My belief & reason I/We care for our furry baby (kitty, time)

[catman]

scsigurl: It didn't used to be an option for the cat's human companion(s) to be in the room as it went into the Big Sleep, but I'm glad it is now, as painful as it is. The kitty who has given one so much love and good memories deserves to have his/her comforting presence in the room when the end comes. BTW, it never gets any easier. I've been through it several times, most recently on 21 January 2010 when I had to part with my 15-year-old Siggy.

I'm a musician too, and I've found that many other musicians appreciate cats more than average. We seem to go together. It took my cat a while to get to where it could stand my bass trombone playing! Either he got used to it, or I got better on it. He never had a problem with my bass or tuba playing.

[movintime]

Thanks you to all of you who have contributed to this thread thus far. I hope it helps some of us deal w/ the harsh reality that unfortunately occurs.

[=^..^=]

When the day came for our two elderly dogs to be put to sleep my husband had to take them. I was too upset. I was sick to my stomach and developed a wicked headache. I never asked if he stayed with them. I don't want to know or even remember that horrible day.

Since all my cats before these three were indoor-outdoor cats, they were never around long enough to reach old age. I didn't realize all the dangers to cats outdoors back then. I do now! I can't think of what will happen when their time comes........

[scsigurl3000]

This is the nature of life, that living things die. That's why they call it the "veil of tears." It's so, so sad when you lose a beloved person -- human or animal -- but none of us can avoid that. The only alternative is not to love at all, and that is too much of a sacrifice, given that love is the most important thing in our lives. I will always love and miss my cat, Annie, and my mom and dad, and my husband. All passed away, all leaving me alone here on this planet, but grateful that I had them when I did. And I don't have the comforts of religion, either, or Rainbow Bridge.

It's just the nature of things.

[catman]

I agree. It's painful to be with your furperson as s/he is put to sleep, but it's the way it should be. Before being with the animal being euthanized was an option, I had to have a kitty put to sleep because she had feline leukemia, and as the doctor took the cat away, said kitty stared at me over the doctor's shoulder until they went into a back room. I will never forget that look; it made me feel terrible and still does after all these years. I would much rather have been there with her as she drifted away.

[scsigurl3000]

Originally Posted by catman

I agree. It's painful to be with your furperson as s/he is put to sleep, but it's the way it should be. Before being with the animal being euthanized was an option, I had to have a kitty put to sleep because she had feline leukemia, and as the doctor took the cat away, said kitty stared at me over the doctor's shoulder until they went into a back room. I will never forget that look; it made me feel terrible and still does after all these years. I would much rather have been there with her as she drifted away.

Yes, I think that's what I'm going to do in the future, also. Annie was so sick; she was vomiting and out of her mind with fear. And she *knew* what was happening. It was awful.

I do know that look; I fostered a cat who was sick with just an eye infection, and I cured it with tea and found him a really nice home with a lovely family. I remember the way he looked at me when the family came over to get him; he was so happy, and so grateful to me.

I think animals are a lot smarter than we give them credit for.

[Deja Vu Again]

Wow. Your post hits it right on the head. I lost my little lady back in November. It's been the ABSOLUTE hardest thing I have EVER endured. I had her for nearly 17 years. I got her when I was trying to find myself at 23 years old. She left me when I turned 40. Oddly enough, I am once again trying to "find myself"

I have gone through a brutal divorce, lost my grandma, etc but nothing like losing my Sheila. She gave me unconditional love for all those years. She was always there. She has passed on to the Rainbow Bridge but I miss her like there is no tomorrow. I never realized I could love an animal so much. There will never be another one like her.

I had a connection with her. I can't explain it but I think your post comes close.

Now I am starting to cry

[harborlady]

Originally Posted by catman

I agree. It's painful to be with your furperson as s/he is put to sleep, but it's the way it should be. Before being with the animal being euthanized was an option, I had to have a kitty put to sleep because she had feline leukemia, and as the doctor took the cat away, said kitty stared at me over the doctor's shoulder until they went into a back room. I will never forget that look; it made me feel terrible and still does after all these years. I would much rather have been there with her as she drifted away.

I have a leukemia positive cat and I dread the day I'll have to put her to sleep. I hope you're still around in the forum when I have to face that day. Thing of it is she'd be dead already from her injuries and subsequent miscarriage if I didn't intercede when she presented herself on my doorstep. The 'humane' society policy is to terminate her life immediately no matter what shape she's in at the moment because it's contagious. She's had such a rough life early on she has no intention of being outdoors again. It breaks my heart an animal so young has a death sentence hanging over her head but I've improved the quality and quantity of life she has present tense. More I cannot do, the rest we're obliged to give up to our maker. She knows she's well loved and I believe that counts most. I attribute this attitude to a realization at a very young age that life itself is a lease. In other words all creatures great and small inevitably have a death sentence hanging over our heads by virtue of mortal coil. That's what I concluded attending the funeral of teen aged classmates.

Not to get all Hamlet on folks but it hurts more (self inflicted) when people are in denial about their own mortality. Culturally people are encouraged to be in love with being 19 & bulletproof forever and underneath it all everyone knows that's a lie but they don't want to look squarely. This fearful immaturity in American culture leaves people ripe for exploitation. I know grown people (elders) who cannot emotionally handle writing their own will for instance. I've watched the ugliest come out of people, families torn apart with petty rivalry at the death of a loved one, knowing they weren't raised by the deceased to conduct themselves as such. Too many funerals have led me to believe that what we call loss is a gussied up version of selfishness. When it's more about garnering sympathy of peers than honoring the life of the beloved I have to excuse myself because if I spoke my mind it might involve slapping someone in the face.

Am I insensitive? Cold hearted? Using another's death opportunistically is vicious low character to my sensibilities. Commercializing 911 was utterly despicable. Naturally most of us offer those grieving a wide berth, however, I find the argument of being non judgmental about someone grieving has limited validity. I think it was vastly wrong, for example, that I was expected to stand at attention in full dress uniform petitioning an entire chain of command for the right to attend my fathers deathbed despite official reports from red cross. I made it 3 desks up the chain before I lost it and they sent me to a shrink for crossing a line of disrespect by blurting out they must have been hatched, not born into this world. If I had it to do over again I wouldn't have held my tongue in check at the first desk. Contrast this with a greek funeral where mamma puts on a show-- she only really loved papa if she tries to throw herself in the hole with him. Her failure to perform lands her the reputation of merry widow & is as culturally tabu as hindu women not wanting to be burned alive on their husbands funeral pyre regardless of how many helpless orphans would be byproduct. What man who believes that tradition to be correct actually loved his wife or his children versus using them as perpetual ego accessories?

I would hope you aren't haunted by that last look your kitty gave you. Do you doubt the decision? If so, why? Please consider how much pain and suffering would have to transpire to satisfy those doubts beyond question. Based on numerous posts you don't strike me as someone avoiding the inconvenience of caring for a sick animal. I know how badly I felt, a profound betrayal through careless parenting, handing my cat over to the wrong vet misdiagnosing him & mistreating him roughly. I found a better vet but even now feel guilty over my lapse in judgment when kitkat counted on me for everything. It was so bad I had to wonder if I needed to find a better home for him because I felt myself less than competent. Talk about misplaced faith in a vet & giving him way too much power. I literally had to lean on kitkats faith in me to get back on the horse. He did decide, after all, that I was 'the one'.

Filling the shoes of our maker is a mighty tall order, one we fallible mortals are destined to flub at some point. Still we persist in volunteering for this humanitarian duty providing what is needful in our fellow creatures. I don't think it's manifestly wrong to try, but our expectations of ourselves need to be taken into account & our 'being god' job find the realistic tempering of humility. Aiming for perfection can become destructive when we beat ourselves up over mistakes. The only constructive use for mistakes is our ability to learn from them, particularly in parenting roles. I honestly am not seeing where you did something wrong but I think reconsidering your feelings rationally in hindsight would benefit you (& your current/ future relationships with fur babies).

Have I read you wrong? Is this really just about not being there for the very last moment of kitty's life? I prayed to trade 20 yrs of my own life so that my father could have them, but I fully accept that prayer was unanswered for wisdom beyond my ability to understand at the time. It takes courage to hold the hand of the dying and vets doubting owners/ annoyed by emotions isn't very helpful to the animal or the owner IMO. I hope when the last moment for pie comes it won't be filled with terror, but rather the final gift I can give- the same unconditional love I felt for her all along winning out over painful reality we face together even today. The worst possible scenario is she outlives me and finds herself tossed into the street un-adoptable as contagious animal, spreading the very disease she's cursed with, or put to sleep despite being relatively healthy because her caregivers commitment ended in death. If there's mercy in the grander scheme of life she'll have to go first because finding a surrogate is virtually impossible when perfectly healthy animals are put down en masse every day of the week across USA. I cannot hold dominion over the tide, but I can buck it every chance I get. In every way you & others have bucked that tide wherever you are, I'm grateful.

[catman]

I hardly know where to begin. Yes, in response to your question, it was partly about not being there for the last moments of my kitty's life, but it was mostly about being sad that she had to die so young. Her leukemia was very severe; she lost half of her body weight in 5 days, and her beautiful coat was shedding, so there was no choice. I don't think she knew that she was dying, but she gave me a look which seemed to say, "Why are you abandoning me?" It was heartbreaking and still is. The poor little thing just didn't know what was happening. She was barely an adult.

I wish I had had the opportunity to be there as she went into oblivion, but at the time, that was not an option. We're talking about 40 years ago. As for beng "haunted", no, it's not something I think about all the time, but the memory is strong and comes easily when the subject of euthanasia comes up.

[harborlady]

Originally Posted by catman

I hardly know where to begin. Yes, in response to your question, it was partly about not being there for the last moments of my kitty's life, but it was mostly about being sad that she had to die so young. Her leukemia was very severe; she lost half of her body weight in 5 days, and her beautiful coat was shedding, so there was no choice. I don't think she knew that she was dying, but she gave me a look which seemed to say, "Why are you abandoning me?" It was heartbreaking and still is. The poor little thing just didn't know what was happening. She was barely an adult.

I wish I had had the opportunity to be there as she went into oblivion, but at the time, that was not an option. We're talking about 40 years ago. As for beng "haunted", no, it's not something I think about all the time, but the memory is strong and comes easily when the subject of euthanasia comes up.

50 yrs ago men were shown the door, instructed to distract themselves boiling water, or otherwise pulling their hair out with worry in a waiting room during childbirth while their wives felt abandoned and at the mercy of austere science. I'm glad that changed for the sake of all too. Like pie, I doubt your little one would have had any quality of life if not for you making the commitment. Whatever sorrow you feel over what was beyond your control pales in comparison to the meaningful love she got in her brief time on earth. My heart goes out to them with the same intensity bearing witness to human children plagued by wasting diseases. When I see either going on in the world I question how the value & role of adult stewardship has been sorely neglected. That's a topic for the poli forum, however, this is how it plays out in the lives of living creatures.

Last check up for pie I met an elderly lady cradling her outdoor cat in a blanket on her lap. It stared motionless at the ceiling tiles as if in a fixed vegetative state. Her exact words; "There seems to be something going around the neighborhood". Sometimes it's hard to discern the difference between a temporary setback they'll bounce back from vs the right time for euthanasia. Some aren't even sure if they should go to a doctor for their own medical symptoms let alone a vet check for their pet. I would hope pie doesn't have to get that bad for me to realize the right thing to do at the appropriate time.

I think I'd be wise to write a list of symptoms in advance. Draw that line in the sand about her quality of life while I'm clear minded the same way I wrote up a DNR agreement for myself. Confusion in crisis is fertile ground for regrets. Befriending the dying isn't something I ever want to regret. For all intents and purposes I have a hospice cat. I went into this with eyes wide open full disclosure, which is perhaps different than you bonding with a healthy animal only to discover illness after the fact. I think if you look from another vantage point her life made you a better person just the same. You did not possess the maturity level you have now 40 yrs ago.

Hindsight being 20/20 just how would you have gone about explaining medical reasoning to your bewildered kitty? I need to know because reasoning with my pie over simpler things like why cat's can't eat Jamaican curried goat hasn't worked out. She wants it anyway because her protector, her 'hero', the 'goddess' of mysterious indoor plumbing and magical can openers is eating it. Maybe she'll live long enough to realize I'm not Santa Klaus as kitkat has. I can only hope. The viralys powder seems to be helping stave things off for now. I also hope that's not junk science perpetrated by humans throwing animals under the bus for a buck. Times have changed... some for good, some for worse.