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My concern with these particular types of questions is why the OP didn't come back. Cynic that I am (based on personal experience) I worry that the controlling boyfriend has something to do with the OPs failure to return.
Other reasons may be...they forgot which forum they posted in, they got sick, they went away, they regretted starting the sensitive topic (because of repercussions when/if the boyfriend found out)....
I agree it's annoying and sometimes worrisome when they don't come back, but I don't agree that they should not have posted in the first place. For one thing, who knows how many other people will be helped by this thread, or any thread on any given topic. People who will never post at all, but experiencing something similar may see this thread and receive the help they need from it.
I don't begrudge the time spent offering help in these forums, even if I never hear the outcome, though of course I would prefer to know what happened.
That was my thought too. Hopefully it's that the OP just hasn't bothered to reply to the thread, rather than something more serious.
Location: The Northeast - hoping one day the Northwest!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12
I would kick this guy to the curb.
1. He is disrespecting you.
2. He is putting your cat's life in danger.
This is almost abusive, and quite controlling, he is exerting his will on you, irregardless of your feelings. This is more than just the cat!
And, he does not know your cat or love him the way you do.
Geez, I would not even fight about this with the guy, it would just be over. Over.
Find a man who loves you, respects you, and listens to you, and wants to protect you from any type of emotional pain. This man is obviously not a cat person.
It's a holiday, and I've been working overtime this week. And I really didn't expect this to get this many replies so quickly.
The BF and I have been on and off, and we're in that in between stage right now. However, he lives with me, so it's been hard to completely finish it right now. Believe me, these are all things that I consider.
Thank you for all of your responses. They validated what I thought. I just needed to hear it from others.
are you over reacting?!
who cares...this has NOTHING to do with a cat (the cat is just a catalyst) and everything to do with your relationship.
you asked him to do something very simple...he showed how much he respects you by not only doing the opposite PURPOSLY, but then trying to make you feel like the bad guy ontop.
id say send him packing, you don't need a PARTNER who cant respect your wishes.
Thanks for coming back on and responding. Please be careful that he doesn't do something spiteful and take it out on your cat, like opening the door and letting it get away. Sometimes things get real strange when people are not getting along.
My 14ish year old cat has been indoors for the last 12 years since I found him as a stray. He has never minded staying inside. I found out several months back that my BF has let him out into the backyard several times, and I'm NOT happy. He says he watches him, but im sure he doesnt have his eyes on him every single second, and I still don't want him going out. There's poison ivy by the fence, stray cats that hang around that probably leave fleas all over the yard, and neighbors on all 3 sides have dogs. Fenced, but anything could happen, ya know?
Now that he's gotten a taste of being outside, he's slipped out without our knowledge twice, one day being out the entire day while we were at work. And he yowls loudly at the door, which my BF hates. I told him he created that monster, but he says,"The cat likes it outside!" I said I don't give a ****, I don't want my car going out anymore. It's become a battle between us, because he's not respecting my feelings about it.
Am I overreacting?
Probably, but he is your cat and you have the right to your rules. Here though is an example of what happened with us: our 2 cats, now both in heaven were indoor cats for about 10 years, with the rare exception of a few times when they wandered out for a minute or two. When we moved from NM to AR and had a lot of open space we started letting them explore. At the time they were about 11 years old. One did like the outdoors and would wander a little, very little. She even started catching lizards. Once she caught a bird, we told her to drop it and she did. She loved her few minutes or so out each day, but was still an indoor cat. Her sister, on the other hand had little use for the outdoors. She would wander out the sliding glass door early in the mornings for about 5 minutes and come right back in. I think, at the age your cat is, he will never wander off or spend much time out. On the other hand, it isn't really important what I think, he is your cat.
Now I will ask you, why does this bother you so much? Are you afraid he will get hurt? I would be a little concerned if he was out all day, when he has been raised as an inside cat.
1. He is disrespecting you.
2. He is putting your cat's life in danger.
This is almost abusive, and quite controlling, he is exerting his will on you, irregardless of your feelings. This is more than just the cat!
And, he does not know your cat or love him the way you do.
Geez, I would not even fight about this with the guy, it would just be over. Over.
Find a man who loves you, respects you, and listens to you, and wants to protect you from any type of emotional pain. This man is obviously not a cat person.
Jasper has nailed it dead on. This is what you are going to get forever with this jerk, especially if you were foolish enough to marry him. Send him packing pronto.
CM, thanks for coming back to your thread It helps to know that you're OK, and that you are truly wanting some feedback from your readers.
As you can see it's hard for us to keep it centered on your cat's welfare issue, 'cause one thing bleeds into the other. I fault myself, because I was one of the first to say it would be a deal-breaker, etc.
Since your cat (what's his name? could we see a picture?? ) is old and has been indoors for 12 years, he's so vulnerable, not street-wise and perhaps not even physically able to protect himself: I'm truly worried for his safety and know that you are as well. I hope he makes it through this time while you're deciding how and what to do. You certainly have my support, for whatever it's worth.
Why do I know this so well? I was with a man like this, for over 20 years. If you think he is abusive to the cat, wait until you have kids...
Nothing you say, will ever count, or be listened to. This is just the beginning. Maybe, the value of being my age, is to help others, see the paths they are on, and try to help them see the future. It is not easy to see the future, from where you are now...Do anything you can, to get away from this guy. Don't justify things, or state it is impossible to get away from him because of finances, you live together, all the other entanglements that are present...just listen to that very, small part of you, who knows, this is not right for you...and sit down, and figure out how to end things now, before you spend the next 20 years of your life this way...
...Other reasons may be...they forgot which forum they posted in...
That's happened to me a few times, actually. I start searching for a forum, I find one, read posts, decide I like it, sign up, start to contribute, or ask a question, and then life gets in the way and I don't visit the forum because it's not a priority. Then, when I want to go back, I can't remember what the heck it was called or it's address.
In fact, there's a forum right now that I KNOW what it is, but it's been so long since I've been there that I can't remember my stinkin' password. I get 5 attempts. Used those up. I emailed admin. Not a single reply. I have no idea what was the last post I put up in that forum...so, it does happen.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12
Why do I know this so well? I was with a man like this, for over 20 years. If you think he is abusive to the cat, wait until you have kids...
Hmmm, didn't even think of that. That's a very good point.
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It helps to know that you're OK, and that you are truly wanting some feedback from your readers.
) is old and has been indoors for 12 years, he's so vulnerable, not street-wise and perhaps not even physically able to protect himself: I'm truly worried for his safety and know that you are as well. I hope he makes it through this time while you're deciding how and what to do. You certainly have my support, for whatever it's worth.
