time, if that's the case, why would they even approve chemo/stem cell transplants?
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Old 11-26-2022, 10:42 AM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,007 posts, read 83,827,560 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraG View Post
It's not uncommon at all for cancer patients to rally the troops, print tee shirts and all pray to beat their particular cancer, even if that just means a longer life, not a cure. Her positive thinking may help as a placebo effect and give her a few more years. She's not totally in denial or she wouldn't have agreed to the doctor's recommended treatments. I wouldn't fault her for still being positive at this point.

I'm a bit surprised the doctor said she doesn't have much time, if that's the case, why would they even approve chemo/stem cell transplants?
Sometimes they might if the patient wants. A friend of mine with advanced ovarian cancer was advised by one doctor to quit chemo and go on palliative care in June. She wanted to keep going as long as possible for the sake of her dog. Another doctor said he would give her chemo as long as she wanted it. She finally landed in the hospital after a fall at home and died there in early September.
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Old 11-26-2022, 12:08 PM
 
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I recall a woman with a stage III cancer being upset the doctors would only talk about survivorship and not cure so she found a doc to go along with her and speak in terms of seeking cure. It's been years and she is still here, although she has had recurrences and is surviving and living with cancer. She just really needed to hear optimism and positivity to motivate her and her doctor was willing to do that. To me it seems wrong because it isn't supported by facts but if an individual needs that in order to have strength to fight the disease and keep positive then it is helping the patient.
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Old 11-26-2022, 09:23 PM
Status: "I'm turquoise happy!" (set 23 days ago)
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
23,872 posts, read 32,141,209 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraG View Post
It's not uncommon at all for cancer patients to rally the troops, print tee shirts and all pray to beat their particular cancer, even if that just means a longer life, not a cure. Her positive thinking may help as a placebo effect and give her a few more years. She's not totally in denial or she wouldn't have agreed to the doctor's recommended treatments. I wouldn't fault her for still being positive at this point.

I'm a bit surprised the doctor said she doesn't have much time, if that's the case, why would they even approve chemo/stem cell transplants?
A year or 2 with the treatment. Maybe slightly more.

I am not faulting her for anything. I would want to know everything. She wants to know nothing. She is not realistic. That's part of her personality disorder. It isn't healthy to tell your doctor, an oncologist that you "only want to hear good things".
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Old 11-26-2022, 09:27 PM
Status: "I'm turquoise happy!" (set 23 days ago)
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
23,872 posts, read 32,141,209 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
I recall a woman with a stage III cancer being upset the doctors would only talk about survivorship and not cure so she found a doc to go along with her and speak in terms of seeking cure. It's been years and she is still here, although she has had recurrences and is surviving and living with cancer. She just really needed to hear optimism and positivity to motivate her and her doctor was willing to do that. To me it seems wrong because it isn't supported by facts but if an individual needs that in order to have strength to fight the disease and keep positive then it is helping the patient.
"At some point, the "positivity" will clash with the truth". Her oncologist's words. I agree.

My sister's doctor is going along with her demands.
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Old 11-26-2022, 10:06 PM
Status: "I'm turquoise happy!" (set 23 days ago)
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
23,872 posts, read 32,141,209 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by evening sun View Post
Offering hugs. Let her know you are there for her. Her bf sounds useless. I think the cancer society offers rides to treatments if she starts to feel too tired to drive.
I appreciate the hugs. You and one other, Tamajane noticed the useless bf. He began a successful rock night club in the late 60s. It lasted 30 years or so. He tried to re-open it, but the need for a rock 'n roll night club in a suburb of NYC was no longer there. Demographics had changed. This was supported by facts.

He was once likeable, now he's angry and selfish. He would have been a help ten or twenty years ago.

Yes! I cave called the cancer society! I didn't know they did this, but they do.

I called her to ask if I could give them her number and she shouted "NO! The AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY? WHY??? I am NOT EFF-ING (insert real word) DYING! I CAN DRIVE!" I calmed her down and said many people feel tired after chemo and any help you can get is a good thing. You may as well avail yourself of it."

She rambled on and said that she wanted nothing to do with "EFFING" death or cancer. I said I was sorry.

She texted me that she was sorry the next day.
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Old 11-26-2022, 10:15 PM
 
Location: Elsewhere
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As you know, a borderline fears abandonment and then does their damndest to try to get you to abandon them. I know it's hard to detach emotionally from someone you care about, but for your own sanity you probably have to practice doing that when you are interacting with her.

There is a book called Walking On Eggshells that helps one to deal with people who have BPD.
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Old 11-26-2022, 11:59 PM
 
Location: Canada
7,646 posts, read 5,416,804 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
I called her to ask if I could give them her number and she shouted "NO! The AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY? WHY??? I am NOT EFF-ING (insert real word) DYING! I CAN DRIVE!" I calmed her down and said many people feel tired after chemo and any help you can get is a good thing. You may as well avail yourself of it."

She rambled on and said that she wanted nothing to do with "EFFING" death or cancer. I said I was sorry.

She texted me that she was sorry the next day.
A steroid called dexamethasone is commonly prescribed to Myeloma patients undergoing treatment. It supposedly enhances the effectiveness of whatever chemo drug is being given.

Side effects of dexamethasone can include hyperactivity, irritability, anxiety, or insomnia. The side effect wears off within a day or two… until the next time it is taken.

Last edited by cdnirene; 11-27-2022 at 12:11 AM..
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Old 11-27-2022, 01:44 AM
Status: "I'm turquoise happy!" (set 23 days ago)
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
23,872 posts, read 32,141,209 times
Reputation: 67737
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
As you know, a borderline fears abandonment and then does their damndest to try to get you to abandon them. I know it's hard to detach emotionally from someone you care about, but for your own sanity you probably have to practice doing that when you are interacting with her.

There is a book called Walking On Eggshells that helps one to deal with people who have BPD.
I own that book, and yes, it is very helpful. Thank you, MQ.
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Old 11-27-2022, 07:07 AM
 
19,371 posts, read 12,020,462 times
Reputation: 26098
I think we are getting a better picture. It sounds like the SO kind of gave up on life after having some earlier success. Maybe he is depressed. Whatever it is he can't really help your sis much.

And she is in some good denial but at least she is taking recommended treatment. If it is just words she needs to keep going and the doctor has agreed to go along and not talk to her about certain things then it looks like you are the one that will be in the know. She is living her life now and getting treatment and that is what is important. If you want to keep talking to the doc and stay on top of what is happening then you will at least have the information you need to support your sister throughout her illness. Not that it will be easy with a borderline but it is totally up to you how involved you feel you should be.
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