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Old 09-01-2010, 12:15 PM
 
Location: North America
19,782 posts, read 14,363,944 times
Reputation: 8523

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How to Give a Cat a Pill

1.
Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.

Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cats mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.

Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.


2.
Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.

Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3.
Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand.

Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5.
Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.


Call spouse in from the garden.



6.
Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws.

Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail.

Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.


8.
Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.

Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw


9.
Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10.
Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed.

Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11.
Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink.

Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from the top of the tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.

Take last pill from foil wrap.

13.
Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.

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Old 09-01-2010, 12:40 PM
 
11,944 posts, read 14,130,928 times
Reputation: 2772
Hahahaha! I've had better luck but am sure to count my blessings now! My trick is capitalizing on feeding time (if they know cooperating in that moment means their cherished wet food is imminent, the low growls are absent).
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Old 09-01-2010, 12:43 PM
 
Location: Matthews, NC
14,691 posts, read 25,315,423 times
Reputation: 14388
Nice list.

My cat loves those pill pockets. It was very easy to give him pills using those as the vessel.
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Old 09-01-2010, 01:16 PM
 
Location: Metromess
11,798 posts, read 24,048,804 times
Reputation: 5182
Yes, I've seen that list before. Ain't it the truth!
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Old 09-01-2010, 01:20 PM
 
Location: North America
19,782 posts, read 14,363,944 times
Reputation: 8523
I have to hide the frontline vial when I frontline my crew, or I have to crawl under the bed or move the sofa.
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Old 09-01-2010, 01:21 PM
 
Location: North America
19,782 posts, read 14,363,944 times
Reputation: 8523
Quote:
Originally Posted by bs13690 View Post
Nice list.

My cat loves those pill pockets. It was very easy to give him pills using those as the vessel.

Mine are too smart of the pill pockets. They eat around the pill then spit it on the floor. Smart little furballs.
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Old 09-01-2010, 01:26 PM
 
309 posts, read 1,178,665 times
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Greetings,
Get a soft can of cat food, smash the pill up in the food and stir it. The cat wont know the difference and everybody is not stressed.
Be Blessed
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Old 09-01-2010, 01:59 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh area
9,918 posts, read 23,360,746 times
Reputation: 5143
I've seen that list a few times over the years.

Quote:
Originally Posted by carterstamp View Post
Mine are too smart of the pill pockets. They eat around the pill then spit it on the floor. Smart little furballs.
I've heard of that, but with mine I've noticed this exactly once, so I think it was entirely by accident. I found the pill on the floor later. Otherwise, the twice a day ritual is just like giving a treat. She continues to look forward to it.

Years ago I tried the cat food thing, and it actually didn't work that well. She really never was that into canned food, and she still won't eat the typical mashed up stuff that would work well for a pill. The food she likes is chunkier, closer to the real stuff.

But every cat is different in what works.
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Old 09-01-2010, 04:46 PM
 
Location: Camberville
14,787 posts, read 19,762,815 times
Reputation: 25989
I lucked out with my Puck. Maybe it's a holdout from being a rescue kitty who had been abandoned but he eats ANYTHING. The vet gave me this little thing to basically force pills down his throat, but I decided to see if he was part of the "1%" that the vet talked about that didn't need to be forced to take pills. I stuck the pills in a little bit of his "snack" wet food and down the hatch they went. I even got him to eat them out of his dry kibble!

After about a week, he started to get smarter and eat around the pill the first time- which I think was just his way of getting mommy to give him more food!
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Old 09-01-2010, 06:46 PM
 
13,592 posts, read 12,488,274 times
Reputation: 21601
Sigh.... how true that list is.

With my dog (may she rest in peace) pills were soooo simple. I dipped them in a little peanut butter and they were the most special treats any dog could ask for! She loved her PB pills.
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