Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It's a few weeks later. The insane grief is still with me. I still come home and for a split second still expect to see Eini in the TV room, waking up at the sound of the door and demanding a treat. It still hits me with the force of a blow several times a day that he is gone, and my breath catches, and if I am at work I have to force myself to think about something else or I will lose it entirely. If I am at home, I DO lose it entirely.
I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and I still expect to see Eini's sweet little face appearing at the top of the stairs. But I will never see that again and it is agonizing.
I have dreamed about Eini a few times, but almost always he is running away (pretty clear what THAT means). The few times he has been lying down, I see him and I love him but I know even as I am dreaming that he is no longer really THERE and I will have to face that again when I wake up. Only once in a dream have I been able to pick him up and hold him, and that was so incredibly sweet, even though I knew that it wasn't "real."
I have lost kitties before, and I know when I lost my "soul-mate" kitty Satay back in January 2006 it hurt this much, but I am still so overwhelmed with the pain of losing my sweet "baby guy" (one of his nicknames -- my other kitties are "big guy," "little guy," etc. -- silly, I know) -- it is just excruciating.
I am seriously thinking about seeing a therapist because this pain is just about unbearable, and I thought it would have lessened some by now.
Sorry, all, I feel like I am just handling this so badly. But he was only 8, and he should have had 10 more years, and he is GONE, and that thought is so horribly painful.
It's a few weeks later. The insane grief is still with me. I still come home and for a split second still expect to see Eini in the TV room, waking up at the sound of the door and demanding a treat. It still hits me with the force of a blow several times a day that he is gone, and my breath catches, and if I am at work I have to force myself to think about something else or I will lose it entirely. If I am at home, I DO lose it entirely.
I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and I still expect to see Eini's sweet little face appearing at the top of the stairs. But I will never see that again and it is agonizing.
I have dreamed about Eini a few times, but almost always he is running away (pretty clear what THAT means). The few times he has been lying down, I see him and I love him but I know even as I am dreaming that he is no longer really THERE and I will have to face that again when I wake up. Only once in a dream have I been able to pick him up and hold him, and that was so incredibly sweet, even though I knew that it wasn't "real."
I have lost kitties before, and I know when I lost my "soul-mate" kitty Satay back in January 2006 it hurt this much, but I am still so overwhelmed with the pain of losing my sweet "baby guy" (one of his nicknames -- my other kitties are "big guy," "little guy," etc. -- silly, I know) -- it is just excruciating.
I am seriously thinking about seeing a therapist because this pain is just about unbearable, and I thought it would have lessened some by now.
Sorry, all, I feel like I am just handling this so badly. But he was only 8, and he should have had 10 more years, and he is GONE, and that thought is so horribly painful.
I know exactly how you feel. Sorry for your loss but as time goes on it will be more bearable for you. Hang in there.
Karen, know it will sting alot for a long time. But can you imagine how you feel this much grief -- yet out of tragedy will come happiness - but not yet. It goes to show that your heart is bigger than his death & transcends this world. Remember, you WILL see Eini again & he isn't suffering EVER again. He could have been hit by a car or had some unfortunate thing occur -- yet this is when & how the Creator decided he'd come back to Him.
He created all of us & watches us ALL. Eini is that representation in your life & don't worry, please think of him daily & cry til you can't no more. Then realize the immense gift you have to have loved so very much. Many here actually envy you, as few have the type reaction & that is the BEST tribute that little guy could have in his short 8 yr life.
You know we're here always for each other all of us, & folks here are THE best support ever seen on a board of any kind. Please keep the faith & hang in there. We're here if you need us...
My heart breaks for you. Tucker was my soul mate kitty (died in July 2104) and it was so hard, but I had the benefit of having him for 16 wonderful years, something you didn't get.
I hope you can find a way to express your grief and slowly start healing. We are here for you.
It's a few weeks later. The insane grief is still with me. I still come home and for a split second still expect to see Eini in the TV room, waking up at the sound of the door and demanding a treat. It still hits me with the force of a blow several times a day that he is gone, and my breath catches, and if I am at work I have to force myself to think about something else or I will lose it entirely. If I am at home, I DO lose it entirely.
I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and I still expect to see Eini's sweet little face appearing at the top of the stairs. But I will never see that again and it is agonizing.
I have dreamed about Eini a few times, but almost always he is running away (pretty clear what THAT means). The few times he has been lying down, I see him and I love him but I know even as I am dreaming that he is no longer really THERE and I will have to face that again when I wake up. Only once in a dream have I been able to pick him up and hold him, and that was so incredibly sweet, even though I knew that it wasn't "real."
I have lost kitties before, and I know when I lost my "soul-mate" kitty Satay back in January 2006 it hurt this much, but I am still so overwhelmed with the pain of losing my sweet "baby guy" (one of his nicknames -- my other kitties are "big guy," "little guy," etc. -- silly, I know) -- it is just excruciating.
I am seriously thinking about seeing a therapist because this pain is just about unbearable, and I thought it would have lessened some by now.
Sorry, all, I feel like I am just handling this so badly. But he was only 8, and he should have had 10 more years, and he is GONE, and that thought is so horribly painful.
I have no experience with counseling/therapy, so I'm not sure how much of a help it would be to you. But I don't discount it either, so do what you feel you have to do to feel better. In the meantime, just remember that Eini is still with you. You can't see or touch him but he is there in your heart and mind. Would he want you to hurt & cry every time you think about him? No, he wouldn't. He would want you to remember all the happiness and joy he brought to your life. He would want you to smile and feel comfort from your memories of him.
Wishing you healing and peace, and in time you'll get there.
OP, can you possibly take a couple days of vacation off of your job? I took a four-day weekend after Tucker died and had NO schedule. I did whatever I felt like doing--took long walks, watched sad movies, etc. I found it therapeutic. Perhaps it could help you release those emotions?
Aw, I am so sorry, Karen. I can hear how utterly devastated you are. I had a cat die when he was 18 months old. Like Eini, he was my special sweetie. He loved everyone and everything. When he died, I thought the world had ended. I remember feeling like I couldn't even breathe, like my chest was going to explode from grief. The first few months were very tough. He was supposed to live to a ripe old age, and he was gone! TG I had other cats to care for, or I would have curled into a ball and done nothing. The only thing I can tell you is that I did eventually start to feel more "normal". Eventually, I could think about him without crying.
Please hang in there, come here and vent, and if you think you need more help, then see a therapist. Also, your local human hospital or veterinary hospital may have a pet grief support group, either in-person or online.
It's a few weeks later. The insane grief is still with me. I still come home and for a split second still expect to see Eini in the TV room, waking up at the sound of the door and demanding a treat. It still hits me with the force of a blow several times a day that he is gone, and my breath catches, and if I am at work I have to force myself to think about something else or I will lose it entirely. If I am at home, I DO lose it entirely.
I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and I still expect to see Eini's sweet little face appearing at the top of the stairs. But I will never see that again and it is agonizing.
I have dreamed about Eini a few times, but almost always he is running away (pretty clear what THAT means). The few times he has been lying down, I see him and I love him but I know even as I am dreaming that he is no longer really THERE and I will have to face that again when I wake up. Only once in a dream have I been able to pick him up and hold him, and that was so incredibly sweet, even though I knew that it wasn't "real."
I have lost kitties before, and I know when I lost my "soul-mate" kitty Satay back in January 2006 it hurt this much, but I am still so overwhelmed with the pain of losing my sweet "baby guy" (one of his nicknames -- my other kitties are "big guy," "little guy," etc. -- silly, I know) -- it is just excruciating.
I am seriously thinking about seeing a therapist because this pain is just about unbearable, and I thought it would have lessened some by now.
Sorry, all, I feel like I am just handling this so badly. But he was only 8, and he should have had 10 more years, and he is GONE, and that thought is so horribly painful.
He is coming to you in your dreams to let you know that he is ok. I remember shortly after I lost my Swatcha, he came to me in a dream. I was with someone and Swatcha was there on the road (like all my cats, he was an indoor cat). I told the person I was with that I had to say good-bye to Swatcha. It was his way of giving me that chance because he died so suddenly. (I think he had a heart attack.)
Nicknames are not silly. All of my cats have nicknames.
One way that might ease the pain is to adopt a new furbaby. It won't replace Eini-he can NEVER be replaced. But, by adopting a new one, it might help to fill that hole that is in your heart. And there are so many out there who need good homes. It would be a win/win situation.
He is coming to you in your dreams to let you know that he is ok. I remember shortly after I lost my Swatcha, he came to me in a dream. I was with someone and Swatcha was there on the road (like all my cats, he was an indoor cat). I told the person I was with that I had to say good-bye to Swatcha. It was his way of giving me that chance because he died so suddenly. (I think he had a heart attack.)
Nicknames are not silly. All of my cats have nicknames.
One way that might ease the pain is to adopt a new furbaby. It won't replace Eini-he can NEVER be replaced. But, by adopting a new one, it might help to fill that hole that is in your heart. And there are so many out there who need good homes. It would be a win/win situation.
We just lost our little girl kitty a month ago. She had cancer and was only 10. The grief that Karen has described is what we have been going through. It is so painful. I have wondered about adopting a kitty realizing that no kitty will replace our sweet girl, but I don't know if it's too soon. The hole in our hearts and the emptiness in our home is excruciating. I thought it would be a bit better by now, but in a way it's worse. I know it will get better at some point and wonder if another kitty would help.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
