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Old 02-13-2007, 08:45 PM
 
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Does any one here care for an elderly parent whereas they made accomodations in their home for their parent to move in?
I'm thinking of putting an extension on my house so that my Mom can live with me. I feel it would be the right thing to do. I can keep an eye on her and take care of her and she wouldn't have to be alone in her later years.
I don't want to see her in one of those assisted living places and they are so expensive too. I have a nice yard with a pool. She can even garden if she likes.

Does anyone here care to share their experiences with their new living arrangements?
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Old 02-13-2007, 09:02 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYTom View Post
Does any one here care for an elderly parent whereas they made accomodations in their home for their parent to move in?
I'm thinking of putting an extension on my house so that my Mom can live with me. I feel it would be the right thing to do. I can keep an eye on her and take care of her and she wouldn't have to be alone in her later years.
I don't want to see her in one of those assisted living places and they are so expensive too. I have a nice yard with a pool. She can even garden if she likes.

Does anyone here care to share their experiences with their new living arrangements?
My mom lives alone..she does fine, I however keep an eye on her, stop in etc. The problem is I am moving from NJ to AZ in June. I want her to come with me, she will not give up her independence. She is almost 80, I am feeling so guilty about leaving her here. She just does not want to live with me. Does your mom want to live with you?
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Old 02-13-2007, 09:07 PM
 
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I am also doing this for both my parents, they are 77 and 81. Maintaining a home is getting to be too much for them, and I want to keep a better eye on them too. I have my house for sale right now in hopes of finding one where it will be suitable to add on. I'm still not sure I'm doing the right thing as I have been doing so much reaearch and still have no idea where we will move to if our house sells. I also have 2 teenage daughters to consider in this mix. I am planning on building a ground floor addition of about 700 sq. ft. with wider doors and a handicap accessible bath. I'll also put into consideration, some extra layers of drywall for soundproofing as my Dad's hearing isn't the best and he plays the TV loud.
I'd also like to hear how this worked for others and any suggestions they have to offer.
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Old 02-13-2007, 09:44 PM
 
4,839 posts, read 5,882,567 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by milliebfit View Post
My mom lives alone..she does fine, I however keep an eye on her, stop in etc. The problem is I am moving from NJ to AZ in June. I want her to come with me, she will not give up her independence. She is almost 80, I am feeling so guilty about leaving her here. She just does not want to live with me. Does your mom want to live with you?

She would like to live with me, it's just that whole peice of her giving up her independence. I guess you have to be of that age to fully know what that really means. Sure it's easy for us to say " Ma come live with us"

It's takes a lot always having to go to her house to check on her I would rest better knowing she was with me here.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:17 PM
 
Location: West Central Florida
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My Mom moved in with us after my Dad passed away 6 years ago. (She is legally blind, living by herself was difficult). A few months after she moved in, we started on the construction project with the help of a neighbor who was a general contractor. We added an addition to the house, which consists of a large bedroom, huge walk-in closet, and a really nice large bathroom, everything handicap accessible. We hired a great architect who designed the space very well. The living arrangements have worked out fine, she's happy and I sleep better at night knowing she's ok!
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:53 PM
 
Location: Happy wherever I am - Florida now
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My mother and I live together too. We had built houses next to each other when my dad was alive. I built a four story transitional and they built a ranch, fitted out for the elderly, with a finished walk-out basement.

I moved in with her after my father died and I lost my house in divorce. She didn't want to live in the country by herself as she no longer drives. It works out fine with each of us having our own half of the house, she's up and I'm down. Both levels have their own decks and own kitchens (no stove in mine and only a half bath though). I avoid cooking in her kitchen as it's a lot more cluttered than I keep mine so my microwave gets a workout and I have to shower upstairs. It would have been nice to have her at my home as I also had a finished basement. Oh well.

There's no way she could have moved anywhere else considering the amount of 'stuff' she has, antiques and dozens of everything. Besides, she has way more money than I do and pays all the expenses, and she's very pleasant. My brother oversees her bills and my sister takes her shopping. I take her for medical things.

The only problem for me is if I were to get married or move away. None of my other siblings have houses big enough to accomodate her nor would they move to one, and she can't be alone because of physical communication disabilities. I've been here ten years.

Last edited by Sgoldie; 02-13-2007 at 11:08 PM..
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Old 02-14-2007, 03:29 PM
 
Location: Missouri
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Good for you! I work with disabled senior citizens...there is often no better option than to have them live with family. Assisted livings are very expensive and the better ones generally have long waiting lists. Nursing homes are disgusting; it is generally a choice between bad and worse. There are very few that provide truly good care. Your mother is so blessed to have you to consider her needs...unfortunately in today's society, our seniors are often left to themselves because no one wants to take the time to think of them.
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Old 02-14-2007, 09:23 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
985 posts, read 2,655,347 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYTom View Post
She would like to live with me, it's just that whole peice of her giving up her independence. I guess you have to be of that age to fully know what that really means. Sure it's easy for us to say " Ma come live with us"

It's takes a lot always having to go to her house to check on her I would rest better knowing she was with me here.
I know what you are saying about going to there house all the time to check in on them. It is so difficult when your parents are older. My mom hates when she thinks I am treating her like one of my kids. I just worry.
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Old 02-14-2007, 09:36 PM
 
Location: Happy wherever I am - Florida now
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I know, I saw my favorite aunt deteriorate in a nursing home for 10 years. It seemed like the best decision at the time. She had two sons, only one of which lived near her, and he traveled for work. It was very sad.

Makes me wonder what will happen to me. I have two sons too, both of whom are busy with careers.
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Old 02-14-2007, 10:11 PM
 
Location: Chemnitz, Germany previous in AZ, CA, AL, NJ,
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NYTom, I have wrestled with this topic alot. My Mom in 84 and in pretty good health right now, living in Tucson, AZ. She likes living in her house, and there are some other family members nearby. Plus she has lots of friends there and seems to do OK.

My stepfather (her husband) died a little over a year ago, and although it took awhile for my Mom to get past the grief, it also left her more at ease and at peace with things. My stepfather struggled to live the last two years of his life after surviving a stroke, and it drained a lot from my Mom to take care of him. So much so that she ended up in the hospital and a rehab center for about a month shortly before my stepfather died. I stayed at their house and took care of my stepfather in the last month of his life until he had to go to a hospice in his final few days.

One of the main things for older relatives is to make sure not only they are safe, but that they have plenty to do so they don't get bored. One reason my mom is doing OK is she lives in a nice senior citizen community that is loaded with activities. She likes having things to do around the house, cooking, running errands to keep connected with the outside world instead of just sitting around the house. She gets help from a housekeeper a couple of times a month and a monthly gardener visit (don't need much yard upkeep in AZ). I visit there 4 or 5 times a year, and am due to go over to AZ in a couple of weeks. I just avoid the place from June to Sept because the heat there does a number on me.

Course all this could change at any time if things take a bad turn (need to thing positive). I need to come up with a plan B, and it isn't easy cause I don't live down the street or across town from my mom. I live in a little apartment with lots of stairs so this wouldn't work. My job is here in CA, not in AZ and I really don't want to live there. What to do?

NYTom, you are a genuine good person to be exploring all the options and your Mom is lucky and happy to know there is someone who really cares.
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