Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Pets > Cats
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-18-2010, 06:41 PM
 
92 posts, read 112,488 times
Reputation: 94

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marylandkitten View Post
Wow guys ... I totally snapped.

I'm posting the link below on an add for a black cat in craigslist that I stumbled upon today. Read it, then read my response, then please, for pete's sake, help me understand why I went completely postal on this add's writer. I usually pass without comment. (and if the picture doesn't show up, it's this teeny black kitten perching on the end of a floral patterned cushion, curiously looking up at the camera.) I didn't say half of what I wanted to, but I surprised even myself, with how far I went. I am very angry today!

2 year old Black Cat (http://annapolis.craigslist.org/pet/1847272471.html - broken link)


Pretty all black 3 year old female cat. She is really sweet and loves to cuddle. We have to get rid of her because our toddler is too rough with her and she scratches her back. free to good home.
This is an older picture of her since we didn't take many more pictures of the her after our daughter was born.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _



Haven't taken any pictures of her since your child was born? Hope you still remembered to feed the little thing at least.

Wow.. how about you discipline your rough and pushy child, instead of punishing your "sweet and cuddly" cat for retaliating in self defense. No wait, it's easier to hand it off to some stranger to use as bait in a dog fight. Long as you don't know how she ends up, you don't have to feel guilty over ditching her when it became inconvenient for you, right?

I hope you find her a new home as soon as possible. From the sounds of it, anything would be a step up right now.
When this doesn't work, steel yourself for dropping her off at the pound. And keep telling yourself she'll find a nice loving home in no time flat. Yeah. Along with the rest of the millions of loving companions that have been abandoned, that die alone of heartbreak or untreated diseases, long before shelter-deathrow kicks in.

It doesn't matter how committed you are to being a pet owner when it's an easy ride. Only when obstacles find their way into your busy world are your strengths and loyalties truly tested. You have failed the life of this little kitty that put her trust into you without knowing any better.

Please get rid of her as soon as humanly possible. I wouldn't want to see you passing these callous tendencies along to your offspring by any irresponsible influence.

You were much too polite to these people.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-18-2010, 07:07 PM
 
1,354 posts, read 4,076,287 times
Reputation: 1286
Quote:
Originally Posted by Garden of Eden View Post
Disagree totally. For when we judge, that judgment comes back and bites us right on the butt. Judgment is an education for US when we are treated the same.....and it will happen.

Oh, yes, we have intelligence to know what is right and wrong, for us. That does not make it necessarily so for anyone else.

Don't take my words the wrong way here....please. I have been fighting the good fight for many years with people who neglect and abuse animals. I do walk my talk, BUT, I really try, and the operative word here is try, NOT to judge....a LOT easier said then done in some cases and on some days when we feel hot under the collar as it is.

I agree that the wording rubs me really wrong (first ad) BUT is it my interpretation that rubs me wrong, or is it the way the woman actually meant it? That is why I am so careful not to jump on somebody but try to "see" the meaning behind the words and or actions.

MK, I totally know, believe me, I totally know where you are coming from! Anyone who does what you do will snap on occasion, and if we are honest with ourselves, we all of us here do it. We are passionate about saving the lives of these poor animals, or at least some of us here are. And when there is passion, there tend to be "hot" emotions involved.

I commend you totally for the work you are doing, MK. No judgment on my part about your response. It is not my place. You are human and stumbling along with the rest of us in certain areas of our lives, so that we can learn to be better at being human.
I think judging is part of life. Making a judgement about so many things happens constantly. What does ""I can't judge mean? Does it mean you have no opinion based on reason and experience? Does it mean you won't decide if someone wronged you and you should sue for redress? Does it mean you won't decide if your child needs to be grounded for wrongdoing? Does it mean you can't vote because you can't judge? Of course, you judge.

The problem arises when you judge without merit or knowledge or take action that is not your perogative based on that judgement. If you have values and principles, you judge based on them. Abstaining from judgement when you don't know the facts or circumstances is different from not addressing issues within your ability.

Judging doesn't mean you can't forgive, have forebearance, understanding, compassion, or try to ameliorate a situation.

And by "you" I really mean all those who are reluctant to judge here. Garden of Eden--you are great and I am not singling you out. I just disagree and want to state why. But we are all in this together---trying to help these defenseless animals--each in our own way.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-18-2010, 07:16 PM
 
6,304 posts, read 8,977,707 times
Reputation: 8149
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tama View Post

The problem arises when you judge without merit or knowledge or take action that is not your perogative based on that judgement. If you have values and principles, you judge based on them. Abstaining from judgement when you don't know the facts or circumstances is different from not addressing issues within your ability.
Wow, that's exactly it.

From my brief time on this side of the boards, it has become obvious that there are quite a few people around here who judge WITHOUT KNOWLEDGE of situations and take actions that are NOT THEIR PREROGATIVE. It has become painfully obvious that a LOT of people around here are way more concerned with the perceived mistreatment of their animal friends than they are in actually understanding the underlying human issues that may be involved. Which is certainly not to say that the mistreatment doesn't happen, or that there are too many people around who should not have animals. But, there's this knee-jerk reaction that, quite frankly, is very off-putting a lot of times. And, IMO, there is a way to "address issues" that doesn't put off the majority of people who aren't (please excuse the use of words here) as "rabid" as you are in protecting animals.

You know that whole attracting flies with honey rather than vinegar thing? It seems that it would work quite nicely in cases like this...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-18-2010, 07:52 PM
 
2,053 posts, read 4,800,661 times
Reputation: 2410
This will be my last post on this thread, as obviously people have different opinions here and nobody will compromise, and I am definitely not here to attack others or hear insults.

To my understanding, this is a forum where one posts a question/situation and others give opinions about it. So the whole "judging the person who has no other alternative" doesn't really fly...

I am sorry if some people do not agree with me. I think I am right, and others think they are right. That is ok. I have heard people reasoning about things with which I did not agree and changed my mind, since nobody is right 100% of times. But regarding this topic, I will not change my mind, I have seen a lot of people acting heartlessly towards pets, and very few times the opposite, to always give the pets - not the person - the so-called "benefit of doubt".

Pets have (literally) no voice and usually are the first ones to go/be neglected when something goes wrong. On the other hand, they are the last ones to jump off the ship... I have seen pets with homeless people, sharing a plate of food. This is the kind of people who instantly gain my respect. Instead of doing the "send the pet to a good family thing" they want to make sure that, even though having very little, their pet will be loved and share whatever they have.

I have also seen people rehabilitating fighting dogs (sorry, I know this is the cat forum), who were not put down as merciful souls did not give up on them, and believed most could be rehabilitated and just bc they had a rough life it did not mean they could not change for the better. Some of these poor pets who suffered so much bc of heartless humans, today are noble enough to work for humans - handicapped or sick people who greatly benefit from their presence.

It baffles me to this day that so many will quickly say "oh poor person, she had no choice, her heart is broken", instead of saying "what will this poor creature go through from now on, besides having a broken heart as well"? In my eyes, this is "judging" favorably regarding the person, but apparently people here are only quick to say the "judgment" only happens when people will support the cat. When supporting the person, they are not judging, it is just natural. I just wanted to point out the double standard, that is all.

Again, I am the kind of person who would never leave a pet, unless I were extremely sick. I can only lament that others would do it. People have voices, pets don't, so it is nice to read some posts here from people that, even having to "inconvenience" themselves, will speak for/choose to keep them. Please don't waste time insulting me, I truly meant to express my opinion only and never to be rude to any poster in this thread. If we disagree, we will agree to do so.

In my opinion, post #38 is just brilliant.

Last edited by Miaiam; 07-18-2010 at 08:09 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-18-2010, 08:09 PM
 
6,304 posts, read 8,977,707 times
Reputation: 8149
If some people in this world actually stood back and gave the human owners of pets even a sliver of a percentage of the compassion that they give to the animals, this world would be a MUCH better place.

Would I leave my pet? Thankfully, I haven't had to go down that road, and YES, I have been through some major issues with my four-legged friends. But, if that day should ever come, I would hope that animal lovers out there would give me constructive advice on the matter and not have the audacity to judge me about my decision.

Yes, this is an internet forum where people are entitled to give their opinions on a matter. That's terrific. But, let's not forget that we, as readers, have no idea about the entire story, in any matter. IMO, that's why it's ESPECIALLY important to be constructive, and to respond to whatever details are given. In responding to a Craiglist ad, or to anything else on the Net, wouldn't it be more beneficial to actually try to respond with some constructive advice, or perhaps the names and addresses of some good rescues in that person's area?

Personally, I find people with a "preachy" attitude EXTREMELY off-putting. Two words, and my hearing shuts off. If people truly wanted to do the "right thing", they would couch their actions in a way that takes into account ALL of the players involved, both human and non-human, in this case.

A "hey listen, I get that cats can be tough with toddlers, have you tried..." or "Wow, I can't imagine having an issue like this with my child and animals, you should try speaking to..." would work a heck of a lot better than a judgmental attitude.

But, I guess, so long as we have the slaps on the back on a forum like this, people in the situation such as the first CL ad on this thread will have to go without, what I am sure (absolutely seriously) would be some terrific advice.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-18-2010, 08:36 PM
 
Location: I'm not lost, I'm exploring!
3,401 posts, read 13,342,193 times
Reputation: 5774
Quote:
Originally Posted by latetotheparty View Post
the few that i have responded to with tips to ensure that the animal being dumped doesn't wind up as bait, or worse, have garnered me some very nasty and defensive replies.......
Exactly. You're opening up the possibility of putting yourself into a no-win situation when you randomly address a stranger about their problem. Whether you have peace and the best of intentions, or the wrath of hell and damnation behind you, you're never really safe with how they will respond to your actions. I would have to say by far, the most constructive I've ever been with anyone regarding animal rescue has been face to face, problem to proposed solution, it's too easy to dismiss online - or pass off and ignore. I would know. I've sent off happy tips along side condemnations before. When you never really hear a response either way, you never really know what to think.

Giving people the benefit of the doubt when they're disposing or rehoming their animals isn't the end of the world. It's fighting an uphill battle however, one that all of a sudden you're not allowed to hold their owners accountable for on any given circumstance. So it begins to feel like your beating your head against a brick wall. And who wouldn't get tired of that every once in awhile.

OH - I found the rest of the quote. This one seems more closely related to dogs, but I figured you guys would enjoy it either way, if you haven't heard it yet.

"I Am An Animal Rescuer" I have bought dog food with my last dime. I have patted a mangy head with a bare hand. I have hugged someone vicious and afraid. I have fallen in love a thousand times. And I have cried into the fur of a lifeless body too many times to count. I am an Animal Rescuer..."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-18-2010, 09:20 PM
 
Location: Philaburbia
41,748 posts, read 74,721,167 times
Reputation: 66682
Marylandkitten, I just may have done the same thing. No doubt, though, these cat owners are too dense and self-absorbed to understand what you're trying to tell them.

I'm happy, too, that whoever dumped two kittens into the alley decided to do so behind our house, because thanks to them we have two beautiful, affectionate companions. Does that mean I'm still not angry with those callous people? Or that I wouldn't give them a piece of my mind if I were to discover who they were? Hell no. The end does not justify the means.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tama View Post
but it is the owner's words in this posting that creates a less tolerant reaction IMHO--the child isn't allergic, the cat isn't aggressive, the finances aren't the issue, moving into a no-pets apartment isn't mentioned-it is that the child mishandles the cat. That is the reason given.
Exactly. The admission that the owner hasn't taken a picture of the cat since its daughter was born is a pretty big clue that the owner likely hasn't paid much attention to the cat since then. If they were good parents, they'd teach their daughter how to act around animals and teach her to live with her decisions, instead of teaching her that she comes first, and that pets are disposable when they no longer suit you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by goyguy View Post
As for the lazy parents who gave rise to this thread, their smoothing life's path for their undisciplined child will come back to haunt them in a major way. It'll start within ten years from now with "F.U., you can't tell me what to do" and go from there. There's no need for firing off rants that'll be brushed off when karma will take care of them.
Well, there is that ...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-18-2010, 09:35 PM
 
2,455 posts, read 6,631,964 times
Reputation: 2016
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tama View Post
I think judging is part of life. Making a judgement about so many things happens constantly. What does ""I can't judge mean? Does it mean you have no opinion based on reason and experience? Does it mean you won't decide if someone wronged you and you should sue for redress? Does it mean you won't decide if your child needs to be grounded for wrongdoing? Does it mean you can't vote because you can't judge? Of course, you judge.

The problem arises when you judge without merit or knowledge or take action that is not your perogative based on that judgement. If you have values and principles, you judge based on them. Abstaining from judgement when you don't know the facts or circumstances is different from not addressing issues within your ability.

Judging doesn't mean you can't forgive, have forebearance, understanding, compassion, or try to ameliorate a situation.

And by "you" I really mean all those who are reluctant to judge here. Garden of Eden--you are great and I am not singling you out. I just disagree and want to state why. But we are all in this together---trying to help these defenseless animals--each in our own way.
Tama, I think we are at odds here, and it comes down to the simple point that we are not understanding each others' words. What I mean by judgment and what you mean by judgment are two different ends of the same stick.

Let me see if I can clear my end up a little bit. Going into judgment, means to me, that I know what that other person is thinking, and why that other person is doing what he or she is doing. It parlays with a superior attitude. That is my meaning of judgment. When we make decisions based on our knowledge (OURS opposing THEIRS) that is totally different from judging. Of course you have more knowledge than a child, let's say, and you being the loving and caring person you are, will make decisions, not judgments, to keep that child out of harm's way, for example.

Our English language is so complicated, and then throw in there the age gaps of some of us here on this forum. Tonight, just to show you what I mean, I went to the video rental store with my husband, and the young man behind the counter, boggled my mind. I thought I was loosing it! I don't know if it was his tone of voice, or the level of his voice, or how he grouped his words....I don't know. For I didn't understand one word he said! I stood there just looking, and desperately trying to get at least one word of sense out of his conversation with my husband. He was at least 30 years my junior, and there was a huge gap in our language, yet it was English. (still shaking my head over this!) I walked out feeling like an idiot or an alien in a foreign place!

And to regards to this thread. I have very hot, and I mean extremely hot emotions and opinions regarding people who neglect, disrespect, hurt, ignore, etc, animals. I have dedicated my life to them. My husband has had to literally hold me back from doing certain persons bodily harm in times past, but what in the end would that have proven? Nothing, accept headaches and me probably in jail. I was literally trying to cool things down a bit on this thread. In fact, I made a few jokes about my hot flashes, if you would just look back a page or two.

I have learned, for with age comes wisdom (or at least hopefully) to tamper my temper and to be more even flowing. And not judge others. My meaning>>>>to adopt a superior attitude above that of another and believing you know what that person is learning in life, and why that person is acting in the way he is. End result, treating that person disrespectfully. Granted some people rightfully deserve it. That is when I make a righteous call versus judgment call from my knowledge base and I intend and strive to make that call in a loving manner. Not easy, I admit, by a long shot!

I hope these words cleared up any misunderstandings. For heavens sake, we are all rooting on the same team, or at least I thought so. No, we won't see eye to eye on everything, but that is what makes life interesting. But, can't we do away with this anger and finger pointing?

When I see an injustice, IF I am not able to do anything about it, I pray. Yes, I believe in the power of prayer, but that is me. That is a lot more constructive, in my opinion, then flying off the handle, for in so doing, so many get hurt in the process.

Have I made any sense to anyone???
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-19-2010, 06:20 AM
 
Location: El Paso, TX
2,807 posts, read 7,555,563 times
Reputation: 3294
GOE, you do make sense to me. It can be VERY hard not to judge, especially when it comes to animals being neglected or abused, or in this case, given up on. But in the end, is it a constructive thing concerning the bigger issue, which is helping the animals who have been done wrong? I think it always depends...yes, I've gotten in peoples' faces, I've preached, judged, and yelled...but I admit that doing these things instead of finding words that would actually make the person WANT to listen, have not created good results. Said people walk away after flipping me off or calling me a self-righteous you-know-what, and we all leave the situation feeling angry and frustrated. There's a way to reach most people that won't offend or put them off..it's tricky sometimes to formulate the words in a way that will not offend, and some people will get offended no matter how much effort you might put into the wording and tone...but screaming at them, telling them they're killing their cat, or accusing them of being too lazy, ignorant, etc. will only create a situation where they tune-out and walk away...nothing will change. Granted, some people don't hear unless you're in their face, but I think this is a far less common scenario. Though I might feel like punching someone in the face, this won't help the animal. We have to make the animals the priority and try to phrase things in a way that will create a possibility for change, or at least understanding.

As for the comments about some of us being more "humane" toward animals than we are toward humans, I will say that I do feel more inclined to speak out for and protect those who have no voice, no rights, and no warm place to lay their head at the end of the day. Some people put their energy into helping children or the elderly, and that's great...I choose to put mine into creatures who are considered, for all intents and purposes, to be property. They need my help more than the humans who have wronged them. Thousands of unwanted/neglected/abused cats sit in cages or wander hungry through the streets at this very second...it is humans who have created this problem, and it's our responsibility as humans to do what we can to fix it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-19-2010, 09:01 AM
 
2,455 posts, read 6,631,964 times
Reputation: 2016
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marylandkitten View Post
"I Am An Animal Rescuer" I have bought dog food with my last dime. I have patted a mangy head with a bare hand. I have hugged someone vicious and afraid. I have fallen in love a thousand times. And I have cried into the fur of a lifeless body too many times to count. I am an Animal Rescuer..."
Thank you, MK. My heart has been touched. These words are beautiful and moving to those whose path is the Animal Rescuer. Every blessing.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Pets > Cats

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top