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A living trust avoids a lot of complications in probate but there is still a probate period. The OP needs an estate planning attorney right now and will not need a probate attorney until after her mother passes away. It is possible that the same attorney or law office can handle both issues but that would need to be discovered in the search.
OP when your mother passes away that's when the clock starts ticking on the probate (actually after the death certificate is obtained and papers are filed with the Probate Court).
You should be able to stay in the house until probate is completed. Probate could be 6 months to a year depending on the laws in your particular state. You can also stipulate a certain number of days allowed to get the house on the market after probate is finished. The probate period can be utilized to make any necessary repairs and maintenance before putting the house on the market.
You and your siblings will likely want to put the house on the market as soon as possible after probate is completed in order to get the estate matters wound up and the various beneficiary amounts disbursed.
Obviously, it's a good time to review your mother's will with her to make sure that her wishes haven't changed and if they have note those in a revision. Again it would be good to let your siblings know what is in the will. Some people don't like doing that but I know of cases where it just makes things easier, including my own.
Thanks. That's kinda of what I'm thinking it might cost. If I can just get the cost to stay around that, I'd be ok.
In my head I'm thinking I'd have so many questions and spend so much time on the phone that in the end I might get charged at least 10,000. I prefer just to get charged a percent so I don't give it a second thought to pick up the phone and ask a question or feel rushed when I do talk to them. 300-400.00 an hour scares me when I think of all the questions and help I'd need.
Mom is 86 1/2. She is for the most part healthy now...working in the yard each day and she is still driving and going out with her friends to eat, etc....but she is slowing down by taking more naps and resting more. I just want to get all my ducks in a row so I can get most of the stress off of me now. If I can find someone now I trust to be attoney to the will and can add an amendment/codicil and not charge an arm and a leg and is good at what they do, I'll be happy and that will be stress off of me.
Do you have anyone in the area you can ask who they used? A recommendation is always good. We were going to try to do it all ourselves, but with the COVID mess and having to pay the bills ourselves because we couldn't file the will, my sister and I decided to look for a lawyer. We found a couple of names and lucked out by picking the right one, the one who was working with the courts to figure out what to do with the huge backlog that had built up. But, estates were his specialty, and he had been in business in the area for more than 30 years, so we figured he had to know what he was doing.
It probably is a good idea to get it in writing that you can stay in the house until it sold. I think there was a case of a City-Data poster whose relative changed all the locks on the parents' house and they couldn't get in. People do dirty things when they think they can get money.
Consider, if it's allowed in your state, having your Mom add you and your siblings to the house to the as a POD. If your Mother has beneficiaries listed for everything you might get around doing any probate. You still want something in writing stipulating how many months you can remain in the house after her death.
Make sure you and siblings have your names on her checking account, too (it is often overlooked). You don't have to have your names on the checks but make sure you and siblings are beneficiaries listed on the bank document. They never ask you when you open a checking account for beneficiary info and people forget this small detail that can cost thousands later on during probate.
Obviously, it's a good time to review your mother's will with her to make sure that her wishes haven't changed and if they have note those in a revision. Again it would be good to let your siblings know what is in the will. Some people don't like doing that but I know of cases where it just makes things easier, including my own.
I agree let everyone know what's in the will. No secrets.
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Originally Posted by coolgato
Make sure you and siblings have your names on her checking account, too (it is often overlooked). You don't have to have your names on the checks but make sure you and siblings are beneficiaries listed on the bank document. They never ask you when you open a checking account for beneficiary info and people forget this small detail that can cost thousands later on during probate.
Be careful. My grandmother had joint accounts with her children. Unfortunately, one of them raided her account. If you are the only executor, your name should be on her account. Make sure you keep all her financial records in order. I sent copies of monthly banks statements to my sister.
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Originally Posted by diddlydudette
I am thinking of taking pics of all the furniture and asking my brother and sister to pick out which pieces they may want. They are more than welcome to stop by and look at everything. If 2 want the same piece, maybe they can work it out or compromise. I want to put names on the pieces now so at least that is done and I can put the history behind each piece while mom is alive. I've already got my name on some pieces and my brother, while here Christmas suggested some items he would want so hopefully that goes well. I already have my things in storage for the past 2 plus years and I have all I need but I still would want some things with a history for memory sake but I don't need a lot.
Make a word document of furniture/belongs of who asked for what. Send the printed list to your siblings. When it's all on paper, it makes it real for your siblings. Every time something new is added to the list, send a NEW updated copy to each sibling. If they are going to bicker about a piece of furniture or dinner plates, it's better to do it now.
It all sounds like a massive pain, but paper trails will save you from future tears and resentments.
I prepaid my mother's funeral costs. I picked out her funeral arrangements including her prayer cards. Everything was done six months in advance and it was a huge help! Let your siblings know.
I agree let everyone know what's in the will. No secrets.
If you are the only executor, your name should be on her account. Make sure you keep all her financial records in order. I sent copies of monthly banks statements to my sister.
This is actually state dependent. Here in PA when a will is filed and the names executor confirmed by the court, the executor is bound to change the decedents’ financial accounts over to estate accounts with new account numbers. The accounts are named like “John Smith Estate†and the executor is only a signatory - their name does not appear on checks, statements, etc.
This is actually state dependent. Here in PA when a will is filed and the names executor confirmed by the court, the executor is bound to change the decedents’ financial accounts over to estate accounts with new account numbers. The accounts are named like “John Smith Estate†and the executor is only a signatory - their name does not appear on checks, statements, etc.
It's the same in Florida unless the executor is listed on the bank accounts as an alternate signatory prior to her passing. To the OP, you seem to have a very good grasp of what will be required when your Mom passes. I do agree that asking your siblings if there are specific home goods they would want. If your Mom has any fine jewelry, now would be a good time to discuss that. Start by asking your Mom if there is any jewelry she wants to go to any specific person.
These are questions I wished I had thought of to ask while mom and I were at her attorneys as she finalized the will, but now time has passed and I'm trying to get things figured out and get organized.
The attorney, that my mom selected, created the will for her. If I need a probate attorney, do I go with the attorney that wrote the will or find someone different? I have heard some people say it is best to hire someone that didn't do the will. Is that true? What are the disadvantages of doing that?
I am getting ready to select a lawyer now so at least I'll have that ahead of time. When I go for the first time, I imagine I'll be paying by the hour just to meet with one. Is that something I'll have to pay out of my pocket? I would think I'd have to pay that up front.
How does the attorney get paid? Do they just take a percentage of the estate's value and this will come out of the estate in the end? Or is it best to pay hourly? I'll need one to help me all along the way because this is my first time of doing this and I'll need my hand held.
Does the Executor of the will get paid? My state is SC. If they get paid, how is this determined? There is no mention of any extra pay in the will.
My mom asked me to move in with her a couple of years ago. She is in her 80s and she just feels better having someone with her. I grocery shop for her, take care of the yard and some other things. I have 2 other siblings that are named in the will. When the time comes, and since I am now living in her house with her, will I have to be out of the house as soon as possible or can I stay here until the house is sold? Is that something that needs to be stipulated in the will? At the time of the will getting finalized, I was not living with her. I prefer to stay in her house and clean up things and get the house ready for selling and getting appraised. I think it's best to have someone in the house instead of leaving it empty.
I know I'd have to pay all the utility bills while staying here out of my pocket and I'd more than likely need to pay house insurance and taxes out of my pocket also. Anyone have a similar situation as a caregiver?
This is going to be very stressful especially since I've never been through this. And I'll already have to deal with the loss of a parent. Sure these are all questions to ask an attorney, but if you can share how you dealt with things and how things worked out for you, that would be great. Sometimes hearing what others experienced can be very helpful. I want to know what to beware of and what to make sure I do.
Any helpful tips or suggestions would be much appreciated. Thanks so much.
Are you working or did you quit a job to care for your mother?
My opinion is that you need to find your own attorney now, which means you will pay them. You need to speak to them about your questions on whether you can stay in the house or not because you want to protect yourself in case your siblings get greedy or bossy. Death changes people. I can't count how many people I know got screwed over by their siblings after caring for their parent(s).
Once you speak to your own attorney, then you'd need to take mom back to her attorney to get it written into her will whether you can still live in the house or not and who is paying the house bills such as taxes and utilities. You do not want surprises now after pausing your own life to care for your mother.
I have friends who were thrown out of their parents house after living there 10+ years caring for the parent. One had to quit their job to care for the parent, in my opinion, they should have gotten a larger percent of the estate because of all of the money they lost by not working but they did not because they did not think to have their mother do that.
I believe their mothers estate paid for their rental when the siblings told him to vacate the house for sale, then whatever money was fronted to him, it came out of his share of the estate when the house sold. My friend then had to try to find a job after not working 10+ years which was not easy. They had to join a temp agency in order to get their feet wet with working so that they can pick up their accounting career again. This is someone who quit a good job at Disney to care for their mother. It took them 2 years to find a job that was not through the temp agency. I'm not sure if he's been able to build his life up before he is old enough to retire. I believe he's about 62 now.
You don't know how long your mother will live. My son's great grandmother lived to 6 days shy of her 108th birthday. She had been living in an assisted living facility that had all levels of options for elderly people, from living in an apartment on their own to nursing care. Gram lived on her own until her daughter passed a few years before her own death. She never expected to live that long.
You really have to walk a fine line while your mother is living, especially if giving her jewelry or possessions away. Mom needs to be on the same page that she understands she is getting older, that this is being done so that there is no fighting over stuff later.
I have not spoken to my siblings in 17 years since my dad died. I was the one always helping him, I paused my own life when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. One sibling hadn't spoken to my parents in 10+ years, refused to make peace when dad was diagnosed, they also wrote a poison letter saying he deserved cancer; she got left $10k while my other sibling and I split up the rest with my son getting a part too as he also helped my dad. There was a bunch of drama after the poison letter, she came back into his life 2 weeks before he died, the 2 siblings had his will rewritten behind my back. In the end, they harassed me for 2 years to step down as executor/trustee which cost me a lot of money. I ended up walking away, legally am not entitled to the estate if it doesn't get drained by my mother.
Are you working or did you quit a job to care for your mother?
My opinion is that you need to find your own attorney now, which means you will pay them. You need to speak to them about your questions on whether you can stay in the house or not because you want to protect yourself in case your siblings get greedy or bossy. Death changes people. I can't count how many people I know got screwed over by their siblings after caring for their parent(s).
Once you speak to your own attorney, then you'd need to take mom back to her attorney to get it written into her will whether you can still live in the house or not and who is paying the house bills such as taxes and utilities. You do not want surprises now after pausing your own life to care for your mother.
I have friends who were thrown out of their parents house after living there 10+ years caring for the parent. One had to quit their job to care for the parent, in my opinion, they should have gotten a larger percent of the estate because of all of the money they lost by not working but they did not because they did not think to have their mother do that.
I believe their mothers estate paid for their rental when the siblings told him to vacate the house for sale, then whatever money was fronted to him, it came out of his share of the estate when the house sold. My friend then had to try to find a job after not working 10+ years which was not easy. They had to join a temp agency in order to get their feet wet with working so that they can pick up their accounting career again. This is someone who quit a good job at Disney to care for their mother. It took them 2 years to find a job that was not through the temp agency. I'm not sure if he's been able to build his life up before he is old enough to retire. I believe he's about 62 now.
You don't know how long your mother will live. My son's great grandmother lived to 6 days shy of her 108th birthday. She had been living in an assisted living facility that had all levels of options for elderly people, from living in an apartment on their own to nursing care. Gram lived on her own until her daughter passed a few years before her own death. She never expected to live that long.
You really have to walk a fine line while your mother is living, especially if giving her jewelry or possessions away. Mom needs to be on the same page that she understands she is getting older, that this is being done so that there is no fighting over stuff later.
I have not spoken to my siblings in 17 years since my dad died. I was the one always helping him, I paused my own life when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. One sibling hadn't spoken to my parents in 10+ years, refused to make peace when dad was diagnosed, they also wrote a poison letter saying he deserved cancer; she got left $10k while my other sibling and I split up the rest with my son getting a part too as he also helped my dad. There was a bunch of drama after the poison letter, she came back into his life 2 weeks before he died, the 2 siblings had his will rewritten behind my back. In the end, they harassed me for 2 years to step down as executor/trustee which cost me a lot of money. I ended up walking away, legally am not entitled to the estate if it doesn't get drained by my mother.
Thanks for your response and so sorry you had to go through what you did. Wow.
What I don't understand is why I need my own lawyer different from the one that did the will. What is my own different attorney going to do for me that the one that did the will can't do? Woudln't the person that did up the will know better about the will written?
The lawyer that wrote up the will said she would help me if I needed it after mom died. I liked her so why would it not be in my best interest just to use her. Why exactly should I need to use a different one? Mom is ok with me adding in her will that I live there until house is sold.
I don't think mom's will is that involved. In the will it states I can sign any checking accts, etc that she has. We made sure of that. It's just me being able to sign. I don't think it would be a good idea to allow all 3 kids to have access to her checking acct. Even though it's in the will, we will go to her bank and make sure I'm on her acct and can sign for her. Mom even suggested that.
Mom has already stipulated in the will who gets jewelry, silver, etc. The stocks are already in each of our names upon death. Only thing really we have left is the house. Brother is going to buy us out and he will live here.
So really the only thing I worry about is the lawyer and payment and how that works and getting added in the will that I can stay in the house until it is sold. I never understood why it is a disadvantage to use the lawyer that mom went to to have the will done.
When a person dies, doesn't the estate still pay for home insurance and taxes until things are settled? If I have to pay, that's fine. House is already paid for. I was thinking I'd just pay utilities and cable. I'd be there to clean up and get things ready to sell or to divide.
Oh well, it's already stressing me out. Thanks for all the advise. I really need to get on the stick and get to the lawyers to get this thing added and to ask about what bills will come out of my pocket to stay in the house.
Last edited by diddlydudette; 01-06-2023 at 06:41 PM..
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