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Cats who are not socialized as kittens usually don't like to be held - I think Bowlby's theory of personality development holds for cats as it does humans, there are many potentials and those that are nurtured flourish.
If you prefer cats that cuddle it's best for all involved that you adopt kittens and socialize them to do that. Or, if it's an adult cat be sure it enjoys the level of affection you prefer. As others have said it terrorizes cats to have attention/affection forced on them.
I'm ok with whatever the cat/dog/human wants, I don't want to force anyone/thing to my will. I prefer affection given because the other being offers it. I feel like a bully forcing it. Might to me does not equal right. Given the opportunity some cats will retaliate, they do not have the inborn loyalty of dogs, you must earn it. I am deeply grateful to say I have done so with every cat I've shared my life with however Orion lets me know when I make an error, he stops sleeping on the bed with me. This is a great way to communicate since he has no other means to get his message across.
I hope you and others who find it necessary to have cats who cuddle make the effort to find individuals that meet that requirement so it is a happy match.
Cats who are not socialized as kittens usually don't like to be held - I think Bowlby's theory of personality development holds for cats as it does humans, there are many potentials and those that are nurtured flourish.
Or kittens who lost their mother too early. Bobbles was socialized from 4 weeks old. Her being feral made it very difficult for us to cuddle her in the beginning. Although she's very tame now, she only wants cuddled on her own terms. She climbs up and falls asleep on my chest when SHE wants. Sometimes she does it many times a day and sometimes she goes weeks between doing it.
She does let me pick her up. I can carry her for short distances. That's a big improvement because she used to freak out with all claws previously. The way we got her to allow us to pick her up was via respecting her needs and letting her down as soon as she showed distress. That taught her she could trust us and she lets me pick her up, cuddle and kiss her, and carry her more and more. But it's never for certain because something could scare her.
I try very hard to see other people's point of view, and I understand wanting a cat you can hold. But making comments about cats being "stuck up" and not appreciating all you've done for them by saving them (temporarily) shows you have no empathy, and no understanding of *their* point of view. I could have taken your post a lot better if you weren't so nasty and insulting in your description of the cats that don't meet your standards. We're all different, and cats are all different too. Different doesn't always mean better or worse. If you've been adopting kittens up to now, I suggest you go with cats at least 2 years old in the future, as their personalities are more established and by spending time with them before the adoption, you will have a better idea of who they are. But please remember, even if legally they are property, they are living beings with feelings, and they have needs too. Some of the ones you have now might need more than 5 minutes of your petting them for example! Even if you think that as your property, they don't have a right to more time than you want to give, there has to be some give and take in life.
Wow. For someone who's had so many cats, how can you be so ignorant about them?
Cats have personalities, just like humans. Some humans don't like to be held and petted; some cats are no different.
As the humans who have volunteered to care for these animals that we bring into our homes, it is our responsibility to nurture and interact with them on mutual terms. Just as you wouldn't force a child to play basketball if it had no interest in the game just because you want to play, you wouldn't force a cat to be held if it didn't want to be held, just because you want to hold it. You find other ways to engage the child, and you find other ways to interact with the cat.
I have two cats: the male loves to be picked up, and is all over me at any time of the night or day; the female tolerates being picked up for about 10 seconds, and then she squirms her way out. But the female does like to curl up next to me on the couch, and she loves being petted while she eats or suns herself in the windowsill. She also likes to chat - if I meow or chirr at her, she answers. They have different preferences when it comes to play and toys - the male loves whiffle golf balls and the little red dot; the female prefers toy mice laced with catnip. I don't force her to play with the laser pointer, and I don't throw mice to him.
And neither of them like strangers - the mere sound of the doorbell sends them bolting for the basement, where they stay until they've decided the strangers can be trusted (this may happen within a half hour ... or never). While I would love to have friendly cats, I don't, and that's not going to change. That doesn't make them any less worthy or lovable.
For me, I think it's because any pet you take in is going to involve some aggravations on your part even for ones you like. Having to deal with litter boxes, for example, which is why even with the 2 we have, they're outside plenty enough that a litter box is not necessary. I've had it before where there were 2 cats and they were indoors mostly, and it was ridiculous how often you had to tend to the litter box. When you're having to scoop almost every hour, to me that is EXTREMELY ridiculous, once a day is all I care to have to deal with that. I know they can't help it, of course they have to go when nature calls, but my point is when you deal with that sort of thing, you're not going to be keen on dealing with such drudgery only to be told ridiculous "don't touch me" messages in return. Oh heck no, Jack.
I totally get the idea of, say, not forcing basketball on a child or such, but children aren't optional, to me pets are, very much so, and due largely to that the dynamic is totally different. I have no issues appreciating our 2 childrens' unique qualities, but even there, I can take stands; for instance, our daughter for awhile didn't like having her picture taken and would protest ANY attempts at ANY picture-taking at all. I wasn't going to stand for that, so I started taking away extras like ice cream treats etc and saying she EARNED the privilege of treats by not protesting something as innocent as your parent taking your picture. That was a long time ago, and anymore she likes having her photo taken, but even that was an exception in terms of me insisting on how things were going to be. For the most part it's a very unconditional type of thing.
For me, pets are different. I choose to bring you in and in return, whether it's because you can process my English (which of course cats can't) or just because of who & what you are, you give me what I'm looking for. If you don't fit my home, I'm not going to bend for you, you just don't fit in around here and can't stay. "Earn your respect" my foot--the way it goes is you earn the right to live here based on how good of a match you are with what I'm looking for. (And yes, anytime I've taken a cat in, I've always made considerable efforts to determine that beforehand. Much of what I'm saying hasn't really entailed re-homing so much as taking a pass on a cat we expressed interest in.)
I wasn't trying to say other's views were wrong, just trying to understand why one would have a cat if it wouldn't like to be held, because to me, the whole point of having a cat is to hold it, not all day you understand, but whenever. To me, they don't get a say in the matter--I feel like doing, I'm going to do it, and that's that. I guess, though, if you derive joy from watching them play with each other (I have always liked watching cats wrestle, for instance), then that would explain it.
Wow. For someone who's had so many cats, how can you be so ignorant about them?
Cats have personalities, just like humans. Some humans don't like to be held and petted; some cats are no different.
As the humans who have volunteered to care for these animals that we bring into our homes, it is our responsibility to nurture and interact with them on mutual terms. Just as you wouldn't force a child to play basketball if it had no interest in the game just because you want to play, you wouldn't force a cat to be held if it didn't want to be held, just because you want to hold it. You find other ways to engage the child, and you find other ways to interact with the cat.
I have two cats: the male loves to be picked up, and is all over me at any time of the night or day; the female tolerates being picked up for about 10 seconds, and then she squirms her way out. But the female does like to curl up next to me on the couch, and she loves being petted while she eats or suns herself in the windowsill. She also likes to chat - if I meow or chirr at her, she answers. They have different preferences when it comes to play and toys - the male loves whiffle golf balls and the little red dot; the female prefers toy mice laced with catnip. I don't force her to play with the laser pointer, and I don't throw mice to him.
And neither of them like strangers - the mere sound of the doorbell sends them bolting for the basement, where they stay until they've decided the strangers can be trusted (this may happen within a half hour ... or never). While I would love to have friendly cats, I don't, and that's not going to change. That doesn't make them any less worthy or lovable.
^^^ This.
My three are all different. One right now is in my lap cuddling and purring, not because I made her, but because she wants to. It's mutual consent.
Thank you for writing that post. I totally LOL'd and smiled and enjoyed reading it.
It is one of the few long, multi-paragraph posts I have ever read all the way through.
That was a great post.
I, too, wonder the exact same thing. I think you're a bit overboard with the "they are in my house and shall do as I command" thing, but I share the same sentiments about pets and why they are there. I have no use or patience for anyone or anything living in my home that doesn't want to have anything to do with people or interacting or physical closeness. Then why the hell are you there eating my food and drinking my water and breathing my air?
What's really funny to me is that you persist on getting cats anyway. Even if my eyes didn't water like Niagara Falls, I wouldn't get a cat. All the (admittedly) cute and amusing behaviors cannot make up for the responsibility, cost, and mess any animal in the home will cause...they have to (in our house) bring more to the table. No cat I have ever met has done that. Few dogs have. But certainly not all dogs, either. Don't get me started on the rodents. ?????
I have no preconceived notions of being the center of the universe or demanding unconditional love or any such nonsense. But I do understand what you're getting at, op.
Too funny!
In the end, people surround themselves with the people, things, pets, etc, that make them happy. So if someone wants an aloof cat, I guess it's their business.
Most humans have not achieved the level of evolution necessary to accept members of a different species as family members or friends.
Most of the world believes that animals and humans, especially women, and those from lower castes and classes are property and can be owned.
I don't know if I'd go that far, but I do believe humans try to assign human qualities to creatures who aren't human. How does one reason with a species that doesn't think as we do? How does an animal understand our concept of property and ownership? And if it did, would it accept it? Somehow, I doubt it.
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