Difficulty Letting Go of Foster Cat (kittens, feline, safe, dogs) - Cats - - City-Data Forum

doghead · 10-08-2010, 09:29 PM

Does anyone have the problem of letting go of their foster cats? I'm having a terrible dilemma now with one that I have fostered for 10 mos. He does not get along with my existing cats, but he's handicapped and I feel very responsible and guilty about placing him. Does anyone find they end up keeping fosters? What do you do to make yourself release them (to a good home of course)? Thanks.

Alley01 · 10-08-2010, 10:00 PM

It is tough. We have had some pretty awesome foster cats (we don't have any of our own cats) and it is always so difficult to let some of them go. Ultimately, you have to do what is best for them and sometimes a new home is a lot better. Perhaps you can keep in touch with the new owners which should put you at ease. We don't get to know the forever homes all the time, but we have kept in touch with several and it is comforting to see how well they are doing in their new environment. But, I have been told that being a foster failure at some point is a real possibility. We have resisted for the last five years but we do have two fosters right now that are more permanent than the others. One has fatty liver disease amongst a few other things and is participating in a clinical trial at Cornell so we have to fly back and forth with her and she isn't going to be better for some time so I would imagine she will be with us past the year mark. Another has feline stomatitis and we are also working with a couple veterinary schools on finding an effective treatment (not an official clinical trial yet) so she will probably pass the one year mark too. Luckily, those two cats are the best of friends.

The longest we have had fosters has been a few months so this is new territory. But, I can see where you would get attached. I know that it will be so difficult to let those two go when the time does come. But, I was told by one of the other foster families that if you keep in mind how much better off they will be in their new home, it makes it a bit easier. If it ends up that this cat you have is better off in your home, your cats will have to deal with it and you will have your first foster failure. In any other situation, failure is not a good word, but in this instance it isn't a bad thing.

Either way, Good Luck! If my two dogs had a vote as to if we would be a foster failure, they would choose to keep each and every cat (minus maybe two

) They really are more attached to the cats. Especially the kittens.

jasper12 · 10-09-2010, 05:18 AM

Maybe stop fostering if you feel this way. You are not responsible for all the cats in the world. Also, it is a slippery slope when you start keeping one because he is disabled, one because she is feral, and so on...and the next thing you know, you are on Animal Planet as a hoarder. That is how my Mom started out...and it was just "one more"...

texan2yankee · 10-09-2010, 08:50 AM

We have been fosters for dogs and cats for over two years. The time they are here varies; some stay with us a week, a month, two months, and one was with us 7 months. She was adopted to a wonderful woman last month. It was very hard to let her go. We loved her.

The thing that keeps us fostering is we constantly remind ourselves that the next animal in the high kill shelter will be euthanized if our home is not available. To date 15 animals have come through our foster home and found loving adopters through the rescue group we work with. Fostering is a labor of love. By fostering, you are saving lives. Your kindness and strength to let them go to a wonderful adoptive home reflects that selfless love. The next homeless animal waiting in a cage needs you, too.

doghead · 10-09-2010, 10:15 AM

thanks everyone. Texan, that is true, the next homeless animal in a cage awaits. I see that it was hard for you to let go as well. This particular cat I am fostering is blind; but very easygoing and he wants to play. My existing cats do not like him--one cat is old, the other, a "failed foster" from 2 years ago and she is extremely shy. The 2 dogs aren't thrilled with him either. I work full-time and this blind kitty is about 1.5 yrs. old. I think he is bored and would love a kitten/cat which I can't take on at this time. So, I'll meet this prospective home tomorrow and maybe it will be a home I cannot refuse and see that it's the best thing for my foster. Alley01, you are really amazing for doing so much for your fosters too. It's really tough. Thanks.

Ketabcha · 10-09-2010, 10:32 AM

Ohhhhh. It is often so hard to let fosters move on.

Keep in mind that your very sensitivity to the plight of these little guys is what allows you to foster them.

There is another one who is just waiting to be fostered by you. When this one goes on to his forever home you will have another one to love and care for.

Thank you for giving these kitties a safe and loving place to live until they move on.

Laura707 · 10-12-2010, 11:33 AM

I don't foster often because it breaks my heart when I have to turn them over to someone else... I cry EVERY time!

Right now I have a baby I got when she was only 2 to 3 weeks old. She will soon be ready go her forever home and this one will be the hardest to let go. I had to bottle feed her, got to experience all the "firsts" with her and I am so in love with her. I worry about how it will effect her having to change homes and humans.. I knew going into this that I couldn't keep her but without me, she has no chance. I just hope and pray, I can find her a forever home where I can still see her and watch her grow. I will make sure I have plenty of tissues when I hand her over..

J-CityRelo · 10-12-2010, 01:19 PM

It's very emotional, there's no way around it. My foster kittens that I had since they were 2 weeks old were my first fostering experience and it was so hard to let them go. When you first have to actually place them in someone else's arms and know that you're going home without them, it's really tough. I guess what I did was cry, first of all and assure myself that that other person was going to love them just like me and do everything I would do. And when you talk to the new owners you'll know that's true, or try to find another potential adopter. When I saw one of the kittens again with his new mom, she was holding him in the crook of her neck just like I did (she brought him in to the vet's - where I was working), I saw how happy he was and how he was thriving - it was the greatest feeling in the world. And all my tears with missing them and worrying - completely worth it.

flkingfan · 10-12-2010, 01:36 PM

Kudos to you and everyone else who fosters. You are giving this cat a chance to become part of a home for life. You are preparing them for their new life they otherwise won't get in a cage in a shelter. Thanks for saving them! I wouldn't even try it because I know I would fail and end up with a house full of cats and dogs.

=^..^= · 10-12-2010, 07:45 PM

I found it very hard to give them up in the end, but did do it. Some I got attached to and some I didn't. It was painful to let some of them go but knew I had to so I could foster more.